


Twisted Fate II

by Team_Alpha_Wolf_Squadron



Series: Myths and Movies [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:27:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 89,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23859058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Team_Alpha_Wolf_Squadron/pseuds/Team_Alpha_Wolf_Squadron
Summary: The second half of Twisted Fate, my other work.Hela has come and destroyed Asgard. But is it really gone? It turns out not everything is what it seems, not even Loki.
Relationships: Loki/Thor (Marvel)
Series: Myths and Movies [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1719337
Comments: 22
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

Ragnarok was a cycle.

It wasn’t a death of everything. Just a beginning of what was coming next. Loki knew now that Ragnarok didn’t necessarily need to follow what had been written years ago. After all, when fire and brimstone was raining down on Asgard there was no Frey there to do battle with Sutur. There had been no Frey at all.

When he was younger Loki had asked where this mysterious Frey had come from. Surely his mother, a Vanir herself, would know about this heroic warrior that would fight the mightiest of fire demons at the end of all things.

Yet Frigga had not. She, like Loki, had found that tale a strange one, and for a full year the two of them took any opportunity they could to try and find anything relating to this Frey. They searched the library. Odin’s secret library too. They went to Vanaheim itself and asked around for anything bearing the name of Frey.

Alas there were none, for although Freyja was popular among the Vanir people, the name Frey was not. The most Loki ever found of this elusive hero was a book with his moniker written on the title page. A clue perhaps. Or just another dead end after one girl or another gave up on writing her name after the first four letters- Loki had been surprised just how often that actually happened.

The point was that Frey did not exist. Nor did he burst from the flames now to hold Sutur back. Loki kind of wished he would however, as he ran through the streets himself dodging more crumbling buildings and those spike things Hela rained down like, well, rain.

Disappointment held all the way to the rainbow bridge. Even more so when Loki spied the ship leaving without him. He had half a mind to kill Thor for leaving him. But, well, if their situations were reversed… no, he would wait. That was all Loki seemed to do for him, save his damn life, and what did he get for it? Stuck on this crumbling dying realm with his adopted sister and a big wolf.

It was a split decision, watching the ship float further and further out of reach that had Loki running back towards the palace. He wasn’t going to be left here. He refused to be, and if Thor wasn’t going to come back for him then Loki was going to find a way up there himself.

Luckily for him he knew just the thing that could help him do so.

Getting to the palace was a challenge. Mostly because there was barely any palace to get back to. Loki just prayed Sutur had left some rooms left standing as he dodged another spike Hela was flinging almost everywhere now.

Scaling rubble wasn’t something Loki wanted to do again anytime soon, but he had to admit it was at least cleaner than Sakkar as he hoisted his leg over the top of his fallen statue. Three more ducks and he was sliding across the other side, the stairs leading up to the palace still intact enough to climb. A good sign he told himself.

What wasn’t was the “Help!” he heard to his right.

Hesitation wasn’t something Loki could afford if he wanted to make the ship before it left Asgard’s boundaries, yet there he was, hoping against hope that he had been mistaken. That Thor hadn’t left someone behind.

Then it came again, one solitary, “Help!” piercing the chaos, and if that wasn’t enough the “Prince Loki please!” did it for him.

“Damn it.” He turned tail and ran to where he thought the voice came.

Whoever they were they helped him, calling directions if Loki circled too far or had to jump over a new fallen building put in his way. Eventually he got to them, and Loki meant them when he saw the twins he’d spied more than once at the docks.

“What are you still doing here?” He screeched, even as he started digging.

The answer was rhetorical, since Loki could see well enough that, “Modi got stuck. I couldn’t leave him, and no one was around to help.”

Stuck was a nice way of putting the situation Modi had found himself in. There was a whole wall on top of the poor boy. A wall and then some. Modi’s brother had done a good job of getting some of it off, but not enough that Modi could probably breathe, trapped as he was.

“Is he still alive?” Loki asked, knowing that while once upon a time he might have left both of them there so he could survive, it was too late now for all of them. The tesseract was lost. It had to be. Which meant they were all playing a waiting game now of what would kill them. Loki hoped Hela, personally. He wasn’t too fond of the idea of burning to death.

Nevertheless before that happened he was going to put up a good fight and… he supposed he was going to do some good.

At least this way he might be able to see his mother when death claimed him.

So he barked at the boy again until- Magni- said that yes, Modi was alive, just knocked out. That was, good, Loki supposed. It certainly meant Loki wasn’t spending the last few minutes of his life digging out a corpse.

“Grab his arms. I’m going to move the rubble with my magic. As soon as there’s a gap you pull him through and start moving towards the hills.”

Magni nodded, grabbing what he could of his brother.

Loki spared a quick prayer that this little section of Asgard could be spared a few seconds longer as he started lifting the heavy stones as far up as he could without toppling the rest of the buildings some were still attached to. Magni, smart boy that he was, did as Loki asked, and did it quickly. No thought was spared to his brother’s state of body. There was no need to if they were all going to die anyway. The point of this wasn’t to live. It was to at least live long enough to say goodbye.

Using his magic more than he would have liked, Loki did his best to shield the two brothers and himself as he ran to the hills that lived outside the city walls. The two of them had been here recently, knowing the route to take that would lead them quickly up to the caves that lived at the top. Modi woke at some point, his legs almost crushed, but since Magni showed no sign of tiring and Modi was the only one of them with time enough to use his mind he was the one that eventually got them to the right cave Heimdall had led the last of their people before Loki arrived with the ship.

“Will we be safe up here?” Magni asked, setting his brother down by the stream.

“Probably not,” Loki said, never one for mincing the truth. Not if it worked to his advantage. This time however he was just too tired to lie.

He checked the other entrances to the cave, watching Hela and Sutur a while before figuring they were a good hour away from destroying this part of Asgard to return back to the other two.

“Let me see your legs then,” Loki sighed, kneeling on the hard stone.

They didn’t look good. If Modi had been left a few more hours he would have needed both of them amputated. Luckily, Loki found him, which meant a few minutes repairing the muscles and nerve endings to the brain meant he would be fighting fit in no time.

“Thank you,” Modi said quietly when Loki finished. He lifted his leg slightly, as if waiting to be told off. Loki just shoved the thing out the way, as good a sign as any that they were in fact okay to use now.

“We mean it,” Magni chimed in. “Thank you. I know you didn’t have to come back for us. Prince Thor didn’t even… didn’t even hear us.”

Somehow Loki got the feeling Magni didn’t mean turning away from the palace. He thought Loki had jumped ship just for them. That he had let the others leave in favour of coming back for the two of them. He must have run past them on his way here, Loki figured, it was the only thing he could think of for why Magni would imagine Loki would care, or even know, enough to come back for them.

Clearing his throat, he didn’t tell any of them this. Why would he? He wasn’t going to make them feel even worse in their last hour. So instead he just mumbled a “You’re welcome,” And went to scour the cave again.

There wasn’t much left here. No meat, so no last meal. No blankets, which meant death on a rock. The only thing they had was water, and for the life of him Loki couldn’t think how that was a good thing. It wasn’t like there was enough to put Sutur out. Even if there were Loki still would have to contend with Hela.

Kicking his boots off, Loki dipped a toe in the spring. When it didn’t burn his precious frost giant toes off he stripped off the rest of his clothes, washing the sweat and grime of being zapped and forced through a wormhole off his skin. His hair got the worst of it, and ordinarily Loki would long for that shorter look he’d sported for the last three hundred years. But without his oils the curls would be torture, so he made do with trying to detangle what he could and forced himself not to listen in on the hushed conversation a few feet away.

The end of the world was definitely the worst. Since while they probably had less than forty minutes left to live, the twenty minutes that had passed felt like days themselves. He was growing restless. So much so that he pulled more than a few hairs out of his head on his next comb through and ended up pouting on the water's edge, watching the two boys he’d really been trying not to think too closely about. Namely because doing so reminded him of Thor.

“That’s it,” He sighed, his voice carrying over to the twins, “Fancy a threesome?”

The pair of them blinked back at him. In sync too. There was a reason Loki was always suspicious of twins. “Is that… er,” One of them struggled with.

“The world is ending,” Loki ticked off. “I’m bored, and quite frankly there’s nothing else to do. So if either of you wants to wet your dick before we all inevitably either burn or are impaled I suggest you speak now.”

They looked at eachother. Whatever secret language they had, barely took seconds to pass between them as at once one of them turned away while the other shrugged and made his way over.

Magni, since of course it would be Magni, dithered about next to the spring, his eyes flitting over what he could see of Loki one moment and then looking anywhere else the next. It was starting to grate on Loki’s conscience. Most notably because Magni was probably only agreeing to this now Loki had helped his brother.

He really felt bad now. Besides, up close Loki didn’t think he would have been able to through with it anyway. “It was just as suggestion,” Loki said, waving the boy off, “Go enjoy the sunset.”

“No,” Magni rushed, “I mean, it’s our last day.” He swallowed so loudly Loki could hear it, “You’re very handsome?”

“You’re effort is endearing,” Loki said, “But it’s fine. You don’t owe me anything, and I like my partners to be enthusiastic more than indebted when they enter my bed.” Not to mention as far from looking like his brother as possible. There was only one person Loki wanted looking at him with that face and that was Thor. This boy, it just wouldn’t be right, no matter how much Loki wanted to pretend he hadn’t been abandoned here, waiting to die.

He pushed Magni away when the boy needed more prompting, spending the rest of however many minutes he had left untangling the rest of his hair.

When he’d finished with that and still found himself breathing, Loki pulled on his breeches and went to sit at the cave lip with the twins.

There wasn’t much left now. The palace was gone. Completely gone. As were some of the trees starting into the forest. The city that had once been seen from even the Valkyries mountain was nothing but fire now, a great stream of lava that got larger and larger as Sutur seemed to melt into the earth.

Hela had won then. She would be the one coming for them.

A grim thought indeed.

Speaking of grim, it reminded him of Hogun. Loki hadn’t seen him among the Asgardian mass pushing past him to the ship. He was rather afraid to ask the two next to him what had become of the man. Of the rest of them even. Volstagg. Fandral. Sif, at least, was alive. She was on Midgard where Loki knew she wouldn’t be able to watch him. Her and Heimdall had been the first two people to go.

“Did your mother make it?” Loki asked, thoughts straying to his own as Sutur finally found his peace. “On the ship?”

He didn’t have to look to know the boys were sharing a look. “Didn’t know her,” Modi eventually said. “She died when we were young. Barely twenty.”

“My apologies,” That meant their father would have been the one to raise them. Loki hoped he was better than Odin at it.

“It’s strange,” Magni tacked on, “We thought for sure without her we would be on the streets-”

“You didn’t know your father?”

They both shook their head. Odd. Asgardians had always made it a point to claim their children. They may not marry their mothers but, Aesir men were nothing if not proud of their fertility.

Magni went on before Loki could ask more about it, saying, “But your father put us in a home with a bunch of other children. Apparently they too had lost their mothers.”

“There were five of us,” Modi grinned. “One girl, four of us.”

“I bet you tormented her,” Loki guessed.

Magni held his hands up, “Not at all.”

“Loved the bones off her,” Modi said. He nodded up, “She made the ship.”

“Ullr and Magnus too.”

“So that’s some good news then,” Loki said.

The question of why Odin would set up a home for these people probably would have tormented Loki on any other day. Now, he couldn’t find the strength to care. Odin was gone. What good did it do trying to figure out what else he’d messed up in the nine realms? It wasn’t like Loki could do anything about it.

The sun set, and with it the last of the golden walls of Asgard. They watched it fall together, the way the gold melted and sank beneath the heavy lava.

Magni, after all the excitement he’d went through, fell asleep as soon as night hit the sky. His snores reminded Loki of Thor, and with the hair just as blonde and soft under Loki’s fingers he could just imagine that this was his brother here with him. That they were on some adventure in the caves. Maybe reconciling after all the chaos the last few years have wrought them.

Modi on the other hand, well, he was a bit like Loki. He’d been knocked out already, he’d faced death and, like Loki, he wasn’t greeting it again with his eyes closed. Sleep did its best to entice the boy, but the hours went on and still Modi remained sitting, awake with Loki.

“Can you really not do anything?” Modi asked when the moon made her appearance. “They say you have magic maybe even more powerful than Queen Frigga’s had been. Can you not stop Hela?”

Loki shook his head. “She’s death. Anything my powers could do is nothing to her. And now she has Asgard…” The magic that ran beneath the surface answered to her now, no matter what Thor or Loki wished.

“What about escape?” Modi pressed. “You managed to leave Asgard before without a Bifrost.”

Which was true. “There are ways.” The question was how close Hela was to them. Also how far these boys would trust him. “However, I don’t know if these ways are still standing. They’re extremely frail, and ordinarily I would steal a boat to sail through them. But without a boat…” There was no way to sail, and without being able to sail there was no way through.

Around about now Loki wished he’d pressured his mother into telling him more about the magic Odin contained in his precious book. The old one he’d written before even Asgard’s golden walls were built. He knew in there a spell probably lay that would have been able to get him out of Asgard. But his mother kept putting him off, then he fell and now, well, it was too late. There wasn’t even an Odin to interrogate. Or a library to ransack.

Modi was silent beside him, eyes roving over what Loki didn’t have to look to see. Trees. Mountains. All of which would be gone come morning. Except, Modi didn’t see what Loki did. In an eager lean to see further down his eyes snapped over to Loki’s a hint of reserved excitement gleaming in his very skin as he said, “What about a raft?”

“A raft?” Loki sniffed, then thought about it properly. A raft? A raft! Oh he was getting slow in his old age. Not that fifteen hundred was old. Far from it.

But now wasn’t the time to think about his youth. A raft. It was a plan. A real plan, and for the first time since turning towards the palace he had hope again.

He woke Magni with a few flurried slaps, feet jittery as he scoured what he could from this height for what they would need. “Get up, get up! Your brother is a genius, and we need to move before Hela discovers we’re here.”

The trees would alert Hela to their presence, which meant they would have to work fast. If Fenris wasn’t dead he would sniff them out first. Luckily, desperation made quick workers of even the slowest of trolls so they had enough of a head start before the first rustling of trees caught their ears.

They worked until a twig snapped far too close to comfort. The vines the twins were wrapping around the logs stayed in their hands, all of them knowing something had to distract the wolf.

“Stay here,” Loki decided. He was the oldest. Not to mention still their prince, and while he wasn’t the self sacrificing type he knew he had a duty to what remained of his people.

“No,” Modi still tried, poor thing, “You’re the only one who knows how to get out of here-”

“And the only one with the means to evade a wolf. Stay here, keep working. I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he ordered, and made off before one of them could do it before him.

He shifted, having the sense of mind to know it was easier to negotiate when two people spoke the same language. His own wolf form was smaller, tiny, really, in comparison to Fenrir, but it was also faster than his own two feet, and Loki made use of it, cornering the larger wolf before he could sniff out the twins.

So large, Loki thought as he gazed at those eyes. Intelligent too. There was something in there, some kind of instinct Loki felt that told him Fenrir would understand him even if Loki stood in his ordinary form.

He tried the usual, as he did when he met a feral animal, in the hopes that something would work. He went on his back, exposed his throat and made himself as small a target as he could. He knew it wouldn’t work, since with a snap of his teeth Loki’s subjugation was shown for the sham it was. He wasn’t really going to submit, he didn’t fit that part in the pack hierarchy when he played wolf. Never had.

Fenrir snapped again, looking annoyed more than angry at Loki. Annoyed was good. Loki could work with annoyed.

What he couldn’t work with was the faster than thought dive Fenrir made, and instead of death snapping Loki’s neck a cold nose touched his own, darting back before anything more than a brief pressure could be felt.

He heard himself whine. Fenrir whined back, Loki getting the sense he wasn’t the only one confused here. Fenrir bopped forwards again, still not attacking Loki outright, and that alone was one of the reasons Loki ended up bringing Fenrir back to the twins. The other reason, Loki couldn’t explain it other than the fact he smelled a bit like Loki.

Not like Loki exactly, like it was his scent. But there was something about him that sent alarms to Loki’s head saying Fenrir wasn’t going to hurt them. That he had some connection to Loki.

Of course, Loki changed back before presenting Fenrir to the twins. He had to be sure that Fenrir wasn’t just reacting to Loki being a wolf. But no, even in his own form Fenrir but his head against Loki, even licked him, like he was glad to see him, be with him, and trotted along no problem when Loki started off. He didn’t go back for Hela, seemed to forget Hela existed at all.

Loki wasn’t complaining. The twins did however.

Especially since they had to make the raft that teensiest bit bigger so Fenrir could hop on too. But, Fenrir pulled his weight. When Loki told him to fetch a log, he fetched a log, holding it still while Magni tied it to the others.

“I think he may have realised that if he stays here he’ll have nothing too,” Loki said when one of the twins cornered him. Which wasn’t a bad thought. With nothing to hunt or kill, nothing to amuse him, nothing but the ruins of Asgard, what would Fenrir do? It was as good a reason as any to switch allegiances.

That explanation was certainly easier to wrap his head around than anything else he could come up with for why Fenrir was remaining so docile.

Whatever the case they finished faster than they would have with the three of them, and when everyone was on board, Loki telling Fenrir to keep his large body down as much as he could, he levitated it up and started through the trees.

The nearest portal that would take them out of Asgard was the one to Jotunheim. It lay near the north of Asgard, where the mountains the Valkyrie's once trained at had grown cold and old with disuse. It was far enough away that they would avoid Hela altogether if she didn’t see them. But it was quite high up. Hence why Loki usually used skiffs to guide himself through the narrow passageways.

“Are you sure it’s alright to have him on board?” Modi hissed as they cleared the trees. This was the only stretch of flat land they would have to journey across before cover came once more. It was perhaps the most perilous part of their journey, and one Loki wasn’t too happy having a conversation during.

Still, Modi looked two seconds from getting his brother to help shove Fenrir off so Loki nodded, “He’s fine. And don’t talk like he’s not there. He understands you.”

Fenrir gave a toothy grin to prove Loki right, the twins both turning away from it.

The trees let Loki breathe again. As did climbing the mountain without anyone falling off. Still, Loki didn’t feel right until they were making their way steadily through the narrow passage into Jotunheim. He probably shouldn’t have, considering he’d done so much to Jotunheim they probably wanted him dead more than Hela. But, compared to Hela, Loki would take an army of Jotun’s anyday.


	2. Chapter 2

Fenrir didn’t look surprised when they landed near the capitol. It made Loki wonder what Fenrir had seen in his life. Hela had roved the lands before Odin started locking them down, and if Fenrir had been with her then he must have seen them too. Loki wondered, if he looked in Fenrir’s memories, whether he would see a Jotunheim different to the ruins around them now.

The twins weren’t prepared for the level of cold Jotunheim offered. Even Thor had bristled when he came here with only his cape. So, the first thing Loki did was find them an abandoned house, which was plentiful in Utgard, and started a fire the boys could thaw out in front of.

Food he sent Fenrir looking for, and safety Loki set to making traps and setting wards that would at least alert them to someone passing by before they were upon them.

When he came back in he found the twins sitting teary eyed in front of the fire. It stopped him for a moment, mostly because he didn’t feel the same. When he’d been younger, escaping death would have left him comatose for days. He would have holed himself up in his room, panicking because he felt like this was too good to be true, and he was waiting for something, anything to prove it wrong. Now, after centuries of accepting death was coming at one point, this probably registered as number four in the top ten worst things to happen in his life.

He clapped the twins on their shoulders, “You’re okay. You’re alive and your siblings are with my brother.”

Modi nodded shakily back at him. Loki left them alone after that.

Fenrir, somehow, found something edible. It wasn’t much, Loki suspecting Fenrir had eaten half of it before he came back, but it was something, and something was better than nothing. Just like some information, even if it was told in wolf language, was better than nothing.

“That’s interesting,” Loki agreed, listening to Fenrir huff a bit more about no trees to pee up.

He waited until the next morning, when the twins had slept and were in their right mind once more to figure out how they were to proceed from here to tell them what Fenrir had seen.

“There’s some kind of power imbalance in Jotunheim right now.” Not that he was surprised. Loki had killed their king. “The giants have fled Utgard. Right now the beasts are inhabiting the ruins. We should be alright to stay here for a few weeks while we come up with a better plan.”

“Weeks?” Magni squeaked. “In Jotunheim?”

“It’s not ideal,” Loki agreed. “But it’s better than searching for another veil with no provisions. We need to have a base, and this is as good as any.”

It took some persuading. Despite being in the presence of a Jotun, the twins were hesitant to be so long in their land. Loki didn’t blame them. Jotnar had more cause than anyone else to have him killed, and if word of his presence in their realm got out they would be looking at imprisonment pretty soon.

He didn’t tell them that a few weeks were the shortest amount of time they would probably be here. They were in Jotunheim after all, and one thing about Jotunheim was that it was giant.

To put it in perspective, a giant walking from the palace to the market would take half an hour, maybe more. For Loki, living so close to the market now, it took him at least four to get to the palace steps.

Jotunheim was a realm meant for giants, and that meant land, sea, sky, weather, it fell and lived for a giant. Finding any of these veils would take an age. But the twins didn’t need to know that just yet. They just needed to warm up, get a good meal and a good night's sleep.

Two of those things Loki could provide, a fire and a knock out spell doing the job. The food on the other hand, Loki needed to get a move on sorting out. He couldn’t expect Fenrir to fetch their provisions. He was a big wolf, he didn’t understand that these little things sitting next to him ate just as much as him. What he did bring back was barely supper, and while Fenrir could go a while without eating, Loki was used to his three meals a day, and he knew, considering their girth, these boys were too. So he made plans with Fenrir to come with him the next morning to find meat, frozen vegetables, whatever the Jotnar had left behind that was edible.

The twins weren’t happy about being left alone. They were getting jittery, and Loki didn’t blame them. They just had their lives turned on their head, they needed to keep busy to forget what they’d left behind, what they might never see again if Thor didn’t pull through and get their people to safety.

So Loki thought fast, gave them a hastily drawn out map of what he could remember of the last time he was in Utgard, and told them to explore. “Find anything useful you can. Information, books if there are any, furs, wood, things that will make our lives a bit more comfortable.”

They nodded, scurrying out with Loki’s warmest cloaks he had in his pocket dimension and disappearing into the white nothingness. Fenrir led Loki to the palace, where he promised the best hunt was. Changing shape, Loki took up Fenrir’s left, the two of them slinking their way through the abandoned hallways to where one of the Jotun beasts had taken roost.

They took down four of them, Loki painstakingly bringing two of them back while Fenrir chewed and didn’t help at all. He skinned as much as he could without ruining the fur. Thor was always better at this than him, he made the prettiest presents out them. Mostly, Thor was better at this because he had the stomach for it. Loki didn’t mind killing things so long as they had a purpose. People he was alright with, but animals? For sport? He drew the line. It was probably because he could turn into an animal. Mostly it was because…

He didn’t want to think about it, so did his best to cut up the meat and drain the blood into pots the twins had brought back at some point.

He froze what he could, cooked what he left, and when the twins came back at nightfall they had their full stomachs. Loki certainly slept well with it, even if he found himself awake until near morning by Fenrir’s twitching and the twins snoring. He must exude some cuddly hormone, he concluded the next day. Why else would they want to sidle up against him in the night.

Whatever the case, with the twins telling Loki what they had found on their travels and breakfast in their stomachs they started on a plan. “The Jotnar got to Midgard somehow. If we find this path, we find our way there.”

“Midgard?” They had been expecting Vanaheim. Alfheim at the very least. Loki had heard them talking about it last night, and why wouldn’t they expect Vanaheim. In relation to the rest of the nine, Vanaheim was their closest relative, not only in distance, but in looks and culture. They had a Vanir Queen, why would the last of the Aesir race be unwelcome on their lands?

No doubt those on board the Statesman thought the same. However, Loki knew of Thor’s fondness for Midgard, and, loathe as he was to admit it, Thor wasn’t an idiot. Out of the nine, Midgard was their best bet. While the twins weren’t wrong about Vanaheim being their best bet for familiarity, they seemed to be forgetting that, thanks to Ragnarok, Asgard was no longer the shining realm eternal it once was. What they were as a realm, was now condensed into the survivors of their land. Every scrap of technology rested in the builders on board. Every recipe in their bakers and their cooks. Every garment in their seamsters. They were a people with nothing material to give, and what they held in their minds was of no interest to Vanaheim, no Alfheim, not even to Nidavellir. Vanaheim had their technology, their food, their clothes, they were their best source of trade. Alfheim too. Without gold in their pockets Asgard was useless to them, their people nothing.

But Midgard. The realm of children, they would welcome the Asgardian refugees as Gods once more. They would put up restraint, no doubt, but they would soon agree that Asgard’s knowledge was too precious to turn their noses up at. Thor would have to be careful not to reveal too much too soon however. The Midgardians were greedy, and if Thor wished their people to stay indefinitely, he needed to section off what the Midgardians were granted lest they take advantage and discard what was left of their dying race.

So Midgard it was, and had this been Asgard Loki would have easily pointed them in the direction of a veil. He probably should have while they were in Asgard. But the veil to Midgard was most likely destroyed by now. Hela had started with the Bifrost, and the veil that lay across the seas was not far from the Bifrost site. Too far for them to head to without being found. Too far to not have met Hela’s influence.

They would need to search here therefore, in Jotunheim.

“Do the giants even own books?” Modi asked.

Loki considered the question even if it was asked in spite. “I don’t know,” He concluded, having never seen a giant, except himself, hold a book. Laufey certainly hadn’t been reading when Loki was here last. Nor the time before when Thor had burst in demanding retribution. Loki would like to say he’d been here enough times to know for certain, but, before Thor dragged him to Laufey’s feet Loki had only talked to the Jotnar through the veil. Never further than those first few steps into Utgard. So, “We’ll have to examine the palace. The temple too. I believe it’s still standing.”

“What if someone’s there?” Magni asked.

Loki shrugged, “Then we hope we can talk them into helping us.” There wouldn’t be. Despite priests clinging to their temples in other worlds, the Jotnar were not known to be a superstitious folk. If they could abandon their homes so easily they could erect another temple without too much thought wherever they stood now.

He suggested they split up, which was met with harsh no’s from everyone present, including Fenrir. “It’s best if we stick together,” Modi said.

“We have no weapons,” Magni tacked on, which was fair, and something they needed to rectify.

On their way to the palace, Loki bade them grab chunks of the black rock that had been torn away from houses. They dawdled behind as they smashed them into smaller pieces, but were smart enough to know where to go from there as they grabbed little more than splinters to a giant and wrapped the stones with unwoven thread from clothes they found to make spears and axes.

It made them feel safe, and definitely gave Loki peace of mind that they had something to protect themselves should they get separated as they climbed the palace steps.

Fenrir went first, Loki taking up the rear when the twins caught up. Should something jump, the plan was to kill it, if they could, to eat later. If not, then Fenrir and Loki could put up enough fight for the twins to get back to the hut.

“You’d think they would change it up a little,” Loki said after a while. It had been an attempt to lift the mood, the twins were starting to make him edgy with the way they skulked along. It was far too familiar to the way Thor did it for comfort. But his attempt fell empty as he got nothing but confused pouts sent back at him.

Right. Orphans. They probably thought the constant scratch marks and dull furniture was lavish even if it was the sign of disarray. They wouldn’t be wrong, just lacking in taste. Then again, Loki wasn’t known for his taste. His own room had been full to the brim with books and potions. What furniture he did have was covered in ink and smelled like botched potions. Just the way he liked it.

They got to the throne room. The route from the front to here, Loki remembered well enough, it was here to somewhere else that would prove challenging. “We need a map,” he decided.

The twins looked back at him before he could even suggest one of them make the sacrifice, and with a sigh he took his new fur collar down and turned it inside out. The skin was soft, but on solid ground proved firm enough to spill some kind of ink onto. Or charcoal, Loki found when one of the twins reached into a cold burner and dragged a charred rock out.

“One of you make notes,” He told them. “The other make sure he doesn’t lag behind too much.”

They started west, first. If Loki were to build a library he would put it in the wing meant for business and schooling. In Asgard that had been the South wing, where the sun barely shone and didn’t dry the ink in their books. They never overheated there, but Thor certainly wasn’t warm either as Loki recalled him slipping his hand under Loki’s thigh when they were introduced to the idea of council sessions and attending them. Then again, there could have been another reason Thor slipped his hand under Loki’s thigh. He’d never been subtle about his appetite.

Nevertheless, after watching the sun the day before, the West part of the palace seemed to be the side that received less light. The walls were thicker, and windows scarcer. The perfect place to hide a library.

The halls all looked the same, save the light that dwindled the further into the darker part of the palace they delved. The doors needed magic to open them, some of them wedged shut by beasts, others just locked. None of them held a library.

It was well past nightfall when they discovered there probably wouldn’t be a library down this way. Mainly because they had found the dungeons. Or what would have been the dungeons a few centuries ago. The walls were crumbling, the chains nonexistent. But the stench of decay and feeling of hopelessness remained. This was certainly a dungeon.

“Are we going home?” Modi hissed. His eyes weren’t as good as Loki’s, the twins had been clinging onto him for the past five corridors, and in this darkness in a foreign land he would be worried too if he couldn’t see his way.

“Maybe not home,” Loki said, knowing the trek there and back would merely be wasting time they could spend exploring the next day. “One of the lighter rooms we passed had a bed. We’ll stay here tonight.”

The twins were mollified with the bed, when they got there. It also helped that the room had a fireplace of some sort they could roast their supper over. Fenrir enjoyed the large posts he could pee up, and Loki had to agree they were impressive. Much easier to find than trees.

They started east the next day, coming across the more lived in rooms. They found Laufey’s room, along with what would have been Loki’s had he been raised in Jotunheim. They found a nursery, a play room, and where they put the cribs and toys when the children had grown up.

They found the kitchens, which was the most helpful room they’d found so far. The giants hadn’t cleared everything out in their haste. There were a few things covered in ice that were still edible, including what looked like vegetables of some kind. Wine too, for which Loki may have shed a tear at, he was really sick of melting ice, and it had barely been four days.

There was still no library, and they made camp in Laufey’s room that evening. It should have felt strange, being what he would have known as his father’s room. Worse, that father whom he’d killed. But Loki felt nothing. Well, nothing but annoyance as Magni proved he had another thing in common with Thor other than looks as he slung an arm around Loki’s middle, effectively pinning him in place.

“What do you think she’s doing with Asgard?” Modi asked the next day.

“Destroying it,” Magni quipped.

“Or maybe not,” Modi argued. “We don’t know. She was trying to restore some order to Asgard before that whole fire demon thing.”

“I don’t think killing the Einherjar was order.”

“It’s not, not order. I mean, if I were trying to take over a place that didn’t want me there, I would deal with the army first, right? They didn’t bend the knee, so they were enemies. I mean, it’s not right, not at all, but, we did the same didn’t we?” That last part, had they not been in a cavernous corridor would likely have went unheard.

But they did hear it. “That was different,” Magni said at once, then fell silent. Perhaps they were both beginning to see what Loki had all those years ago.

“Odin was a greedy tyrant,” Loki offered. “And war is war no matter where you go. Hela’s actions may have seemed evil to us, but that’s simply because we were on the other side. Had we wished to join her, I’m sure we would see her actions as we’ve read Odin’s in our books. Generous. Just. And for the good of the realms.” He looked back at them as he turned the corner, “It’s okay, you can speak ill of Odin if you wish. I for one, am not going to reprimand you.”

They didn’t believe him. His reputation always preceded him after all. But they were brave enough to test the waters for which he thought was progress. “Is that why you banned the Einherjar from travelling to the other realms?”

“Among other things.” Namely that he didn’t trust Odin’s contacts in other realms not to sense something was amiss. The Asgardians he could placate, he didn’t have to see them all that much since the council basically ran themselves after Odin went into mourning. But the others, the representatives from Vanaheim especially, he had to greet in person, deal in person, and if they saw something was just as smidgen off with Loki’s character who knew what might become of it. Loki was just thankful Thor had been so desperate to give up his crown, otherwise he likely would have cottoned on quicker than he did.

“And the plays?” Modi pressed.

Loki shrugged, “Had to entertain myself somehow.” And perhaps soften the scorn his name had been associated with these last few years. There was nothing people liked more than a martyr, and Loki’s time on earth, limited as it had been, had shown him people liked nothing more than a misunderstood villain.

“Did you really hate your father that much?” Magni asked. A bold question at last, and one Loki had never truly been able to answer until the old man was gone.

“You’ll learn,” Loki said, “That there’s often not a way to distinguish love and hate from each other. They’re both powerful emotions, with many of the same symptoms. In my case, I loved my father so much he made me hate him.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Magni said after a pause.

“It won’t.” It never did. “Not until you experience the sensation for yourself.”

He’d idolised Odin. The old man had given Loki just enough of himself to enthrall him, to make him die for even a slither of his attention, and when Loki found out what he was, who he was, that love engulfed him, twisted something inside him. He’d needed to prove to himself that it wasn’t all a farce, that Odin did see Loki as someone worthy of his attention. He’d needed acknowledgement, and when he didn’t get it that love twisted again. Deposing Odin wasn’t so much an act of hate, as proof that Loki could be everything Odin wanted. He was the monster he’d called Loki to be upon his return, but he was also the son he’d raised, the clever boy that could sit upon a throne and rule. Loki had done both in his time as Odin. The only problem was that Loki didn’t think the old man had noticed.

Then he’d just…

Died.

They stumbled upon the library by accident really. It turned out it was nearer the throne room than Loki would have thought, sitting between the residential part of the palace and the council chambers. They must not have wished to travel far for a book, which made a stark difference to Asgard.

Still, Loki was surprised to see a library at all. Not that he should have been. Being brought up with hate and prejudice for these people didn’t change the fact that Laufey had been well spoken when he’d met with Thor, with Loki even. He was a king, one old enough to remember Odin’s brothers so it was said, yet Loki had thought him no better read than a mule.

It made him twist his fingers until they ached as he searched the rows, amending everything he knew to be true until he was actually reading the titles of the tomes in front of him instead of pretending to.

“What are we looking for?” Modi called. He and Magni were higher up, taking the height of the bookcases as some kind of challenge as they seated themselves at the highest shelf.

Fenrir expressed Loki’s opinion on that with a pointed huff as he went to amuse himself with chasing down the ‘rat’ he saw further down. “Anything that might have a map. If you can read Jotun look for folktales.” He didn’t think they could however. Allspeak was only available to the nobles.

Fenrir made frequent updates whenever he passed. This ‘rat’ or the Jotun equivalent of a rat was a tricky thing, but not trickier than Fenrir- his words. Loki would have rolled his eyes at the commentary had he not found it all so surreal. As it was, he had another task at hand to keep him occupied and stop himself from outright sniggering when Fenrir wiggled his butt before pouncing.

The Jotnar, from the looks of things, had an extensive library. However, most of the books here were bigger than Loki’s entire body. He had to use magic to lift them down, and most of the time when he did they were anything but useful. The important books, he knew, were most likely with whoever was ruling Jotunheim presently, or at least with the council. But, important to them was not necessarily important to Loki. What use had they, after all, with folktales about travellers and nomads?

“Anything?”

Negative from all parties, including Fenrir’s attempt to get them lunch.

Loki delved deeper, pulling scrolls that looked old enough to have something of Odin’s name plastered on them. Just a direction of where the old man had come from would have been helpful to them, since Odin didn’t use the Bifrost until it was actually built no matter what people said.


	3. Chapter 3

Three days they delved into the library stacks, and three days they came away with nothing. On the fourth, Magni proved he had no interest in their intellectual pursuit by joining Fenrir on his hunts. Modi too, only he suggested they do another search of the area to see if they can find more furs to add to their collection in Laufey’s room.

Loki let them go. They didn’t really know what he was looking for either. All they cared about was eventually getting off this realm, and since they didn’t hinder his own progress, in fact seemed to help by removing any distractions, he didn’t see any harm in letting them amuse themselves. They deserved it for cheating the Goddess of death.

He pulled another book off the shelf he’d set himself in front of today, face twisting when he saw lineage lines attached to names. He closed the cover, then opened it again when a thought came to mind. He knew he’d been born near the end of the war with Jotunheim. Odin had said abandoned, but Laufey had still been with child, he would have made it known. With a few flicks of his wrist Loki found his family tree hidden between two important noble families. Laufey he’d known about. Bestla too, no matter if Odin wished to hide his own giant lineage. The ones below however, those made Loki pause.

It just- it didn’t make sense.

Literally. There were too many markings surrounding their names that he had to go back to the contents and make notes on a seperate piece to decipher them.

When he did get back, he took note of those around his own name. He was first. Then he wasn’t. There were two Loki’s. But, for them to know he was named Loki at all would mean that he’d been called it before he’d been abandoned. Which meant Odin had heard it. Which meant he probably hadn’t been abandoned because… who named something they weren’t going to keep?

Maybe, he checked the first Loki’s name, and those things dotted around him, maybe this Loki was a miscarriage. It said he was deceased. No how, or when, just that he was dead. The other one, himself he was presuming, was still alive. Unless there was another Loki out there with his name. Unless he was the third Loki in this family and Odin had merely thought it amusing to name Loki after whatever brother he had that was, potentially still living.

Strange that there wasn’t a sire’s name above the second Loki. Also that the ink looked newer here than on the first Loki. Something that wouldn’t be strange since Loki had been born after the first Loki, but, this ink was newer than the other names too, and if he was truly the second born son then shouldn’t his ink have been more faded?

Farbauti had sired the rest of Laufey’s brood, along with the first Loki. Whoever this person was, Loki’s step- parent or something, his name hadn’t been struck like others. Perhaps that meant he was still around to ask about this.

The others’ however, those that would have been Loki’s brothers, they were dead. Byleistr had nothing noteworthy attached to his name, but Helblindi looked to have popped out a few kids in his time. They were still around, according to this. Yet another avenue, Loki’s mind whispered traitorously, he could explore if he wanted to know about his blood family.

Laufey had been struck, and still the niggling feeling of guilt Loki thought he would get at seeing it didn’t come. He’d done what he had to. If he didn’t Odin would have killed Laufey anyway. Anything to keep his changeling a secret.

He stared at his family tree for a while, at the life that had once been in these halls. What had happened to his brothers he wondered. Did Laufey tire of them? Were frost giants truly nothing more than savage beings? Did they know no familial bonds?

He set the book aside, delving once more away from that distraction and into finding his way to Thor.

Truly, nothing else held much of his attention the rest of the day than that book. He’d never wanted to know, not before. He’d never wondered whether he would have had a family had he stayed in Jotunheim. Whether he would have been as happy growing up with three giant brothers as he had been with Thor. The thought had never come because the betrayal had been that strong. But, with Odin gone, and Thor all Loki had now, with their mother and her love she’d held unconditionally for both of them, even after what Loki did, he couldn’t help but wonder whether he would have been happy here.

He didn’t know whether to hope he would have been. Would that have been better? To not know Thor? Frigga? Odin definitely. But the others? Even the Warrior’s Three. Annoying as they were, once upon a time he had considered them his friends. Enough that he let them be as he doled out justice to Heimdall and Sif. Well, maybe just Sif. In all honesty Loki hadn’t had anything against Heimdall. Apart from the whole treason thing, Heimdall was a good man, and Loki had brought his ire upon himself. The only thing was he had that whole omniscient thing going on. Without it, Loki could have just left him to guard the Bifrost and wipe his hands clean.

He tossed in bed once more, trying to clear his mind of these errant thoughts. It did no good for him. For any of them. Wondering about what could have been didn’t change what was. Loki hadn’t grown up in Jotunheim. He hadn’t known his brothers. Even if he did would he truly have been accepted here? A runt, and a sireless one at that.

Why was it blank?

A kick to his leg reminded him of the important things. The map he needed to uncover and Thor he needed to get back to. So with an effort Loki didn’t know he had, he turned into Fenrir’s warmth and willed himself to sleep.

He still looked over the book the next morning however. He couldn’t help it. Just an hour he told himself, and looked at his family tree. His nephews. His brothers. Loki could go out and meet the former. They wouldn’t be happy to see him, and Loki wasn’t expecting them to, but a glimpse at a life that could have been may sate his curiosity.

It would mean travelling. Veering off the path he’d set for himself. Loki had never been one to follow plans to the letter before, but even he knew that wasting time to selfishly search for his family was pushing things a bit too far.

It was better to leave it.

He had Fenrir hide the book when noon came. He needed it out of his sight, and Fenrir was the only one around that could put it somewhere Loki wouldn’t easily guess.

Mind back on track he made his way through another shelf by nightfall. It was good enough to say, “We’re making good progress,” That night over supper.

The twins didn’t have an opinion. Good progress wasn’t a solution after all. But they did cheer up when they started telling Loki about what they had found in Jotunheim. While the giants were creatures the boys didn’t want to encounter, they didn’t appear to shy away from admiring their architecture. Nor the other things they left behind.

“We think we’ve found a temple,” Modi said. “It certainly looks like one. There’s an altar.”

“How curious,” Loki agreed. Temples weren’t known around most of the nine realms. Midgard, of course had them, they were children with wild imaginations after all. But the others? The Elves, Dwarves, Vanir and Aesir? They had ancestors that could tell the tale themselves of how they were licked into being. They answered to no one but fate. Fate and the Aesir when Odin proved that sometimes power could transcend ones status into a God.

The only temples Loki had seen were to Odin in the other realms. Those on Midgard too to their singular God. But, the thought of a temple to Odin being on Jotunheim? Loki didn’t think that was right. It couldn’t be. The giants were just as, if not older, than Odin. The giants were the creatures that made the realms the elves and dwarves stood on. So yes, Loki’s interest was piqued at this idea of a temple.

“What else did you find?”

A look was shared between the two, something that reminded Loki of when Thor used to do the same to him. It shot a pang through his chest that they were so far away from each other. Before it had been different. Before, well, they hadn’t lost their home had they.

Modi gave in with a twitch of his eyebrows, “Not much. We were going to go back tomorrow. But, there was this helmet above the altar. We couldn’t really see it since it’s probably giant height but, it was shiny.”

“Silver,” Magni added on.

“A silver helmet?” Odin didn’t have a silver helmet. Everything he owned was gold. A show of power, status. Loki had adopted the same colours in the hopes it would liken him to his father. Truly, the only people in their family that had worn silver were Thor and his mother, and Loki didn’t recall either of them mentioning they had a temple in Jotunheim. He would have known. Between his mother’s stories and Thor’s boasting he would have known.

“We’ll get a closer look tomorrow,” Modi promised.

With the twins done, Fenrir poked his head into the small triangle they’d created to share his own story about pawing through a couple of texts in the library. Loki thought Fenrir jesting until he recalled seeing some of the sentences he referenced among the books he’d discarded.

“You can read?” Loki marvelled.

Fenrir huffed like he was offended Loki thought otherwise.

“My apologies. Did Hela teach you?”

Fenrir made a few grunts, but Loki made out enough. Hela taught him some, but he was already learning words before he met her. A few pointed looks Loki couldn’t much understand, but his meaning was clear, Fenrir wasn’t stupid.

He sent the wolf with the twins the next day. While he was curious to see just how Fenrir read these books he claimed, his fear of the boys slipping and dying was far greater. Besides, should they come into contact with any creatures that might be lurking in the temple, Loki believed Fenrir more capable of the three of them to dispose of it. It wasn’t that he doubted the twins could fend for themselves it was just, well, they had been sheltered. They may have brawled in the drinking halls, but Loki doubted they voluntarily went looking for a fight. They weren’t raised in combat like Loki or Thor. They didn’t go hunting in their spare time or off to the mountains because their father thought it would be a good idea to exile his sons for a few days. They certainly wouldn’t know what to do should they encounter a lone giant that may have stayed behind, so Loki rested easier knowing Fenrir would if the boys froze up.

He took down another scroll, mind aching at these ridiculous council meetings that, in any realm, had to take down every second of every meeting in their notes. Loki hated them, even if he knew they may hold some key to getting them off Jotunheim. While he didn’t doubt their was more political talk than folklore on these pages, Loki wasn’t stupid enough to cast them aside. One whisper of a stranger coming to Jotunheim, the direction he appeared, or the story he told that may have been mentioned by some noble and that could be the lead they needed.

So he tossed the boring scroll among the others he’d read and picked up the next, his hands dwarfed on the large skin the giants used.

“Farbauti,” Loki sighed, “Farbauti, Farbauti.” This Farbauti had more sway in Jotunheim than Loki thought. Despite marrying into the royal family, his signature was on most of the documents that Loki read. Laufey looked to be as stupid as he’d looked if he was willing to leave his kingship to his partner. That, or Farbauti was a smooth talker. Not even Odin trusted Loki’s mother with half of his political work and she had a tongue that could rival Loki’s when it came to getting what she wanted.

Loki hoped, as time went on, that he would find something with Laufey’s signature on. He didn’t know why, but he wanted at least some proof that his sire wasn’t some bumbling fool with a crown. But for almost a thousand years there was nothing but Farbauti’s signature on every scroll Loki forced himself to read.

“Find anything good?” Loki asked that night, noticing the large creature the boys were skinning as he sat. It seemed sending Fenrir was a good idea after all.

“The helm was a wolf,” Magni said, reaching behind him for said helm. He tossed it Loki’s way. “It took us until evening to get it. Especially with, well, this,” He nodded to the creature.

“You sound as if I’m going to scold you for keeping yourself alive. I don’t care how long you take to get it so long as you come back here before nightfall. The last thing we need is our party getting smaller because one of you decided to rush excavating a temple giants made.”

The twins shared a look, and a twist of their faces before they delved into everything else they’d found trying to get the helm, which, wasn’t much. The altar was bare, the twins thinking whatever might have been on it had been hidden further inside. But there were carvings on it that caught their eye as they climbed it.

“There were images,” Modi tried to describe, before pulling out a small scrap of skin he’d sketched on before Loki came back. “I don’t really know what it’s meant to be about but, that looks like the helmet right?”

It did. On the small drawings Modi made there was a person with a helm similar to the one in Loki’s lap. Everything else was out of context so Loki couldn’t make much out of it, but, to him it looked like, “It’s telling a story. Or some event. You remember the stonework in the city square?”

Modi nodded. The stonework in question was the entire square actually. The stones, the walls, even the fountain in the middle was carved in some place to show the people the story of Odin’s conquest over Vanaheim. Thor used to bring Loki there when they were younger and tell him their mother used to bring them as children.

“She’d tell us about how her people still hope to reclaim their independence one day,” Thor would say. “Remember?”

But Loki didn’t. He must have been too young.

Still, the idea was the same here. Someone had decided to immortalise this God or whatever, in the very altar of their temple. Dedicated wasn’t something Loki would have applied to the frost giants before now, but, well, he couldn’t say otherwise with proof in front of him.

He handed the scrap back, holding the wolf helm up to the sparse light they had. “It’s small,” Loki noted.

“There may be a bigger one further inside,” Magni said.

“If there were then why was it not on show?” Loki countered. “They wouldn’t make something this small just for fun.”

“You think their God is one of us then?” Modi asked.

Loki shrugged. It was as good a guess as they were going to get. Odin, again, came to mind as Loki looked at the helm. While his symbol had always been a bird, Loki didn’t put it past him not to come to Jotunheim disguised. Perhaps the temple wasn’t an ode to Odin. Perhaps it was some kind of tribute centre, an old trading point they’d transformed into a place of horror stories and fearful sacrifices in the hopes Odin may have mercy on them and bring them back their casket.

That didn’t answer why it was a wolf if that were the case however.

He tossed the helmet back, “Keep exploring if you want. It’s certainly something I would be looking into if I wasn’t in the library.”

“You could always come with us,” Modi offered.

Loki shook his head before he could even consider it, “Someone has to keep looking for a way to Midgard. Maybe someday I can come back here and look where you three have tread.”

The twins shared a look, Magni hesitantly offering, “You know we don’t mind if you take a break, right? I know we’ve not known each other long, but, we don’t expect anything from you prince Loki.”

“That’s kind of you to say,” If incorrect. Loki knew they had some expectations of him. Maybe not of the ‘frost giant and will kill me in my sleep’ kind but certainly the kind to get them out of Jotunheim at some point. “But, I’m afraid I have expectations of myself. Keep exploring, and if at some point the words start swimming in front of my eyes I’ll catch up with you.”

He got extra cuddles for that when night came. At this point, Loki was sure the boys weren’t even trying to keep their distance. They were in a strange land, with someone they had at least been taught was there to protect them above all others, so Loki knew why they trusted him so easily. Still, he was used to Thor being the one people lay on in the night. This whole hero thing didn’t come so easily to Loki.

More boring meetings assaulted his eyes the next day. The day after too. Loki went through twelve hundred years of boring meetings before Farbauti’s name faded on paper and was replaced instead with, “Loki.” His older brother, Loki knew.

Before, other Loki had been just a name on a bit of skin. But here, his signature lay. Loki had lived. Long enough to oversee a council meeting. Which begged the question of just how old he had been when he’d died. Not to mention where Laufey was. What had happened between this signature and Farbauti’s that allowed someone outside of their bloodline to take control of the realm?

He didn’t know. Nor did he think he would ever know as nothing between this scroll and the last indicated any struggle in power. There was merely a line in Farbautis’ first document that stated ‘Loki is dead. Farbauti survives to rule us’. No Helblindi. No Byleistr or Guma or Hron or any of Loki’s extended family.

He paged back through this Loki’s documents, coming closer and closer to when Odin would have decreed the end of the great war. Then, about two hundred and ninety years after the war would have ceased, Loki saw other Loki’s signature change. Skrymir was crossed out and Loki written next to it, then no Skrymir or other Loki at all. Instead, what greeted Loki’s eyes were his own penmanship. His own name, written exactly how he’d always wrote it. It wasn’t curved how Thor did his own. Or even Frigga’s. Instead, it was written in runes. Frigga had always said it was because Loki learned runes before he learned other forms of writing. Loki thought it had been true, he certainly didn’t find the urge to write any other way when it came to his name.

It made his signature unique anyway. Only he could write his runes with the flicking l and stocky o. He didn’t question it either. Didn’t think that perhaps someone had misplaced this from when Loki had first been attending council meetings, perhaps sending it down to Jotunheim and… well, there was no other explanation really. Anything else was incredulous to even consider.

This was Loki’s handwriting. That was Loki’s name.

He went back further, uncovering more documents with his name attached. More and more for a solid five months, then that too changed with the last, or the first, document Loki had signed proclaiming, ‘Laufey is dead, Loki survives to rule us’.

He tossed it aside, scrambling for the one before it where Laufey’s signature lay. Laufey’s handwriting. Laufey that had been alive. Laufey that wasn’t dead by Loki’s hands in Asgard.

Laufey was dead. But Loki didn’t do it. So who had that been in Asgard? Why- why was his name here?

Helblindi’s name came up at one point. But the majority of it was Laufey’s. Which meant Laufey hadn’t been the blundering oaf Loki thought he was. He’d ruled Jotunheim at one point, just not when Loki had ruined Thor’s coronation. Not for centuries if these documents were to be believed.

He read them all, carefully, meticulously. He read about boring trade deals and, at one point crop yields. He read about an incident with Laufey with meant Helblindi was named regent, then Loki when Helblindi was deposed somehow. He read about the guards being increased, the nobles being purged, the interruption of a council meeting.

“Prince Loki’s birthright as regent was challenged,” Loki read. “Farbauti rescinded challenge after council from the people.”

It couldn’t be him. It just- it couldn’t.

Yet there was mention of a runt being brought to the palace. Wasn’t that what they called giants of his height? Runts? One of Laufey’s bloodline too. He was the only one that had been named a runt. By, well, not Laufey Loki supposed. Whoever was on Laufey’s throne when he’d went to lead the giants into Asgard once more. They had called him a runt. They had known he was of Laufey’s blood too, but they had called him a runt. A runt meaning that the others of the litter were perfectly fine. Perfectly giant. Why wouldn’t they be? They had Farbauti as a bearer or sire, or however it worked here. Loki had nothing attached to his name. Nothing but documents in front of him and a past he wasn’t so sure of anymore.

He tore off his signature, keeping it close in hand as he retired early to their chambers. He couldn’t be there anymore, in the place that housed answers he may not be ready to face yet. He needed- he just needed to think, to work this out.

The helm hit his foot as he walked to their bed. The helm, he knew, would fit. He didn’t have a flash of memory, or even an inane gut feeling, he just knew, logically, that it would fit him. It had to. Who else would have been of his height and blood status that could elevate themselves to Godhood?

He’d tried it before, on Midgard. Well, he’d given it his brief effort since that attempt was more focused on getting away from unsavoury people than ruling. But, it looked like he’d done it here too. He’d successfully done it here.

Grabbing the charred rock they’d been using in their firepit, Loki turned the skin over and wrote his name. Then wrote it again, and again and again. He wrote it with his other hand. He wrote it with his eyes shut. He wrote it without thinking until he knew, without a doubt that was his handwriting and the one on the other side was his handwriting too.


	4. Chapter 4

He’d been to Jotunheim. Lived here. He’d met his family and seemed to have forgotten it all.

The how he had suspicions about. Suspicions that were becoming more plausible the longer they sat in his mind.

He’d always been curious about his and Thor’s shared past. How, after a certain age, the memories grew… vague. He’d put it down to age. It wasn’t far fetched to believe someone well past a millenia would forget their first few hundred years alive. But, Loki had found it strange that this had happened when he was still in his early hundreds. At five hundred he could barely remember the adventures of three. What he did recall he’d fabricated out of memories Thor possessed. That, or, they seemed to be shallow. A feeling. A brief glimpse that, when looked closer, just didn’t make sense to his mind.

Now he knew why.

Especially if it was the spell Loki thought it was.

If Odin weren’t dead now, Loki would have killed him. Really, truly killed him. Loki always felt he was standing on a thread when it came to Odin. His love so thin that at any moment Loki may just do something to make it snap. But he’d always thought, deep down, that there was some love there. That Odin cared for him at least.

Loki wasn’t so sure now.

Even when he’d tossed himself into nothing he’d been sure that there was something inside of Odin that cared for him. Why else would he have kept Loki locked up instead of killing him?

“Prince Loki?”

Modi nudged a slab of meat next to him. “My thanks,” Loki gave.

He picked at the meal, using the small actions given to him to gather himself together. He couldn’t let this hinder their progress. What did it matter who Loki had once been? What Odin had taken away?

It had happened. There was no chance of regaining those lost years. What mattered now was getting to Midgard. To Thor and the rest of their people.

It was barely any of Loki’s life, he reasoned. Just a few hundred years. Not the millenia he’s lived as who he is now. What did it matter if he may have been someone different? If he may have known both parents. Known a true family.

It didn’t.

They were gone.

All of it was gone. Crossed out in that damn book.

He finished the meat, looking over to where the rest of their supplies were freezing. “We’re going to have to hunt again tomorrow.” Feeding one small giant, one giant wolf and two Aesir meant there was never enough food to last them more than three days. Hopefully, when it came to scouting, the fact there would only be one of them going in either direction would mean their supplies would last longer.

“There’s plenty of game in the temple,” Modi said quietly, him and his brother letting Loki have his space.

“Is that where Fenrir is?” He didn’t hear the wolf at all. Not like Loki usually would have. He could be quiet when he wanted to be, but that was quite rare outside of hunting.

“Er,” Magni stalled.

He was going to have to teach these boys to get better at covering their tracks. “Where is he?”

“He er,” Magni tried, “He went off.”

“Went off?”

The twins shared a look, Loki having to physically stop himself from looking skyward at their hopelessness. Even Thor had some tact. “Well, we were looking further inside-”

“To see if we could find anything else about that small God-”

“Right, and Fenrir was behind us then-”

“Well, then he wasn’t.” They both gave a timid shrug.

“We tried looking for him,” Magni promised. “But then it got dark and we remembered what you said-”

“About not staying out too late in case something happened-”

“So we came back. But,” Magni piped up, “He’s a big wolf, so, I mean, he can handle himself?”

Loki didn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes this time, “You can set a fire, you can lock the door, just make sure you’re alone before you go to sleep.” He grabbed a ball of fire, letting it float ahead of him, “I should be back before morning.”

The temple, Loki hadn’t travelled to yet. Truly, before today, he’d been thinking of not seeing it at all this time in Jotunheim. He had been curious, yes, about this so called God, but, at the time, he’d reasoned Ragnarok took precedence over some made up giant deity who could very well be Odin in disguise. Or Hela.

But the twins had told him enough that Loki knew, whereabouts, it lay, and after his little revelation, well, he was a little curious himself about seeing this so called temple.

Jotunheim at night was a blanket of darkness. The moon hung heavy, half full, in the sky, the stars around it of, probable, other planets filled with giants the only light he had. That and the fire that did its best to show Loki the hazards in his way before he bumped face first into them.

It wasn’t too far from the palace, and, if Odin were to be believed, this was where Loki had been ‘found’ in his grand story of acquiring Loki. Yes, Loki may have heard this story from Frigga, but it was Odin’s memories that had poisoned her mind.

Frigga.

Loki had never thought about how she fit into it, and by just thinking about her Loki had to stop for a moment as a wave of nausea hit him. It had never been her fault for lying to him. She hadn’t known. He knew that now. Her confusion when she told Loki how she came to have a frost giant for a son, how she wasn’t sure of the story herself, like she had to ask Odin again and again where Loki had come from. That wasn’t fake. Frigga hadn’t known. She’d never lied to him. She’d been a pawn in all this just as much as Loki. Her memories of him, teaching him magic, caring for him as an infant, they had all been fabricated by Odin and that…

She’d loved him. She had to have, right? That wasn’t fake was it? She didn’t know. She’d never known. Odin had probably tried to force Loki off as Aesir in her mind too. In her memories. She may have even had memories of carrying him and it all- all of it had been false.

But she loved him. She’d done her best.

He had to believe that otherwise… otherwise she was complicit too and Loki couldn’t stand that. He’d loved Frigga more than his own life. She couldn’t have betrayed him too. Right?

He forced his feet to keep on marching, the snow soft and giving beneath his feet. Had giants still been here, the snow would have hardened into ice. But only creatures lived in Utgard now, and they housed themselves in the grand structures that were still habitable. That meant Loki was left to fall through the snow with every step and struggle his way to the first gigantuous step that took an age to climb up.

He didn’t call out when he reached the top. Loki was desperate, not stupid. He knew if he shouted his location he would be ambushed before Fenrir could even think to raise his head. So he kept his voice to himself, and started along the short hall that led to the first of many caverns.

It was too dark to see that altar or hangings the twins would in daylight. Loki sent his fire around in hopes to glimpse something that would lead him to Fenrir, and prayed something wouldn’t catch his eye to keep him here until daybreak.

A corridor was found when Fenrir was not. Keeping his fire small, Loki tip toed along the snow dusted ice to where the walls changed from a gleaming blue to shadows. Dents were seen when Loki tried to figure out just why the walls would have changed, and only when he made out what should have been a foot did he understand. They had changed the walls to stone, the same dark stone that was found all around Utgard. Most likely because the stone was either easier to etch into, or, it preserved the images longer.

The fire came low once more. Curious, his mother had always called him, what Frigga had always called him, and curious had often led him into more trouble than he needed. Right now he knew that curiosity would strand them in Jotunheim for years rather than months, so Loki did his best to ignore his very nature and keep his head to the ground and ear to those that lurked in the temple.

“Fenrir?” He hissed, low but carrying in this cavernous structure. “Fenrir the twins are worried.”

He journeyed further when nothing answered his call. To where the light disappeared even more and the air grew warmer. He didn’t think it was fire. He wasn’t too certain it wasn’t. But, often, when ice was deprived of a constant gust of air it could grow warmer on its own. Or, at least, it didn’t have the icy chill a gust would bring further up the temple corridors.

“Fenrir?”

Still nothing, and Loki wondered whether that was by choice.

He walked again, walked until his feet ached and he was plotting Fenrir’s demise at his own hands if the wolf wasn’t already dead. Not even caring now, he sent his fire on ahead like he had done so many times before, and of course when he was tired and worn out did something glitter in the hallway he found himself in.

Thankfully he knew the eyes that fire reflected and managed to paint some semblance of a scowl on his face as he demanded, “Where have you been? Do you know how long it’s been? You have a curfew for a reason. We all do.”

Fenrir, strangely, hung his head at Loki’s admonishment, shuffling closer, before picking himself back up and nudging his nose against Loki’s. The message was familiar, if unexpected. “No. No, I’m not following you Fenrir we’re going back. It’s late.”

Fenrir wasn’t listening. With a few paws at the ground, and Loki knowing he wouldn’t be able to go back without indulging the wolf, he changed shape and landed on Fenrir’s back. If he was going to be dragged along he wasn’t walking, so let Fenrir and his little fire lead the way down even more corridors.

It didn’t take as long as it would have if Loki had been walking alone. Fenrir, and Loki just realised it, but Fenrir was a giant. A giant among wolves in Asgard to be sure, but in Jotunheim he was roughly the size a wolf would be. Which was strange. Then it wasn’t as Loki realised he’d never took the time to learn what animals actually lived on Jotunheim. Wolves could live here. Which meant that Fenrir was probably born here. Which begged the question how he ended up in Hela’s company.

Unless he’d just died and Hela decided she wanted a companion.

He didn’t know. Nor did he think he was going to get an answer, but whoever was watching over Loki’s sad life seemed to be following his train of thought as, when Fenrir stopped and Loki’s fire grew large enough to see the cavern completely, he was faced with the reality of what he’d learned.

He had been here. If he’d had his doubts before he didn’t now as he looked up to see himself immortalised on black rock. The helm the twins had brought him was on his head, and lines he’d glimpsed only so often in the mirror since he’d discovered his origins clear as day in this picture. Beside and behind him were giants. An army, Loki thought, only to see the wagons they pulled behind them.

Refugees?

Whoever they were, they didn’t bear the usual markings Loki had come to associate with giants. Truly, they looked a bit like Aesir, only larger and with heritage lines. There were no horns, nor lack of clothing. In fact, these people were clothed as much as Loki would expect someone travelling in sub zero to wear.

This was him. His history. His life that had been stolen from him.

Although why Fenrir was showing him this he didn’t figure out until the wolf rubbed himself against Loki and the wall right after. He nosed the picture of Loki, then something to the right of him, something Loki hadn’t noticed on his first look.

It was a wolf. A small wolf. Practically a child and it didn’t take five guesses for Loki to know who it was.

“This is you.” He brought the fire in closer, more focused so he could see it better.

Fenrir sat himself down, admiring his engraved self with a vanity Loki didn’t expect from the wolf.

“We knew each other,” Loki summarised.

Not the answer Fenrir was expecting from the swift bark he gave, he growled low in his throat and nudged Loki’s head with his own a few times. The sentiment was enough for Loki to understand there was more than just a passing acquaintance between them. They’d spent enough time with each other to be friends. For Fenrir to halt instead of attack when he saw Loki once more.

“I don’t understand.” The floor came to his knees very suddenly, his mind sluggishly going through what he knew again and again as Fenrir tried to tell him in words he simply didn’t possess about their shared past.

He heard a low keening noise. It took a moment for him to register it was coming from himself.

Everything he knew. Everything he thought he’d clawed back for himself, it was all a lie, again and for what? What had been so bad that Odin felt the need to destroy Loki, or who Loki used to be? What was so wrong with him that he’d needed Odin’s constant supervision. Since that what this was. This wasn’t generosity that had Odin taking Loki in. He could have abandoned Loki to the depths of Muspelheim and be done with it. He wouldn’t have known better, wouldn’t have remembered what it was that he’d needed to forget. But Odin hadn’t done that. He’d masqueraded Loki as his own. He made sure that every move Loki performed was overseen by someone else, and that he had good reason for being reported back to. He was Loki’s ‘father’ after all. No one was going to question why a king wanted to know how his son was doing.

He felt sick. He was tired. He just… he didn’t know.

But Fenrir had an idea. He was in Helheim, somehow, and away from Loki. He must have been gone before Odin wiped him. That meant he’d avoided Odin’s memory spell. Odin was good, but even he couldn’t do the whole nine realms in one go. Vanaheim, possibly, he did after Asgard. But the others? If Loki had been ingrained enough with the royal family in his first life, seen enough by ambassadors, Odin could have easily persuaded them to keep their silence on this newly acquired son. That, or he got rid of them. That sounded more like Odin. Removing those that knew his secrets and replacing with them with people that were too stupid to question what Odin told them.

Jotunheim knew too, otherwise they wouldn’t have this temple still. Or Loki’s signature in the library.

He could always… ask.

He pulled his hair, the spark of pain making him think clearly again.

It didn’t matter.

None of this mattered.

What did was getting to Thor.

He stood himself back up, “We better go before the twins think we’re dead,” He made himself say, changing into a bird to make the trip back easier on his legs.

It was faster getting back to their room than it was walking to the temple. The twins were asleep when they stepped in, Loki looking at their young faces and wondering what they might have known before all this. What they would have known, Loki realised as he thought back over what they’d told him. Odin didn’t just make orphanages for anyone. He left that to Frigga, mainly, and even then he rarely thought it a good idea.

But they would have been children.

He felt that nauseous feeling creep back up his throat, and found himself curling up away from the twins when he set his head down. Fenrir curled up next to him, Loki burrowing into his soft fur. He needn’t fear Fenrir anymore. He was a friend, he’d said so himself. Which was why Loki found himself mumbling, “If you find anything more about us, can you tell me. Don’t mention it to the twins. Just me okay?”

Fenrir’s fur twitched, yes, he was saying, and Loki tried that night to not think about everything he’d left behind. Everything that hadn’t been real.

He tried to pretend those documents didn’t exist the next day. But, truthfully, they were the best lead he had. He didn’t just mean about his identity problem either. These documents were the oldest he’d found so far. They were a glimpse into the court life, of strangers coming and going, of trade routes and crop yields. They were the stories he needed so he had to look. He just didn’t want to, and while it might have been selfish on his part, he was adamant that there had to be something in another part of this library that might offer answers he wouldn’t need looking through court documents to find.

Five weeks in total they spent on Jotunheim. Five weeks was what it took for Fenrir to trot over to Loki one morning with a small book in his teeth. “What’s that then?” Loki sighed, knowing the wolf was just fulfilling that late night question Loki had bade of him.

It was old and tattered. Small too which piqued Loki’s interest. He could hold it in both of his hands rather comfortably, and while he had to squint after reading far too many large prints with giant handwriting, it was nice to hold something familiar again.

The _Edda_ it was called, and Loki saw inside that it bore a name to mark it as his own. Or, not, he supposed as the handwriting was different. The other Loki then.

He didn’t think he’d ever been so repulsed by a book as he was by this one. Birthing horses. Snakes. _Hela_. It was all so absurd. Yet Fenrir thought it important and Loki saw why when he reached the end. There were notes in the margins, things other Loki thought were important to include. Loki didn’t think anything of it until he finished the whole text, only then, when he finished rolling his eyes at the dramatics of the end of the nine realms instead of merely Asgard did he go back through with a keener eye.

Instinct, he would call it later. But something stopped him from dismissing the book altogether. Perhaps it was because Ragnarok had come around, and some parts were eerily similar to how this book described them. Or, perhaps it was because Loki’s mind was one step ahead of his comprehension, and his skimming of other Loki’s notes made his hackles rise before he knew what to be afraid of.

The additions started near the middle of the book, where the Loki inside started fornicating with every maiden in sight. One in particular had caught other Loki’s attention, the addition next to her name reading ‘put in place’. Angrboda was a witch in this text, a giant that, with this Loki birthed the beings that would bring about Ragnarok. There wasn’t anything more about her, no explanation about what ‘put in place’ meant or where this place was. The only thing Loki could guess was that she had fulfilled whatever role other Loki had planned for her as Fenrir- he shot a look to the wolf at his side- Jormungandr and Hela were underlined and ‘birthed’ wrote next to their monikers.

Further on, Frey, who Loki had always put down to some kind of spelling error, or mistake with Freyja’s name, was important enough to have quite a few annotations. ‘The Vanir have taken arms,’ one said. ‘Frey is in hiding, will have to sort out.’ ‘Sutur has him,’ was the last line associated with Frey’s name.

Loki had scoffed before at the name, but on second thought, he wasn’t so sure. His life was a lie. He had three hundred, if not more, years missing. Why could there not be a Frey?

So, Loki came to realise, if there had been a Frey, then what else was true in this book? He shot another look at Fenrir. Saying something, even asking Fenrir if it were at all possible, was tricky. He didn’t want Fenrir to turn on him. But the wolf already knew that there was something off with Loki and… those eyes. Perhaps Loki had his answer after all.

He found the twins as soon as he connected the dots together. They were trying on Loki’s helm in front of the giant mirror they found the other day. While, usually, Loki would have made fun of their hurry to snatch the thing off their heads, today, this month actually, had him in a bit of a foul mood.

“We need to get to Midgard,” he said.

The twins shared a look, “I thought that was what we were doing,” Modi said carefully.

“We are, but we need to get there now. Before Thor.” Thor couldn’t reach Midgard. How something hadn’t happened to him before Loki didn’t know. They needed to go. They needed to go now.

“Did you find a passageway?” Magni asked.

“No.”

“Then how are we to get to Midgard?” Modi asked. It was all so careful, like they were stepping on eggshells around him. One wrong word and he might explode.

Right now, he actually thought he might. “I don’t know,” He said. He didn’t. The only passageway he knew to Midgard was on Asgard and-

Oh.

Maybe.

It would certainly mean they could get to Midgard if it worked.

“I… I think we should go back to Asgard,” Loki decided.


	5. Chapter 5

“But,” they shared another look, Magni saying softly, “Prince Loki Asgard is destroyed.”

“No,” he was sure of it. He could feel it. “I don’t think it is. Hela won.” She’d never truly destroyed Asgard until Thor and he came back. A few buildings were down here and there, and Loki’s statues were gone, but, all in all, Hela hadn’t decimated the place until Sutur had been awakened. Not to mention, “Ragnarok is a cycle,” He remembered, not only from the book in his hand but from what his mother used to tell him. “Nothing is truly gone, just reborn into something else.” Even if it was gone, at least they would know for certain. They would see for their own eyes what Ragnarok would wrought. “You can stay and find another way if you wish, but I for one am going to find Thor.”

He packed what food he could spare for himself, along with one of the sizable capes they had made from the skin of their last few hunts.

His boots back on, and Fenrir by his side Loki tracked his way back to their makeshift raft.

He wasn’t surprised that the twins were coming with him. Loki was the only thing keeping them afloat in Jotunheim. Without him in the library, they would have to look themselves, in between hunting, gathering things to burn and fending off whatever beasts had caught their scent. Perhaps if Fenrir were staying with them they might have considered staying until they found a proper way to Midgard instead of a half formed plan. But Fenrir was sticking with Loki, and Loki was off to Asgard.

One of them had the wolf helm in their hands, the other taking a seat at an angle that, for a moment, Loki could trick himself into thinking it were Thor. It brought to mind the rest of the _Edda’s_ convoluted tale. Or, perhaps, not so with how much they resembled Thor.

But, even if Thor were wiped clean like Loki, he couldn’t possibly imagine a Thor that was willing to sleep with a Jotun. Loki was different. When they started whatever it was that had been between them they had both been in the dark about Loki’s heritage. He doubted very much now if he lay himself out for Thor’s appraisal his brother would even spare Loki a second glance.

He didn’t think anymore about that. There were more important things at stake here than Loki’s bedroom habits.

They should have planned more. Perhaps come up with a mode of attack if they encountered Hela. Maybe Loki should have drawn the twins a map, explained better why they needed to get to Midgard so urgently. But, Loki didn’t, frazzled as he was about what he’d read. So off they went, with no backup plan in place and sheer dumb luck hopefully on their side.

Luck that didn’t even hold long enough to get them through the rift unscathed. Somewhere in their journey the raft knocked against something within the void. Just what Loki didn’t know. All he heard was a shout from the back, a yelp from Fenrir and the next he knew the raft was splintering as they popped into Asgard.

It was unsalvageable. The back had completely broken off, and without the dual support from both ends the raft was useless to them as it split off into different parts.

The problem was they didn’t have time to build a new one. The solution was, if Loki’s hunch was right, perhaps they may not need to.

The mountain they emerged onto was still standing. The cave inside still there too. Truly, nothing from up here looked that bad. Until they started down the side. It was a long slope, easily almost a days journey for three men and a wolf. Nightfall had fallen, and with it the familiar smell of Asgard. There was no other way to describe it but home to Loki’s nose. The heat of the air, the dust in the rocks. The burning, that was new however. He could smell it as soon as the foliage was in sight. Or, what should have been foliage.

What had been left of Asgard was no more. The palace was gone. The trees, the flowers, the homes… they were gone too. There was nothing to see for miles around really except soil.

Strangely, it wasn’t dead, the soil. There was life in it, Loki scooping some up to run between his fingers. It was much like his mother's garden, soft, and rich as it hit the floor once more. It wasn’t what Loki expected.

Despite there being nothing around them, it was impossible to find Hela. It was dark, for one, and with no light but Loki’s fire, and the stars that still shone above they couldn’t make out much. Not even each other’s faces if they turned a certain way.

He didn’t want to, but there was no point in going on when what Loki knew was gone. He couldn’t use landmarks to find his way around anymore, and instinct would only get them so far. So he sat down, and made the others do the same.

“I’ll keep watch, you’ll need your strength for tomorrow,” Loki said.

They argued for a while about that, about Loki’s usefulness in comparison to theirs. But Loki didn’t think he would sleep tonight, didn’t want to sleep until he had Thor’s neck in his hands and towing him to the next best realm he could find. So he won, as he knew he would. These boys might have Thor’s stubbornness, and Loki definitely was seeing more of Thor in them the longer he thought about it, but Loki had been out stubborning Thor for centuries before, well, before these boys were born he was going to say but, he wasn’t so sure anymore.

Nothing happened through the night. It didn’t stop Fenrir from growling or snapping at everything he thought was moving but nothing happened.

When daybreak came they gathered their packs again and started down a path that Loki thought led to what used to be the palace.

He didn’t know if they ever got there. If they just walked over it or skirted around it completely. He didn’t know whether he was standing over what used to be his bedroom, his mother’s garden. He didn’t know anything because Asgard was unrecognisable to him. Barren was the wrong word for it, the soil beneath their feet wasn’t barren after all. Yet that was the only word Loki could come up to describe it. Barren. Empty. Devoid of everything that had made it Loki’s home for the past millennia.

They walked for five days, around and around in circles. That, or, Loki had forgotten just how long Asgard was. Eventually however, they came to the sea.

“Just where should this portal be?” Modi asked.

“Around there,” He waved to the sea. “Somewhere. It’ll be harder to find now the palace is gone.” Now everything was gone.

“And we’re going to swim there?” Magni guessed.

“Hopefully not.”

They walked for days longer, how many Loki lost track of since his stomach was taking up most of his brains telling him it was hungry. The twins and Fenrir didn’t help either with their own complaining. They should have brought more food. That, or Loki should have done a better job of figuring out where they were.

The only thing they could do was fish, and until Modi brought up that first, beautiful specimen, Loki wasn’t even sure there were fish left.

Fish only lasted them so long, and with their appetites they didn’t stretch how they would for other species.

Thankfully, before cannibalism, or eating Fenrir, was spoken between them, they happened upon exactly what Loki had been banking on.

Hela.

They must have went around the forests, since the harbour was still intact. Not all of it, the homes and people were gone. The vast ships that once roamed Asgard’s seas too. But the planks were there, and the ropes. The smaller boats too where Hela was sitting, her legs tossed over the edge, toes dipping into the water below.

“It’s gone,” Hela greeted.

“I gathered,” Loki said, gesturing around them. “But then, that’s what happens when you try and destroy a civilisation.”

Hela snorted, barely moving from her lounge. It worried Loki a bit. Confidence the likes that Hela had only came from people who didn’t need to loom to win a fight. Who knew if it came down to it they would come out on top.

“We need a boat,” Loki said. “To go to Midgard.”

“I gathered,” Hela said, waving to the few she had tied to the pier. “Take your pick.”

None of them moved. Well, Fenrir did, moving past Loki to sniff out which boat he thought was best. “Just like that?” He wasn’t stupid. Just because Fenrir had ties to Hela that didn’t mean they would be allowed to just leave. It hadn’t been that simple before.

Yet, “Just like that,” fell from her lips, Hela finally sitting up, her battle armour gone in favour of her more lounge wear she’d been sporting when they’d first met. “You’re a lot more twitchy than you were last time. Ruder too. I quite liked being called a Lady.”

He had a feeling she wasn’t referring to the battle. Or the meeting in Norway. “Well, I’m afraid things have changed between then and now. Mainly my memories. Looks like father wasn’t above manipulating all of his children to get what he wanted.”

“Bastard,” Hela scoffed, flopping down into her lounge. “I’ve done my part anyway, even if you don’t remember our agreement.”

“That being to destroy Asgard.”

“That being to have my revenge on Odin,” Hela corrected, she waved her hand around, “It wasn’t supposed to end like this. I was going to teach the people, show them what lies they’d been fed their entire lives. Odin was no gracious ruler, just an old man too scared of his own lies to face the monsters he’d created.”

“Of that we can agree.” Loki often wondered what monster he would have become had Odin left him be. Especially now he knew just how far the deception lay.

“Don’t worry though, Asgard will grow again. So go,” she dismissed. “And make sure my brother doesn’t do anything stupid. You were right, I am too young to die. And now I’m free of that awful realm I don’t fancy having to go back.”

Despite her words Loki didn’t run to the first boat he saw. Edging around Hela, one eye on her at all times, he herded the twins to the boat at the edge of the pier. They could sail, thankfully, and now they had the pier to orient themselves Loki could instruct them while keeping an eye out for any tricks from Hela.

There weren’t any. The hours it took them to reach the veil that still stood at the edge of the Asgardian sea, just where the first of the islands started to grow, Hela not once sent spikes after them or any number of draugrs to drag them to the deep.

The veil was easier to navigate to Midgard. Of all of them it always had been. When they popped out the other side unscathed there was only the feeling of breathlessness waiting for them instead of impending doom that came with wondering what was waiting for them in other realms.

Another sea was their first glimpse of Midgard. It was dirtier than Loki remembered, last he’d used this passage. No longer did it gleam in the waning sunlight, and instead a smell wafted up that was decidedly not just the salt in the water.

“It’s colder than I expected,” Modi said. Loki glanced back to see the two of them twisting their noses up at the water.

“Warmer than Jotunheim though,” Loki said.

At that they had to grin. Anywhere was warmer than Jotunheim.

“Which way from here then?” Magni asked.

Loki sent a gust to the sail, taking up one of the oars before one of the twins could get out of navigating. He needed something to distract him, and manual labour worked for Thor so perhaps it would work for himself.

“No idea.” The tesseract had helped the last time to navigate around Midgard. That, and Loki’s unwilling accomplices. Without either of them, he had to rely on instinct that was telling him to sail west. So west they went. “We’ll bump into something sooner or later.”

With the sea beneath their feet they had an easier time of surviving than when they were on Asgard. Fenrir got seasick, which left Loki and the twins to use whatever Loki could conjure to fish. That, and Loki had the handy ability to change shape.

With magic on their side, and instinct leading them most of the way, they ended up at land after a couple of weeks. Weeks that were far too long for Loki’s liking, but, he thought, with how Thor was travelling the universe right now, they were still ahead of him. A good three months considering all the wormholes Thor would have to find without a functioning navigator. At least he had Heimdall, Loki told himself.

While he didn’t want Thor to reach Midgard, he certainly didn’t want his brother to be lost in space the rest of his life.

When land did appear on the horizon it was nothing more than a small island that niggled some part of Loki’s brain. He’d been here before, and by before Loki knew not just when he was sneaking around as Prince Loki, but before that too, before Odin took what life he’d had and turned him into a puppet.

The larger island behind it became clearer the nearer to the first one they got. Loki remembered long nights spent here, when the towns weren’t so foggy and the countryside peaceful in a way that other realms were not. It was probably because Midgardians had such short lives. Loki could be in one and come back a hundred years and never see the same faces again. There were no long held grudges on Midgard.

It was the same now. Except, Loki hadn’t been gone long enough for his deeds to have been forgotten as of yet.

“England,” He told the others as they disembarked. “And quite a fair way from where we need to be.”

Magni stopped with his foot hanging over the edge of the boat, “So should we get back in?”

Loki considered it, but, ultimately, the Midgardians had advanced from long boat rides in the spanning years. “No. We’ll fly. And hope the procedure is as simple as Barton made it out to be.”

When Loki had the man captive, quite many jokes were sent his way, namely those of flying ‘commercial’ while they had been zoning in on the helicarrier. Loki hadn’t a clue what the man had been on about, but, as he tricked the minds of a few Midgardians to let them through the ticket area, he was starting to.

Security was a nightmare. Despite them not having any luggage Loki was almost searched, saving himself at the last minute with another helpful bit of magic. The twins, however, were not so lucky, and since Loki needed his reserves to keep Fenrir out of suspicion, he let the two of them be felt up by Midgardians.

Once security was dealt with it wasn’t like they could just hop on a flight. Apparently, while it was a convenient mode of transport, there was quite a lot of waiting involved. Four hours they sat there, Loki’s nerves getting frailer by the second as he expected a portal to open up beneath him or someone to start yelling about the ‘mad villain’ come back to claim their souls.

When they finally made it onto the plane, it wasn’t the experience Loki thought it would be. When he’d been on board the smaller ones with Barton, he’d had room to stretch his legs, maybe take a well needed nap. On this one, he barely had room to breathe.

Fenrir hated the whole experience too. The height made his ears pop, and he spent most of the flight with his head buried, or trying to be buried, in Loki’s lap. Thankfully they had three rows to themselves or the wolf wouldn’t have even fit inside. Still, it was rather difficult making those hostess people duck and crawl under Fenrir’s bulk without revealing there was a ten foot wolf on their plane.

It was a long, ardorous experience that Loki did not want to repeat. As soon as they made it to Stark, or whoever was still alive these days, Loki was requesting some kind of holographic map and sailing the first chance he got to Vanaheim.

“There are a lot of pretty people here,” Magni told Loki as they got off a ‘bus’ and onto the streets of New York. “Lots of interesting fashion too. You didn’t mention in your play how colourful these Midgardians were.”

Loki saw his eyes tracking one scantily clad female that honestly wasn’t anymore clothed than her companions. “My play didn’t mention a lot of things.” He grabbed both twins by the arms before they could wander off, “We need to make a plan of action. First things first is finding who’s still alive. Preferably, I’d liked to find the Captain. His bleeding heart will at least allow us an audience before he hands us over to his government.” Second to him was the spider. She would be able to read his sincerity if nothing else. Honestly, any of them would be preferable but that damned charleton masquerading as a sorcerer.

“Where will we find these people?” Modi asked, he at least getting back on track.

“Last I saw them their base was in a large building with STARK along the side. Things might have changed since then.” So the best thing to do was to grab a newspaper and ask around. Well, actually, the best thing would be for Loki to change into a bird and scope out the old haunt, but, he didn’t trust his companions to be in the same place he left them when he got back.

So, newspaper it was.

“What are those things they’re tapping on?” Magni asked.

“Phones,” He glanced up, making sure they hadn’t changed into something else since last Loki had been here. Nope, still phones. “Midgardians use them to communicate. Asgard had such a thing if you remember a few hundred years ago.” Then Odin had banned them. Probably because it meant they could communicate with the other realms more easily. All it would have took was one Vanir or Elf with loose lips and Odin’s plans would have unravelled far sooner than he had planned for.

“Perhaps we should get one,” Magni suggested, his eyes already on something other than the phones when Loki looked up at him. “That or-”

The woman he’d been eyeing finally cottoned on she was being watched. Instead of glowering as most mortals did at them, her eyes visibly widened and she all but ran over to them. “Oh my God you’re Thor aren’t you. Or,” She caught Modi too, “Are you Thor?” her phone was clasped, already primed for one of those ‘selfies’ that had distracted the real Thor when they had been here last.

Loki near rolled his eyes when the question inevitably came up, but then an idea struck him as he remembered what else those phones were good for. Changing his form, since Banner wasn’t using it, he ambled over as best he could, tucking his shoulders in as he asked, “Actually I was hoping we could borrow your phone? Avengers stuff.” He made sure to do a quick look around she certainly wouldn’t miss.

The prospect of danger, or wanting to just help, had her handing over the phone immediately, and a few more words of this impending doom had her scurrying to the nearest store to take cover.

“That was generous of her,” Magni said, thumbing the device he’d been given.

“Indeed,” He snatched it before Magni could break it, changing back into his usual guise as he thumbed open the ‘internet’ button.

It took a while and Loki pick pocketing a few Midgardians for them to buy some donuts before Loki managed to make the damn thing work. His search of ‘the Avengers’ led to more confusing sites than Loki was expecting. There were whole pages dedicated to their team and the injustice of something he didn’t quite understand right now. Whatever these ‘Accords’ were didn’t matter other than the fact that it meant Loki wouldn’t be facing the entire team when he turned up on one of their doors.

“Don’t you have a tracking spell?” Modi asked as Loki tried to locate just where it would be they would find these avengers on their pilfered phone.

“I do. But I’d rather have a good idea of what I’m up against before I find one of them.” Stark was still alive. The Captain Loki was unsure of. Rumour had it he was seen somewhere in Europe, but speculation had never done him well before. The spider was rooming with Stark. Banner was in space and Barton, it looked like, had went off the map. ‘Retired’ the internet called it. “Looks like Stark may be our best bet.” He was closer too.

Refusing to take the bus again, Loki stole a car. Well, a truck since Fenrir didn’t fit in a car. Modi decided he was going to drive, after Loki almost smashed the damn thing to pieces. He wasn’t expecting much when the boy took over, but, Modi actually showed he had more brains than his potential father as he went off for a moment and came back with full knowledge of at least how things worked if not in practice.

They jerked and stopped for three hours while Modi tried not to kill them. Fenrir started grumbling when Modi stopped a bit too suddenly at one point, his threatening growl at least getting Modi to be a bit gentler when he jerked them to another halt.

Eventually they got the device up and running. With the city passing them by, when they weren’t stuck in traffic, Loki worked on his speech. Then gave up on it. They were going to threaten him one way or another, the best thing to do was to speak from the heart and hope their love for Thor was greater than their hate for him.


	6. Chapter 6

The compound was hidden behind an expanse of trees. A gate too, but that was easy enough to fool. Still, tampering he knew would attract attention, so he wasn’t too surprised to see a small group waiting for them as they pulled to a stop.

“Hands up and let me do the talking. Fenrir,” He called, the wolf sneezing to let Loki knew he heard him, “Stay in the truck.”

He put his hands up, noting the new faces among the old before him. Stark had aged, somewhat, since their last meeting. All of those Loki knew from their earlier battle had aged. He hoped they would still be around when Thor reared his stupid head.

“I know this looks deceptive, and if I were in your position, I certainly wouldn’t hear me out,” Not the best way to start things, but Loki thought honesty was best when negotiating. “But Thor is in terrible danger, and… trust me this isn’t easy to say, but you Midgardians are the only ones able to help me. Well,” he amended, “You and the Captain, but I’d rather not get on another plane right now.”

The blast he expected, although it did nothing more than make him step back out of pure shock.

“Ow?” he tried, not knowing what the correct response was in this situation.

“You are alive then,” Stark said, hand lowering. “There was me hoping Thor was telling the truth.”

Loki rolled his eyes, he couldn’t help it, this was all so pointless. “Look, a lot of things have obviously happened since we last met. I’m not dead, you’re not dead, but you’re going to be if we don’t come to some arrangement.” He held his thumbs up, telling them, “Don’t worry, I’m on your side this time.”

The spider broke off from the group, coming close enough to get a good read as she asked, “We’re just supposed to believe that?”

“Believe what you like. But I love Thor, and he is in danger. And if you don’t help me, I truly will have to go to your other teammates because I need someone to help me.” The spider believed him. He could tell she did, just as he could also tell she didn’t want to. Nor did she trust him just because she believed him. She turned, no doubt to give Stark some spiel about letting Loki go find the good Captain so Loki used his trump card. “If you don’t help me then Banner will end up suffering too. If you won’t hear me out for one of your teammates then perhaps two of them will be enough to at least grant me an audience with you.”

There was the taste of desperation in the air when Widow rejoined her group. He saw them snip at each other, the glances they sent at him speaking of distrust. Yet ultimately their curiosity got the better of them.

“You’re staying out here,” Stark said. “Like hell am I letting you into another one of my places.”

“Nor would I expect you to,” Loki agreed.

“Banner,” the Widow insisted when it looked like Stark was about to snark back. “Why would you mention him?”

“Because he’s with Thor, and the rest of my people.” He glanced back at the twins who, until now had remained unscrutinised in the eyes of these Midgardians. Not now, and Loki heard the moment they saw the similarities between them and their beloved Thor. “Perhaps you should tell it,” he insisted, “I only know the end.”

So they did. Between them, and with Fenrir as added proof, they spun the tale of Hela and her army of the undead. When no answers of Banner came from them until the end, Loki added what he knew himself of the Hulk in Sakkar. Truthfully, he wasn’t as ingrained into the details of this story as he usually was. Many of the questions the Midgardians asked he didn’t know the answer to, and the ones he did didn’t show him in a favourable light.

“You destroyed your home world?” Stark barked, “And you want us to let you come to this one?”

“No,” Loki snorted. “Far from it.” He told them how Thor would most likely be coming here. “I, for one, would happily like to live out the rest of my days on Vanaheim. They have a library there that’s said to be like none other in the nine realms. It’s Thor that will be making his way here and Thor who we must stop.”

That metal hand was still aimed Loki’s way when Tony journeyed that little bit closer, “No offence but we like Thor. If he wants to come here I say let him. So bye. Don’t let the veil suffocate you on the way out or something.”

“Haven’t you been listening?” Loki snapped. “Ragnarok has been set in motion.”

“And your world is gone,” Stark repeated. “What’s that got to do with us? It’s over.”

“That’s what I thought,” Loki said. “But Ragnarok is the end of everything. That’s how it’s always been foretold. Not Asgard. Everything.”

“Set in motion,” the Widow repeated, she, at least, understanding why Loki was so panicked. “As in, still ongoing?”

“Frey is dead,” Loki listed, “Odin is gone, Asgard was destroyed in fire. Since Fenrir has no want to eat the sun and moon just yet that must mean something else needs to happen. Heimdall is with Thor, so my fate is secure, but if Thor sets foot on Midgard he is in grave danger.”

“He’s set foot here before,” Stark pointed out.

“That was before Ragnarok had been set into motion.” He thought of another way to explain it. Stark was a man of science so, “Think of it like a chain reaction. Frey was a simple, harmless liquid and Hela the catalyst. Everything is merging into one another, but in order for it to happen in the first place, the action beforehand must be completed. Thor could set foot onto Midgard before, because Hela was in her prison. Now she’s out and Asgard is gone… the prison.” she’d appeared on Midgard. There must have been a veil here somewhere to Helheim. One that had been blocked in some way. Perhaps just before the surface of Midgard, in a space where, say, a giant snake, could live and grow for thousands of years. “Thor’s going to die if he comes here.”

He knew Stark was a smart man, that he could read, somewhere, that Loki was telling the truth here. But, ultimately, “I just can’t trust you.”

Which meant, “I’m going to have to find someone that does then.” He wouldn’t work with Loki. Even if Loki entered into a shallow truce with the man he’d be questioned at every turn. They would be delayed more than working with Stark undermining everything Loki needed to do. So he turned to the twins, “You two stay here. Stark has food and lodging for both of you. I’ll come for you when I’m finished.”

“You’re leaving us?” Magni asked.

“It’s for the best.” They weren’t children. They weren’t dependent on Loki, and he didn’t need to be watching out for them if he had hope of finding the Captain before Thor reached Midgardian space. “It’ll be nicer than Jotunheim,” He bargained when the twins looked like they still may follow him when he turned to leave.

Thankfully it worked. The only ties they had to him were that of survival, and now someone else was capable of giving that protection to them they had no problem handing their reigns over. Still, they were respectful enough to give Loki a bow, and a formal farewell befitting his so called ‘status’.

“Come on then,” he told Fenrir as repulsors fired back up again.

“Whoah, whoah, whoah,” Stark cautioned. “You honestly don’t think I’m letting you leave right?”

“Stark,” he flicked his fingers, the energy draining out of Starks machines until he had two dead weights. “While I know our last battle has left you cocky with victory, perhaps you should question why it was so easy. And the answer, I’m sure you’ll find, is that I wanted to be caught, I just didn’t want it to look that way.” He waved his hand at Stark and the rest of his companions, “Take care of them.”

While the twins, he knew, he would be able to hand off, Fenrir was another matter. If what Loki suspected was true, and Fenrir believed this truth too, then abandoning him with mortals would not be winning him any favours in the father department. It wasn’t like Loki had the power to make Fenrir stay either. He wasn’t stupid. If Fenrir wished to come he would come, no matter what Loki told him.

So off they walked, leaving that damned car behind so Stark wouldn’t laugh himself stupid over Loki struggling to get the machine out of the compound. They picked up another one fast enough, and Loki took the time now he wasn’t being scrutinised by two young Thor’s to work out what Modi had done to make the device move the way he wished.

Magic, Fenrir barked at one point, and Loki was wanting to agree. But stubbornness won out, and eventually they were on the road, driving to the nearest airport.

With the delay before Loki would be stuck under Fenrir’s bulk for hours on end, he used the tracking spell he was want to use earlier and searched for the Captain. Somewhere he rattled the name off to the lady at the front desk and spent the next few hours researching so he would know just what was in store for him.

“Oh good, it’s hot.” He had never been a fan of the heat. When he’d been younger, he’d put it down to disliking the humidity that would make his hair curl and his mother drag him into the sun to ‘play with his friends on this nice day’. Now, with ice literally running through his veins it turned out he may have a good reason for disliking the heat.

It made staying in America with their unshadowed sun uncomfortable, and according to google weather it would be hotter in Spain. Wonderful. Just what he needed.

That wasn’t even taking into account that Fenrir could, potentially, be part Jotun as well. He had the added effect of fur too poor thing. It would not be a good few months for Fenrir.

The plane was awful, again, and their food just as bad. With his stomach growling for something substantial the two of them cleaned out the nearest restaurants they found before stealing a car that would hold Fenrir’s bulk and starting on the winding roads that would lead them to the Captain.

He didn’t have a plan if the Captain told him no too. Truthfully, he’d been banking on their want to help their friends to smooth the way for Loki’s plan. If this avenue went south just like Stark then Loki would be forced to do something drastic, and altogether awful for everyone on Midgard. Like talk to their politicians. Or go to that charleton for help.

If worse, truly, came to worse, he could always try taking over again. He hadn’t put his heart into his last attempt. He’d just been wanting to get back to Asgard truthfully. Away from Thanos and his mad ideology. Away from staring into dark nothing between torture sessions.

With his wits with him once more, taking over shouldn’t be a problem. The only thing was he’d rather not resort to that. He wasn’t planning on staying after all. Just long enough that he could make contact with Thor, perhaps send supplies up there, and open up a portal to Vanaheim where they could fight or rest peacefully while Hela rebuilt their home for them.

Once she did that was a different story. But until then this was his plan and he was sticking to it.

No thoughts of Jotunheim. Of the void or anything else that could delay him.

It took them almost a week to find the Captain. The man kept moving around, and by the time Loki managed to pin them long enough to catch up, he just knew it wasn’t because the man was enjoying a drink by the poolside.

The Widow was there, waiting for him outside of the rundown motel he’d tracked. “You beat me,” Loki accused lightly, hopping down into the stifling humidity. “Should have guessed you were playing both sides of this rift.”

A corner of her mouth tilted up, a smile if Loki had ever seen one, “You know about the fallout.”

“I’ve done my research.” Hence why he was confident in leaving Stark in search of another way. “Had to. Father always said to never go into something unprepared.” Advice that Loki tried to take to heart since, well, Odin was an awful not father, but his advice could be good at times. “You’ve warned him then.”

“Of course,” She agreed easily. “I’ve also told them to hear you out.”

He didn’t let surprise litter his features at her generosity. Mainly because he caught the ‘them’ she put in her sentence. Stark had his expanding team, Loki should have known the Captain would as well.

“Is Thor really in danger?” The Widow asked. “Really Loki?”

“I wouldn’t be here if he wasn’t.”

“And Bruce? Banner,” She corrected. “He’s with Thor?”

“Last I knew,” Loki promised. “Everything was a bit hurried, but I distinctly remember the Hulk whining as Thor dragged him into the ship.”

Fenrir barked in agreement.

She considered him a moment longer before her head inclined just slightly. Helping Fenrir down, they followed her into the motel and up the narrow stairs to where two men were huddled around a sequence of maps. The Captain Loki recognised immediately. He didn’t look a day older than when they met, save for the beard that was growing in patchy around his mouth. The other one Loki had no recognition towards, and save for the glimpse of annoyance on the darker man’s face he didn’t know Loki that well either.

“Captain,” Loki greeted, letting Fenrir brush past him to the fan that wasn’t doing a lick of help in this heat. “I trust you know why I’m here.”

Rogers looked up, his eyes glancing over Loki momentarily before going back to his map, “Natasha mentioned it.”

“Then you know I’m not here to do you harm. Merely use your knowledge and fame to convince your best scientists to send a message to Thor. I’d go to his Midgardian but Thor said they’d ‘broken up’ and I don’t particularly wish to get slapped again.”

There was a wry twist to all mouths present at that last comment. Perhaps a performance of slapstick was in his future if it removed the tension between himself and Midgard.

Rogers turned, slightly, from his map, the look on his face telling Loki this wasn’t going to be good. “Look, as much as I would like to help Thor, I can’t. America doesn’t exactly want me there anymore. SHIELD is gone and I honestly don’t know how else I can help. Natasha’s been talking to Stark. Maybe if you went back-”

“He’s not going to help,” Loki insisted. “I’ve seen him with my own eyes, men like that, they hinder more than they help if they think it’s the right thing to do.”

“He’s right,” the Widow said.

Rogers shook his head, “Then you’re going to have to find someone else.”

“I have,” Loki said, pointedly staring at Rogers.

“America-” Rogers tried again.

“It doesn’t have to be America. Honestly you Midgardians. This is why my father stationed governors in other worlds. You don’t have to go to ‘America’. If America isn’t listening then go somewhere else. The whole world doesn’t hate you Rogers. Someone will listen.”

“They’ll take me in for treason,” Rogers snapped. “I have plans, things I need to do I can’t do behind a cell-”

“And things you won’t be doing if we don’t stop Thor. You’re a smart man, you understand the bigger picture. Please,” He never thought he would get there, but there Loki was begging the Captain to helm. “Please, my home is gone. My family is gone, and if you don’t help me then our entire existence will be gone. I may have tried to kill myself before but even I’m smart enough to fear Ragnarok. It won’t be quick. It won’t be in your sleep, or a quick bullet in your head. We will suffer to our dying breath. Just like my people did.”

He wasn’t saying no because of his freedom. Loki knew that, he could tell just from looking at Rogers. He was making excuses because he simply didn’t know another way to help and thought sending Loki back Stark’s way would alleviate the guilt hanging in his eyes.

“Wakanda,” Interrupted them.

In almost a blink Rogers was back to his usual self. His mild, “Sam,” May have been staying the idea, but he was latching onto it nonetheless.

This Sam must have known so as he repeated, “Wakanda,” into the room again. “They’re advanced enough they could build whatever thing he wants.”

“We’ve already imposed on him too much,” Rogers said, but he was folding the maps in front of him anyway.

“It’s not really imposing if it’s the end of the world,” Sam argued. “I don’t know about you but I do not like how he described my final hours if we just sit here and do nothing.”

“He’s not going to be very happy with us,” Rogers protested, more to push along the blame if he got in trouble with whoever this Wakanda was. “Especially when he sees…” he nodded Loki’s way.

“That’s if he even knows who the dude is,” Sam said. “No offence your princeliness or whatever but you’re not the most evil dude I’ve seen on my TV these past couple of years.”

“Thank you?”

“I’ll get the jet,” Natasha said.

Wonderful. More flying.

Rogers wasn’t the man Loki had thought he was. He learned that on their plane ride. Loki had assumed, seeing Fenrir buried in Loki’s lap he would garner a bit of sympathy off the man. Oh no. As soon as they were up in the air a few hours, he was watching Loki with a small smile on his mouth. When asked what was so funny, Rogers said, “Nothing. Just, the last time I saw you shitting your pants on a plane your brother popped down a second later to whoop your ass.”

“Well he’s not coming this time,” Loki hissed, and despite the small dip in Roger’s good humour at that comment and the thoughts it brought with it he was subject to a whole load of statistics and ‘common facts’ that did not make Loki feel at all better and had the Captain in stitches by the time they were nearing to land.

Wakanda, Loki’s first look at Wakanda, was like walking in a dream. For a moment, he could have sworn that the grass around him was soft under his feet, the air slightly warmer, with ale and sweet flowers carried in the scarce breeze. The fields around them stretched for miles, and had Loki not looked up, he would have said there would be a golden palace sitting on the horizon.

“It’ll be a bit of a walk,” Natasha said, jostling him forward. “Hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all.”

He heard them talking behind his back as they walked through the fields to the gleaming silver city. Sam was complaining, saying that last time they just landed in the capitol. Natasha wouldn’t admit out loud, but Loki knew she was making Loki walk for the hell of it, getting her kicks in when she could.

She was successful too. But not for the reason she was assuming. Walking was no hardship for him. He preferred walking to flying or running after Thor. He’d walked for years at one point, just wandering the realms for the fun of it. So he didn’t mind walking.

It was the familiarity. The way that it tricked Loki’s mind into thinking he would look up and see Fandral holding a flower out to him, telling him he was prettier when he smiled. Or look to the pool and see Fandral almost drowning in it as Loki asked if he still thought Loki was pretty when he couldn’t breathe. How a bird would remind him of Hogun and how he would sit and watch as Loki and Fandral got into some mischief or other, keeping as their lookout as they went to steal Thor’s clothes while he took a dip in a hot spring.

When they got closer to the city, to the people, he thought of Volstagg and his children. Of Sif who should be somewhere on Midgard, oblivious that Asgard was no more. He would have to find her before he left. He knew she hated him and him her, but even his hatred wasn’t powerful enough to deny an invitation to the new home they would make from her.

It felt like as soon as they stepped into the city the green lands behind them disappeared. There was noise, smells and just generally life around him that helped him forget he’d been walking in a half dream for a few hours.

The palace lay at the heart of the city instead of the edge like Odin had placed Asgards. These people didn’t put their safety above others it seemed. They made it a focal point, a place of refuge to run to instead of the last place to hit when an army attacked.

It reminded him a bit of the dwarves forges, all this silver and machinery. Their hovercrafts flew in groups, some landing at the pad Loki stopped at as their hosts welcomed them in.

T’challa, as he introduced himself to Loki before Natasha pulled him aside, certainly looked like someone Thor would get along with. He smiled easily, or perhaps that was just for his friends, and generally exuded an air of welcome that only came from men that were comfortable in their own skin. Confident in their abilities as leaders.

Whatever Natasha said earned Loki a wary look when T’challa turned back towards them once more. “You are welcome in Wakanda,” he said pointedly to Sam and Rogers. To Loki, and Fenrir since everyone was wary of the big wolf, he gave a curt nod Loki repeated back. “Prince Loki of Asgard.”

“Jotunheim,” Loki corrected. Asgard was no more, but Jotunheim still stood, and, after what he’d learnt, he was at least still a prince if not more in that realm. “And I hope that welcome extends to me.”

“You have not attacked my people,” yet, remained unsaid, but still there.

“No,” Loki agreed, and went on to give T’challa a bit of advice. “In the rest of the nine realms, and on Midgard at one time, it was polite to extend a guest welcome to any visitors. Think of it as a formal contract between two parties. The host extends his home and hearth while the traveller tells of his adventures. While the guest welcome is in place, neither party will raise a sword to another. Any disputes will be settled once the guests stay is over which is always up to the host to decide. Trust me when I say to break a guest welcome is one of the gravest sins any man or woman can make. Not even I have broken that oath.” Not even on Sakkar considering the Grand Master had never explicitly said Loki could stay. Merely, he let Loki linger around and pick at his food so long as Loki amused him. Their relationship was never even on the same level of respect a guest welcome initiated.

T’challa scrutinised him for a bit before a nod from Rogers had him saying, “Very well. I initiate this ‘guest welcome’.”

It was crude, and not at all how it usually went. Usually it could be unsaid between the two parties so long as they were on the same lines. But it would do. “I thank you, as does Fenrir.”

“Yes,” T’challa said slowly, eyes glancing back to the wolf every few seconds, “He doesn’t eat people does he?”

Fenrir gave a happy rumble. “He says he has, but he won’t so long as he can sate his appetite on something else.”

“Guest welcome?” T’challa confirmed.

“That and he’s already had indigestion from three… Asgardians already.” Loki hadn’t known about that. He wondered if he’d known them. “And rest assured I will refrain from eating your people too.”

T’challa laughed at that, “I’m sure you will.”


	7. Chapter 7

T’challa led them inside and out of the scorching sun when he’d calmed. He showed them to a large apartment with beds enough to fit them all, and let them relax after their flight, telling them once he found out if they had a plate big enough for Fenrir that supper would be served at eight. To his credit he offered Loki a seperate room, especially since Fenrir looked to be spending his time in the air conditioning rather than in the fields, but Loki declined. He liked knowing where his enemies were, and it was easier hearing them move around if they were only a wall away.

“He can help?” Loki asked when T’challa walked out of sight.

“Hopefully,” Rogers agreed, the five of them lingering in the living area of their large apartment. “If not then you really are screwed.”

“Yes,” Wakanda did look to be the most furthered city he’d visited on Midgard. At least on this planet.

“Well,” Sam announced, stretching wide, “I’m off for a shower. Wake me when your boyfriend inevitably shows up.”

Loki didn’t know who the man was talking to until he saw Rogers roll his eyes. “I didn’t think your people enjoyed that sort of pleasure anymore.” They certainly hadn’t when Loki had visited in his mid hundreds. Some new religion looked to be sucking all the fun out of every vice Loki liked.

It was nice to see the Captain could get riled, his face darkening until it was almost red as he explained, “He’s not, Buck’s just a friend.”

“I’m not judging,” Loki assured. “I enjoyed your orgies better when I didn’t have to change my form every time I wanted another partner.” While Asgard was known for its parties, he had to say they never truly got as wild and untamed as some Midgardian ones Loki had attended in his youth. Just thinking of them set his toes tingling.

“And how many of those partners did you eat when you were done with them?” Natasha asked, Loki figuring he should have known she would have caught his sincerity when no one else did.

“None,” Loki said quickly, then thought about it for a moment. “Well… a few. But, in my defence they were given as sacrifices in my name. Either I slit their throat while they were in the throes of ecstacy of some chieftain would in highly uncomfortable circumstances.”

Rogers barked out a laugh, one that fell silent as his eyes flickered between the two of them. “Wait you’re serious?”

“Yes?” Loki was going to have to read up on what they did and didn’t know about his kind. “Honestly I thought Thor would have told you at some point.”

“Thor eats people?” Rogers gasped.

Loki huffed a laugh, “You realise while we look alike we’re different species. I wouldn’t say you’re a delicacy among the nine realms but it’s no different eating you than it would be an elf.”

“Elves?” Rogers repeated.

“They’re Gods Steve,” Natasha sighed. “Our rules don’t apply to them.”

“But…”

He retreated to his own chambers, Fenrir following along. He was glad to see he had his own bathing area, it meant he wouldn’t have to kick that Sam fellow out of the other one. The water was nice too, cooling his heatened skin.

At seven, there was a knock on the door, Loki poking his head out to see the Captain be engulfed by a man with one arm. The infamous Bucky said his hello’s, Loki sneaking back into his room so as not to disturb them.

He was there at supper however, sitting on the Captain’s right hand while Natasha debated for a moment to take his left or chance Loki and Fenrir’s side of the table.

“That’s a big wolf,” Bucky said, his lack of fear telling more about his desensitisation than acceptance of the unusual.

“His name is Fenrir,” Loki introduced.

“And you’re Loki then,” Bucky assumed, “I did some reading on you when Shuri told me you were here. Is he really… _your kid?_ ”

Loki glanced at Fenrir who was puffing his chest out. Whatever denials Loki may have once had were gone now as he saw how proud Fenrir was with Bucky’s question. “Yes.”

Silverware clattered, Loki glancing at more than one person, their hosts included, trying to get their heads around it. All except Bucky, who actually seemed excited as he asked, “How did that happen?”

“Not too sure,” Loki decided on. “I can change my shape,” He flickered into snake and back for them to prove so, “But, I’m afraid I don’t remember much of my early years.” He’d told Fenrir this, tried to explain it. The wolf sort of understood, even as he did still have expectations of Loki.

“Just… old age then?”

“No,” Loki said, surprising himself when he admitted, “It turns out my early years were wiped from my memory.” He’d never wanted to speak of it before. But now he had, he found himself going on, “When I invaded New York, it was just shy a year earlier than I learned I was adopted. My father told me he stole me at birth to raise me alongside my brother Thor in the hopes we could establish peace between our realms. I believed him,” Loki laughed. “I really shouldn’t have but, I did. It made sense.”

“You weren’t then?” Bucky gathered.

“I’m not sure.” Everything was still so confusing. Was Loki raised with Thor and go to Jotunheim earlier because he discovered his heritage? Was that why his signature was there? Or was he raised on Jotunheim, introduced to his family when he was at the right aga and stolen later in life? He didn’t know. “Before I came here my home was destroyed. The plan was that I was to make it onto the ship before it departed. However, there were these twins, one of them was stuck…” He told them about rescuing the twins, taking them to Jotunheim and finding his handwriting. “I had finally come to terms with who I was before that. I’d actually forgiven my father for being next to useless. And now…”

“I know how that feels,” Bucky said, waving to his own head, “I’ve got these codes stuck up there. One wrong thing and I just-” He snapped his fingers. “I don’t remember much, just bits and pieces of before and inbetween. Sucks huh?”

“Definitely.”

A clap came from further down the table, a young lady with T’challa’s nose and none of his slack jaw announced, “You’re both being depressing and it’s putting me off my food.”

“Shur,” the lady next to her admonished.

But Bucky ran with it, Loki seeing a spark he’d often glimpsed in his own eyes as the man said, “Well if it’s putting you off your food, we’ll talk about something else.” Then turned to Loki, “So I heard you eat people.”

“Buck,” Rogers barked.

Drowned out by Sam’s, “Since when!”

“What?” Bucky shrugged, “Like you’re not curious.”

“Not out loud,” Steve said.

With a grin, “Well I am,” Bucky said and raised his eyebrows Loki’s way.

“Only when they’re gifts,” Loki confirmed.

“Yeah?” Bucky’s grin got bigger, “What’s it taste like?”

He thought back. It had truly been a while since he’d had a Midgardian. “Your kind is best when they’ve been doused in ale, drinking until they don’t know their lefts and rights. They’d often do it for the virgins, give them some courage for when the ‘trickster’ came to claim them.”

“So you raped them?” Bucky pressed.

“No.” He’d never raped anyone. “Rape is looked down upon in most realms. Every Midgardian that was given to me was willing. Sometimes even eager. It was a different time back then. Sometimes it was better for a quick death in hopes that a God may help their family or cause than to suffer.”

Bucky and Rogers shared a look Loki thought wouldn’t have been remiss on the twin’s faces. “Yeah,” Rogers said at last, “I get that.”

Bucky dived back into the conversation after a moment, this time with “What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done for someone?” and that was how the night went.

Loki didn’t think he’d ever say this about one of Thor’s friends but he actually liked Bucky. It was probably because Bucky technically wasn’t one of Thor’s friends, just a friend of Thor’s friends. He certainly seemed to enjoy Loki’s company too, but Loki put it down to the fact that Loki was a stranger, one who didn’t know nor care at all about whatever he’d done in this realm since he wasn’t present for it.

It garnered some attention as they were walking back, namely from Rogers who seemed to be in a constant glower, lingering behind as Bucky asked more and more questions about Loki’s former home. “Real gold?”

“I swear,” Loki promised, and waved his hands until an image of Asgard appeared between them. “The Allfather created it to prove he was the wealthiest and most powerful man in the nine. His forebearers may have ruled Asgard at one point, but only he has been capable of wielding the nine realms.”

“And it’s really all gone?”

“Not completely. I can show you one day if you wish? Hela is rebuilding. Like me, there were some crossed wires between us. I fear she knows more about my past than I do. Nevertheless, Asgard is still there, for now, and while our people will not want to go home to ruins, I for one quite like the idea of rebuilding.”

“Make something new,” Bucky agreed. “Something without history.”

“Or blood etched into its walls.”

Bucky had nowhere else he’d rather be as he took a seat and started in on his expectations of the future he was currently living in and how they were sorely not meeting up to them. “I thought there’d be more cool gizmos. Stark’s dad was working on a flying car before I was deployed yet, the only flying cars I find are on TV. They don’t even have them in Wakanda.” They had hovercrafts, Bucky explained, but it wasn’t the same as flying cars.

He talked about aliens, and how they too, even Loki, wasn’t what he expected. “That’s because you’ve only seen a select few. I’m sure somewhere in the nine there will be a species that will pique your interest. Your kind hasn’t even seen a dragon yet despite Thor bringing more than one of them to Midgard when we snuck over.”

Dragons turned to trolls, and trolls to this stupid thing Steve did when he was a kid, “only I was the one who had to fetch Mrs Rogers cause this guy was too busy bleeding out to walk.”

When fatigue finally caught up with Loki he could gladly say Bucky was one of the most pleasant Midgardians he’d met in this century. However, eventually the night had to come to a close, which it did with Fenrir whining loudly in Loki's ear that it was time for bed. He d been coddling the wolf lately, and as much as Loki would like to think Hela may have merely ignored Fenrir in their time together he knew different. Fenrir was a pack wolf now and that meant the pack slept together. He was content to drift off when the twins were with him, for some reason. But here, alone again with just Loki that was familiar he was refusing to bed down by himself.

A good thing really since he was sure Rogers was one more laugh from Bucky away from demanding holmgang. So he bid them goodnight and followed Fenrir to their comfortable bed and the obliviousness of sleep.

He made his case the next day, following Bucky who had taken it upon himself to be Loki's guide to the science department. It... was exactly what Loki would imagine a Midgardian lab to look like. Heavy machinery, holographic screens, even the dwarves didn’t use some of the tools that hung on this rooms walls and they were known to use next to everything.

Shuri , who he met last night at supper and got a glowing recommendation from Bucky on their way there, greeted them. “Just don’t put your feet on any of my equipment and we’ll get along great. Now what’s this about a space telephone?”

“Not exactly a telephone. You view each other over hologram. Something you should be capable of.” He’d seen their technology they were certainly advanced enough. 

Shuri laughed like the idea she couldn’t do so was hilarious. “So Loki,” she scooted over to where one of her holograms were already pushing out schematics. “Are there really dwarves out there that build weapons? Like dwarves as in species?”

“Not just weapons,” which was how Loki spent the next few hours enlightening the girl about Midgards placement in the nine. “I’m not meaning to insult you. But the fact is that you are still children compared to the rest of the nine. Even the beings on other planets in your realm are still catching up.”

“Says the man wearing drapes,” Bucky snorted.

“They’re very comfortable drapes,” there was No point in arguing the specifics of his dress, they were only going to make fun of it no matter what he said. “And practical. I can lounge, conceal weapons and functionally fight in my garb. Can the same be said for yours?”

Bucky's face twisted as he glanced down at his ‘jeans’. 

“You’ll find that every realm has been where you are now. The fact is however that we moved on from it. We adapted to our environment to our fullest potential.” It would have been even fuller had Odin not decided to keep some things for himself. Loki had worked out from a young age that the reason his magic was looked down on was because Odin purposefully made a point of speaking it’s inferiority at regular intervals. The masses always followed their leader and Odin took advantage of that. He made Asgard shy away from specific works just so no one would be able to surpass him in power. 

“So these dwarves...” Shuri herded back.

“They’re extremely volatile if you don’t keep them happy or pique their interest. No place for you.” He knew he could at least which was something he d been worried about not even a week ago.

“Because I'm a girl?” Shuri sneered.

“Because you would be trying to steal their work for your own,” Loki corrected. “Your gender means nothing to me. The most fearsome warriors I’ve known are women. But as an intellectual I understand that your curiosity will lead you to attempt to replicate what you see there on Midgard.” He shook his finger. “Big mistake. Their work is unique and they intend to keep it that way.”

Shuri relaxed from her affront. “I’d still like to see it.”

“Maybe Vanaheim?” Loki placated. “They’re less concerned with their science being replicated. They’re more interested in their magics.”

“I’d like to see that,” Bucky piped in.

He told himself he would bring them. Them and Rogers. When Loki dragged Thor to Vanaheim he would most likely only stay so long as Loki kept him happy and a happy Thor now enjoyed his Midgardians so Midgardians Loki would bring until Thor's interest waned once more.

By the time he finished in Shuri’s lab he’d promised them a trip to every realm he could think of save the dwarves. He also managed to see the finished schematics to a device that would, thankfully, be able to reach Thor’s ship when they came into orbit.

He felt lighter when he stepped out of that place. Calmer. Things were back on track, and so long as nothing drastic happened between now and when Thor appeared he would be drinking elven wine and settling a peace treaty with Vanaheim come fall.

With his spirits high, he sought out Fenrir, the two of them retreating to the falls they’d spied on their way here. For the rest of their sunlit hours they spent it cooling off beneath the water, Loki helping Fenrir chase some animals when swimming became a bore. Lying on the warm grass as dusk came, Loki could almost imagine he was back in Asgard.

“There were good times,” Loki told Fenrir. Well, told himself, Fenrir was just there, panting in the heat, he certainly wasn’t starting conversation. “I mean, of course there were good times,” he scoffed. “The best prison is the one you don’t know you’re in. Odin played his part well enough anyway.” He sighed, stretching his toes until they tickled the grass beneath them. “I can’t help but wonder if it was all a game though. If he cared, somewhat, about me. There were times he had to, right?”

Fenrir snuffled, not really caring about his adoptive grandfather. He made a few grumbles, Loki understanding that Fenrir hadn’t met the man overmuch when Fenrir had been in Asgard last. Mostly he’d stayed in the forest behind the palace, ate what the Einherjar gave him and waited for Loki to visit.

That, and, he made sure Loki knew, he saw Thor. He didn’t like Thor.

“Why?”

Fenrir whined, the noise painful to hear.

“I’m sorry,” Loki offered. “He’s hurt me too if it’s any consolation.”

A few more general movements came off Fenrir, speaking of Thor being the ultimate betrayer. Loki’s mate he called Thor, and something about that specific title had Loki dwelling.

He’d never told Fenrir he and Thor were lovers. They hadn’t been for years now, not since Thor’s failed coronation. Fenrir hadn’t been around then. He had been around for before then. Before Loki’s memory got tainted by whatever Odin had pushed inside.

Mates Fenrir had called them. Which meant, the Loki of before had found Thor.

Well, this at least explained Loki’s unnatural attraction to his so called brother. He’d always found it odd that he would even contemplate something like sleeping with Thor, the notion, usually, frowned upon if not preserving the royal bloodline. But, with this new context, it could almost be described as an imprint left over from his previous life.

He felt his lips upturn. Hah! Odin had done his best to destroy what had been of Loki, but still something seeped through. Granted, Loki would have liked something else, maybe the feeling that Odin wasn’t all he cracked up to be. But, he would take what he could get because this was a victory. Loki had won. It was a minor victory sure, yet a victory all the same.

“Was he a good mate?” Loki asked, completely forgetting Fenrir’s mood until the growl brought his attention to it.

He was okay, Loki gathered. Fenrir didn’t see Thor outright strike Loki, but, he said, often Loki preferred Fenrir to Thor.

Loki didn’t know whether that was simple jealousy talking of if their relationship had been that tumultuous. He doubted he would ever know too. Nothing beyond Fenrir’s many examples of times Loki had hidden with Fenrir to escape Thor.

Not good enough, Fenrir decided on.

“Well, he’s changed,” Loki said, planting a kiss on Fenrir’s snout, “You’ll come to see that.”

Fenrir gave a huff, his position clear that he wasn’t giving Thor any chances.

“You’re going to have to be civil to him at least,” Loki decided. It was easier than negotiating Fenrir’s peace then having the wolf turn around and bite Thor’s head off because Loki had his guard down. “Mate or not he’s the leader of our pack,” Loathe as Loki was to admit it, “Which means we have to tolerate him.”

Fenrir grumbled. He grumbled the whole way back to the palace, and all through supper. He didn’t want to tolerate Thor. He didn’t want to be in the same room as Thor, and again, when Loki asked all he got was diverted eyes and a mess of confusion.

It got to the point where, that night, instead of indulging Bucky in more tales of summers past, he sat himself in front of Fenrir and asked, “Can you show me?” he held his hand up, meaning clear, “If you can’t tell me, at least show me. Perhaps then I can understand.”

Fenrir shook his head, retreating to their room in a mood. Loki let him go, sliding onto the couch and accepting the weak Midgardian drink that had been left for him.

The others were all amusing themselves. Sam and Natasha exploring the technology of this place in front of the wide screen while the Captain tried to cajole Bucky into some conversation. Something he seemed to be unsuccessful at. It was dull to watch, and if Fenrir weren’t wanting some time alone Loki would have paid it no mind. But he respected Fenrir’s wishes, much more than he did these peoples, and since there was no literature about, he watched and waited for Bucky to be alone once more in hopes he would still like to hear some stories of times before he was even a thought in his parents minds.

However, Fenrir was out before that. Slotting his chin on Loki’s knee he gave a whine that was as close to a whine as Loki was going to get out loud. “It won’t hurt,” Loki promised, extending his fingers to a point on Fenrir’s head.

The inside of an animals head was different to that of a humanoid species. There were differences in everyone’s minds, of course, but an animals was simpler. They saw things as they happened and very little did they have think things around what was going on at the time. There were flashes here and there, pangs of hunger, or fatigue, but no commentary on whether Lady Sif had worn that chainmail to the last feast she’d been to as well.

Loki had expected Fenrir’s to be along those lines too, yet he was vastly mistaken. Loki knew Fenrir was intelligent, but until he pierced the beginnings of his memory he didn’t know that Fenrir’s intelligence went beyond what Loki first imagined it would be.

He felt sick at that first glance, and it only got worse as Fenrir showed Loki what he’d been reluctant to before.

He’d been telling the truth about his confusion. In the scene he showed Loki, he was sitting patiently, for Loki to return. He’d went to speak with Hela, Fenrir knew, and the next there was pain in his skull and Thor who had slowed them down the whole way there was rearing his hand up for another strike with mjolnir. It came before Fenrir could move, and then another and another as Fenrir struggled to think, to remember he had to move, to fight, to do something other than lie there and-

“I’m sorry.” He felt his throat seizing, bile swallowing itself back down as he scrambled to the floor, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.” His arms didn’t even fit around Fenrir’s neck. He had to settle them as wide as he could get them, his throat only capable of saying, “I’m so sorry,” as he worked on not weeping himself stupid. He wouldn’t do that to Fenrir. He’d already failed so far as a father. He wouldn’t do it again. He wouldn’t let Fenrir suffer.

Whatever game fate had thought up for him really hadn’t held back. It wasn’t fair. Not to him, and certainly not to Fenrir.

How dare the fates create Fenrir. How dare they tether him to the body of an animal. One that couldn’t express himself the way he wanted. That was limited in grunts and whines. That was feared everywhere he went because of his unnatural size and precursors of his breed.

That wasn’t an animals mind Loki had went into. It was a boys. A child that was happy to be back with his father. One that thought the same as any child Loki would encounter. That was curious about the world, and confused as to why he couldn’t learn the same as those around him.

He’d told Loki he could read, and of course he could read. Why would he be unable to read? He had eyes, he had a mind, he could look and understand the only thing he couldn’t do was express what it was he was learning. He couldn’t ask aloud for what he wanted. He had to rely on what Loki could make out in their instinctual understanding of one another.

They had trapped a child in the body of a beast and Loki hated himself for even being a part of this creation.

It was no wonder Fenrir would do his part. If fate had panned out exactly how it was written then why wouldn’t Fenrir eat the sun? What love had he of it? Of any of the realms that had chained him in fur and then in chains themselves. He hadn’t asked for any of this, and nor could he defend himself from it.

Fenrir didn’t like Loki’s pity. After stomping his feet for a while he pulled away and went back in a strop back to their room. It was just as well because Loki didn’t think he could hold in his bile much longer. He thought it would pass. But every time it did Thor’s face reared its head, or he wondered what Fenrir was truly thinking, feeling and it came back, sitting at the back of his throat just waiting for something to tip it over the edge.


	8. Chapter 8

He knew he’d made a scene in front of the mortals. His hiding in Sam’s bathing room didn’t help things, and by the time it had gotten late enough for them to be thinking he was plotting some kind of mischief they’d banded together to have the Widow break in and drag him out.

“Just go to sleep,” She huffed, shoving him none too kindly to his door. “One loud noise and I’m sticking a dagger in you.”

“Not if I get you first,” Loki had the presence of mind to mutter before crawling into bed and doing his best to cuddle Fenrir.

He was more attentive in the morning. With their limited ways of communication Loki could only guess so much, but he saw a change in Fenrir’s mood regardless and thought he must be doing something right. That, or it was just the attention. Being seperated from a parent after getting ones head caved in would make anyone clingy.

He didn’t leave Fenrir to his own devices. Instead he brought the boy with him as he checked on Shuri’s progress and invited him to have a gander at what so and so device did.

Shuri wasn’t too pleased having an animal in her lab. But once Loki promised Fenrir would behave himself, and had proof of this behaviour when Fenrir did nothing more than sit and watch, she left them to it.

Education, or at least learning about something himself, had always been one of Loki’s strong suits. He’d liked nothing better than disappearing into the library for hours on end, or begging his mother to bring him to Vanaheim with her when she went so look through the books there. Therefore, teaching he may not be the best at, but pointing Fenrir in the right direction of things or people that could he was capable of.

Fenrir wasn’t stupid, he picked things up as fast as he could, something a boy with the drive to learn but not the means had to teach himself when opportunities like this came about. It made Loki wonder what he’d been doing with the boy when he’d known about him. Whether he’d left Fenrir to his own wolfly desires, or tried to bring him up like Loki would an Aesir looking child. He wondered if his past self even had paternal emotions. He wondered a lot about his past self.

“When we get to Vanaheim,” Loki promised him, “They have a library full of magic. I’ll find a spell in there for you. So you can change your shape. If that’s what you wish.”

Fenrir didn’t know, and Loki didn’t expect him to. It was a decision he’d probably never considered before. Since this shape was what he knew too, was familiar with, it would take a while for Fenrir to make up his mind.

Loki would wait, and if Fenrir decided he wished to stay a wolf, he would accept that too. It would just mean he had to find some other way of communicating properly with the boy.

The mortals caught up with them when they ventured from the palace again. Fenrir wished to stretch his legs, and Loki had to agree seeing the wilds of Wakanda again would be pleasant. Someone, he had a feeling, had tipped the mortals off as soon as Loki and Fenrir left, since they hadn’t even reached the grass before a shield flew over their heads.

The captain jogged to their side, glancing at Fenrir. “I thought he would have fetched it,” he offered.

“He’s not a dog,” Loki sneered.

They strode purposely past it, Fenrir bounding ahead as soon as he saw the expanse of land open up for him. The captain joined Loki’s side again after a moment, his newfound shield not bearing his usual star in hand.

“Was there something you wanted?” Loki asked when the Captain certainly didn’t.

Rogers shrugged, swinging his shield slightly, “Just fancied a walk, same as you.”

Babysitting then. Typical. They probably should have sent the Widow however. She, at least, was adequate company, and wouldn’t strike up needless conversation.

Such as, “So you and Buck seem to like each other.”

If he wouldn’t get punched for rolling his eyes they would be skyward and back three times over by now. “I’m not getting involved.”

“I never asked you to,” Rogers huffed. Still he strode next to Loki anyway, and after a moment in which he thought Loki might be more amenable, he said, “Has he said anything to you about being here? How they’re treating him?”

“What part of not getting involved is not getting translated?” He said it in english, a language he took pains to learn these past few years, just in case he started sounding like the buffoon Thor sometimes did when the Allspeak failed.

“This isn’t getting involved,” Rogers insisted. “I just wanna know if he’s said anything.”

“Then ask him.” It wasn’t hard, all he had to do was open his mouth like he was now.

“I have.”

“Then why are you asking me?”

“Because he talks to you!” Rogers snapped. His shoulders slumped as soon as he did, so Loki knew he wasn’t going to get hit. “He doesn’t talk to me. I thought it was the…” he side eyed Loki before muttering, “brainwashing. But, apparently not. He just, doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“Are we actually having this conversation?”

“I mean, I get it, we have history,” Rogers continued, like Loki wasn’t even there. He was starting to think maybe Rogers hadn’t sought him out to watch but to vent. Who better to talk to than someone who doesn’t care? It was why many idiots monologued, and eventually got themselves bashed into the floor. Loki included. Although, he’d been counting on that at the time. “Some things he’s not gonna want me to know. But we don’t have to talk about that. Hell, even if he told me what he had for breakfast I think I’d be thankful. I’m not asking for much.”

He regretted the moment the snort ever left his mouth.

As soon as it did he had Captain Rogers rounding on him, walking backwards with that righteous look on his face, like Loki was just a pest he hadn’t expected to talk back to him. “What?”

This time he did roll his eyes, “You.” he pushed past Roger’s bulk easily, reminding him of the two of them who would be toppling who if it came down to it.

“What about me?”

He groaned, “Nothing. Now leave me.”

The captain didn’t. All afternoon Loki heard about his gripe with Bucky, and for a man who was adamant that there wasn’t a spark between himself and another man he was definitely not doing his best to dissuade Loki of this notion. He told the Widow so as soon as he returned. She was involved in this mess, and it should be her that had to suffer this lovers tiff. He knew he wasn’t their best friend that instant, and nor did he wish to be, so best to leave it to someone who was.

“What does he expect me to do?” Loki found himself demanding later. “Tell him it’s all going to be fine? Why am I even entertaining this question?”

Bucky shrugged from his perch on the bed. He’d hidden in here after the movie the others were watching started with their needless explosions. “Dunno why he’s even involving you.”

“I know,” Loki griped. “I’m not here to solve your problems, you’re here to solve mine.”

Bucky made a face, but didn’t outwardly disagree with that statement. “Is Fenrir okay then?” He said instead, the man smart enough to know when to change the subject. Loki could be ranting all night if given the chance.

“Fine. Why wouldn’t he be?”

Bucky peered around Loki’s pacing body to where the door was just slightly ajar. The wolf could be spied amongst the others, Loki not thinking the movie completely age appropriate. But since Fenrir spent almost a month ago tearing Asgardians apart, Loki hadn’t put up a fuss when the wolf had sat down next to the mortals.

Bucky reclined once more when he was sure the others weren’t listening. “You seemed a little upset last night. Steve said you did some magic thing, but even he didn’t know why you were crying. Nat thought you were up to something.”

“She always thinks I’m up to something,” Loki muttered. “Rightly so too. Shows at least one of you has a brain.”

Bucky snorted, laying back further on the bed, “You’re not here to hurt us.”

“And you’re so sure?”

Bucky nodded, “I’ve learned to read people in my many years alive. I know you’re not here to hurt us. Well, not if you’re not provoked. I told Steve that too,” he said like that made any difference at all.

“My thanks,” Loki said all the same. “And I’m fine. Just learned some things I’d rather have not.”

Bucky was smart enough not to ask, and instead filled the air with idle chatter about a bird he saw the other day. One he was sure bore a resemblance to Sam in the other room. Loki didn’t get the joke, he hadn’t known humans could shape change, and listened to Bucky explain that it was more for Sam’s monicker than his form. The man wasn’t here for laughs, the least Loki could do was make sure whatever upset him in the other room didn’t do so here.

Just because he didn’t care about these mortals didn’t mean he was unbothered. He knew well enough how hard it was to sleep some nights. Or to even stay still when the sound of knives grating against metal sent his skin recoiling.

He paced until his feet started to hurt, and only then, when it looked like Bucky truly wasn’t moving, did Loki delicately sit on his sheets.

“What are you going to do now then?” Bucky asked.

“Now?” As soon as Bucky left he was going to sleep.

Bucky himself was shifting up towards Loki’s headboard. “Well, Shuri’s going to build your device. One of us can give Thor whatever message you like too. Way I see it there’s nothing keeping you here, so what now?”

Huh.

He’d actually not thought of it in terms of that. Bucky, might have a point. “He might not believe you,” Loki tried, but even he knew Thor would. Thor always believed his friends, and so long as Loki gave the Midgardians more than one reason not to let Thor and the Asgardians land here, then he would be off to Vanaheim within the hour.

“You could always sight see,” Bucky suggested.

Loki scoffed, “Midgard is not the wonder you think it is. Well, not anymore.”

“There are other planets,” Bucky laughed. “I didn’t mean here. Thor’s going to take a while to get to Vanaheim right? So what are you going to do until then? Go negotiate? Go drinking? Dancing? Whatever it is your kind does for fun?”

“I…” there was one thing he wanted to do. “Don’t know,” he decided on. If he did, do that, there was no telling whether he would see Thor again. Not as the same man anyway, and that was sort of the point of it all. Loki, kind of liked who he was now. He didn’t hate himself certainly. Not like he did.

“What about the snake? What’s gonna happen with him? I mean, is it really under the surface of the earth? Like, really?”

“Jormungandr,” Loki said, the name feeling odd on his tongue. He wondered how his other self came up with these names. Whether he had at all. Fenrir he knew, but, Fenrir hadn’t mentioned his brother. Not even when Loki told him they were going to stop Thor from being destroyed by him, something the boy should have been all for after what Loki had seen. “I suspect so. I... may have an idea where he is.”

“And you can’t move him?” Bucky asked. “Is it like that story of when Thor wrestled that giant? Will the earth destroy itself?”

My Bucky truly had done his reading. “I’m not sure. This is all so new to me. Trust me, when I say, before all this, my life was nothing but minor chaos and occasionally usurping people.”

“Why does he want to kill Thor?” Bucky went on.

Loki shrugged. “Fenrir I understand. But Jormungandr, I’m not sure he’s ever even met Thor. Unless he’s more beast than giant, and even then I could probably reason with him, I don’t know why he would want to harm Thor.”

“So, couldn’t you just ask him nicely not to and Thor could come here anyway?” A rather appropriate question, and one Loki had entertained before surprisingly enough.

“Here’s the thing,” Loki started pacing again, he couldn’t help it, this was just how his brain liked to work sometimes when it got a bit annoyed. “Ragnarok is a sequence of events. No matter how much we might push it away, it will inevitably come to fruition. My herding Thor away is merely prolonging what will happen. Now, you may be right that we can persuade Jormungandr to not attack Thor when he lands. But for how long?” He ended up going to Shuri’s lab and ‘borrowing’ a whiteboard to help explain things.

It might be true that Loki could go down there and talk to Jormungandr, but, eventually, something would happen and Thor would die. It had been written and therefore would come about, history had proven so. Was it not Loki that destroyed Asgard like in the _Edda?_ Was it not Sutur that had destroyed Frey? That Fenrir and Jormungandr were born? That Hela had rained fire upon Asgard, even if that, as well, had been of Loki’s doing?

This had happened, it had been written and it had happened. Now, other things in that book may not have come to be, but who was Loki to pick and choose what future would come about.

“Something will set whatever will happen in motion,” Loki rounded off with. “Odin made sure I would bring about Ragnarok by wiping my memories, removing what prior knowledge I’d had of his plan. Somehow, despite our best efforts, Thor may end up in Jormungandr’s grasp.”

“So what use is it to send him away when it’s just gonna happen?” Bucky asked.

“The use is that we can delay it further if Thor is not on Midgard. Even if it’s the months travelling to Vanaheim before he slips through a veil and destroys Midgard, it’ll be a few more months won’t it.”

Bucky made a face, but even he eventually nodded. “End of the world,” he said to himself.

“It’s a depressing thought I know.”

“Don’t suppose I can hitch a ride to Vanaheim?”

Loki made a face, “I’ll consider it. You’re not my least favourite terran.”

Bucky clutched his heart, making kissy faces Loki’s way. Ones that didn’t win him any points for Loki’s affection. Moron.

He stretched his legs out, yanking Loki when he got close enough to stop his pacing and prove at least Bucky wasn’t adverse to sharing close quarters. A strange notion considering what Loki had learned of Bucky’s past, but, again, Loki was a stranger, and truly if Bucky thought him harmless, what use was it to keep him at arms length.

“Guess we’ll have to start making spaceships,” Bucky grinned. “Thought they would have them already by now. Proper ones too, like the kind your brother’s probably in. It’ll be nice to see.”

“And where are you going to go in them?” Loki wondered.

Bucky shrugged, “Mars maybe. There was this book when I was growing up about martians. I read a few articles while Shuri was scanning my brain the other day saying they think we can set up a colony.”

“Why Mars?” There were other, much better planets out there.

Bucky just shrugged again. “Gotta go somewhere when the earth dies.”

When the earth… “Bucky, when I say Midgard, do you think I just mean your world?”

His nose scrunched up, “We’re Midgard right?”

“Yes,” Loki said slowly, “But so is every other planet in your realm. Including Mars.”

In seconds Loki watched the colour drain from Bucky’s face. “Wait,” he shot up, “How- if Thor gets here- how long do we have?”

“I’m… not sure,” Loki said again. “Was that your backup plan?” He asked, even when he knew it was. It was probably the whole of earth's backup plan. If their world kicked it, they would go to another one. A one their ships could get to, and considering their rudimentary science, that wasn’t far.

Bucky’s eyes kept getting wider until he was taking deep breaths, “I gotta-”

“Yes,” Loki agreed when he didn’t continue. “I’d think you’d best.”

He wasn’t surprised to wake to people scurrying through the hallways. Shuri had anyone and everyone on her project, telling them they needed to get this done and fast. Loki got his orders right after breakfast, a meek boy waiting to hand him a note tell him to meet Shuri in her lab.

His roommates were present and all looking a different shade of betrayed as Shuri asked him to explain the nine realms to them all. It was apparent that it wasn’t merely Bucky that had thought the earth was merely what Loki called Midgard. They had all been thinking backup plans to nearby planets should Loki’s plans go through or prove to be nothing but a trick. What a shock it must have been to them to realise that Loki was right when he said this was a serious matter.

“Asgard was destroyed,” he reminded them. “As in, the entire realm. The realm eternal is the only planet still standing. Although,” he thought, “Perhaps at a moment in time in which I was absent that was not so.” he wasn’t too sure, not being there and all. Regardless, “Hela is there now. Asgard is always the first to be reborn. It never truly dies, merely washes over what was once there and builds upon its ashes.”

“But the rest of it?” the Widow asked, “It’s all gone?”

Loki nodded. He pointed to the digital map someone had constructed rather crudely of Asgard and its surrounding planets. They must have gotten some information from Thor, for while it was at some parts inaccurate, the number of planets were right, and Asgard’s placement amongst them right too. “Right here,” he pointed to, “Was a planet of wild things. Animals that Odin had driven from our lands early in his reign and exiled them to live alone and isolated from the other planets.” The bilgesnipe were the only creatures to sneak off this planet. The rest Loki didn’t even know their names. Odin had made sure to wipe them from their history books. Even the banned ones. “It’s gone now. They all are.”

“And the others?” the Widow pressed a few buttons and an actual tree popped up in front of him. “These realms, are they still there?”

“Vanaheim will be last,” He answered, since that was what they were truly asking. “The Vanir are our oldest allies and our oldest enemies. Ordinarily, I would say Jotunheim would be last. But Jotunheim has been dying since my father stole their casket. With it destroyed, I suspect Jotunheim will be the next one to fall to Ragnarok.” How it wasn’t the first he still wasn’t too sure. The whole realm was barren. Living off scraps. Even Utgard, ransacked as it was as the giants left, Loki didn’t think it would look any better with the giants living there. Odin had taken so much from them. Too much. “Jotunheim will be first to be reborn however. So as soon as Vanaheim begins to fall I will be hiding in Asgard before making my way back there.”

“Just slipping your way through the universe,” Rogers muttered.

“I’ve done my part,” Loki snapped. “I’ve done what was written. Since there’s nothing else with my name to it, I think I have a right to sneak away while the rest of you die.” At least until Heimdall found him.

“Steve,” Bucky warned, which seemed to actually stop the man in his tracks. Perhaps Loki had made a more valuable ally than he first imagined. “Look, all we gotta do is delay Thor, right?”

“Right,” Loki agreed. “Ragnarok will happen. But it doesn’t have to in your lifetime. It may be another millenia before Midgard collapses. So long as we keep Thor away, you will have time to journey to another realm. But,” he warned, as he had to. “Things do end. Everything ends. Ragnarok makes sure of it. Just like it rebirths it afterwards. You can’t stop fate forever.”

“But you’re gonna try,” Rogers said.

Loki shrugged, plastering on his best smile, “It’s all I can do. And all you’re going to do. Whether we both survive is something we’re going to have to see.”

It was all hands after that. They had to make everything airtight. That meant T’challa being booted to the U.N. to argue against the idea of Asgardians seeking refuge on Earth. Loki knew the man would have his work cut out for him. As well as being a hero to the people, the Asgardians had knowledge that humans could only dream of. It was an argument Loki was going to be using on the Vanir as soon as he could. So dissuading these mortals of this spoil was going to be hard.

The rest of them were left debating whether they should try calling Stark again, or some other scientists for opinions on space travel. Loki, instead of taking another walk, was dragged into Shuri’s manic world of science. Despite needing to kick Thor out of Midgard, she wasn’t happy with leaving the Asgardians with nothing, and neither was Loki. They needed a way to get supplies up to them, and perhaps the Hulk down, which meant at least a small rocket, and Thor closer to earths atmosphere than anyone would have liked.

“He’s safe in space though right?” Shuri asked for the eighteenth time.

“Yes. Jormungandr is underground. So long as Thor doesn’t step foot on any of your planets we should be safe.” It was easier to say underground than trapped in a veil that was almost always found in some kind of earthly space. Very rarely did they pop someone out amongst the stars.


	9. Chapter 9

He was held hostage for days in Shuri’s lab. Hostage because he had complete faith that these Midgardians would be capable of warding Thor off now they had just cause to do so. Also because he’d been thinking more on what Bucky had asked of him. What he was going to do. He had options. Things he needed to put in place. People he needed to see. The problem would be slipping away without the Midgardians thinking he’d betrayed them and decide not to help him.

Also to get the twins back from Stark, and just thinking of the twins reminded him of other things he needed to do. Like find them a home, and a job. Maybe a pet, something to distract them from Loki as he wandered off.

He started to get restless after another few days. By the weeks end he was climbing the walls and beginning to regret the guest welcome he’d put himself under.

He should have waited a while longer in Jotunheim before coming here. Perhaps he should have actually explored Jotunheim instead of trusting his gut and the veils that seemed ingrained in the fabric of the universe. Perhaps he should have had more faith in the humans, that was what it came down to. He should have known, had he phrased it right, and met little to no complications that he would be standing in front of an already half built radio dish with nothing to do.

Humbling, he believed his mother had called this feeling. Loki was humbled right now with how easy it was to get things done sometimes if he had faith in those around him. Had she been with him now she would be laughing in his face that he’d rushed all the way to Midgard inly to find himself bored.

He missed her dearly.

“I suppose we should go to Vanaheim,” Loki said one morning.

Fenrir’s tail gave a swish and nothing more. He wasn’t too bothered what happened or where they went. He hadn’t made up his mind yet about Loki’s proposition, that was for sure, and since Wakanda had wonders alike to keep him busy, Fenrir wasn’t in a hurry to leave.

“It’s just that we’re useless here,” Loki mumbled. “Less than useless. The Midgardians don’t want us here, well, me here.” They hadn’t been too bothered about Fenrir yet. Not until it came to feeding him, and even then their complaints were kept silent in favour of admonishing Loki for his large appetite. “We have nothing to do. We may as well move on. Find our new home.” Or maybe our old one, the traitorous part of Loki whispered. The one that kept him up at night, feeding him dreams of what might have been, what he didn’t know could have been.

Were they memories? Dreams? Simple idle wishes? He wasn’t sure, and the more he dwelled on it the more he wanted to know. The more he needed to know.

As much as Loki would have liked Fenrir to have the answers, he didn’t. It had been a trial, urging himself into asking, once more, whether Loki could peek inside Fenrir’s memories. He’d spun it as best he could, and felt awful for doing so. He shouldn’t have had to carefully phrase invading someone’s mind. He’d never done so before. But, as much as Loki didn’t know Fenrir, he did at the same time. He felt in his gut that he didn’t wish harm upon him, and apparently his brain got that message too since it advised him to pose his question as a way to, not get to know Fenrir better, but to measure himself up to the man Fenrir had last saw him as.

Fenrir himself thought this was a brilliant idea. This way, according to Fenrir, Loki could learn how Fenrir really liked his belly scratched. A sad thought for one so intelligent as Fenrir, but, it made him happy, and Loki couldn’t deny, he rather liked his belly scratched too. He’d tricked Thor’s mortal companions into doing it more than once since reuniting with them. Bucky, he’d learned, was the best. He often got lost in his own thoughts, and instead of stopping like his companions, his hand methodically kept on moving.

“Maybe we should take him with us,” Loki mused out loud. He could do with a belly scratcher. Bucky wanted to see the nine too. It could work out.

Well, before the Captain found out and inevitably called Thor to beam him up and track the two of them down. Who knows how that call would go to. He’d probably call Thor to earth, which meant Jormungandr would get Thor. So, perhaps taking Bucky wasn’t the best option.

The rest of it however, that wasn’t completely out of the question now they had time. It would still be another month or so before Thor reached earth, and then at least three before he got to Vanaheim from here. Plenty of time to go searching for whoever was still alive on Jotunheim.

Fenrir had painted an interesting picture anyway. He hadn’t seen much, of that he was telling the truth, but of what he had, the man that wore Loki’s face wasn’t unfamiliar.

This past him, he wore his hair short, like Loki used to. A remnant, Loki thought, that had seeped through the memory wipe. He’d never liked his hair long, and had put it down to his hair being a curly mess if he left it untamed. But, maybe it was because of the other him, the one that had kept his hair short so it wouldn’t catch in his helm. He’d mentioned it to Fenrir one time, when other Loki had been putting plaits in Fenrir’s fur, lamenting the fact he could only do short ones in his own hair too.

He was also feral in a way that Loki had never thought he could possibly get. There was a desperation behind his eyes, one that spoke of hard times. He had the look of someone who would do anything so long as he was still breathing by the end of it.

While Loki could be argued to be the same in that remark, he hadn’t been born that way. He hadn’t fought his way through life like this man had. Until a few years ago the most danger Loki would face was if Thor decided he wanted company on one of his adventures. Even then, Loki was so sure of himself and Thor’s abilities that he hadn’t once feared they wouldn’t come out of this for the better. That Loki didn’t look like he’d had a Thor to rely upon. Just himself.

It was probably why he was so cold to Fenrir. There was affection there, yes, but not how Loki thought there would be. From what Loki read about Fenrir’s creation, the boy had been brought into the world willingly. Yet, every time in their early acquaintance, all Loki could see on his own face was fear.

The fear of knowing too, not just of what he’d created. He looked at Fenrir with such fright that Loki knew his past self had known about Ragnarok, about Fenrir’s role within it. It made him question, if this Loki knew about Fenrir before he was born, if he’d known what birthing the boy would set in motion, why did he lie with Angrboda?

Fenrir couldn’t answer that. He’d never met his mother, he’d told Loki, and his memories proved so.

He had met Thor however. More than at the time of his death.

In Fenrir’s memories Thor was Loki’s keeper. Or, that was how it appeared. Fenrir and Loki would be happily tromping around the woods and suddenly Thor would appear, carting Loki off back to the palace. That, or, Loki would turn in early, spouting something about sleep, but Fenrir knew, he told Loki, he knew that it was Thor taking Loki away from him. That demanded Loki spend no time with Fenrir.

Again, whether this was true, Loki didn’t know.

What he did know was that he wanted to find out more.

There were other things too. Answers to questions he’d never thought of asking before. It made him sure now, before the world truly ended, that he needed to get some semblance of peace. Some identity that he could firmly call his own. Whether that be who he was before, or who he is now would remain to be seen. But Loki had to go.

He thought of telling the others. Making his intentions clear. Yet truly he was sure in doing so he would be upsetting whatever peace he d created with these mortals. They hadn’t turned from him yet. But the idea that Loki was leaving them might. They may imagine that his absence is because he’s sure his trick had worked, whatever trick they thought that might be.

So he didn’t tell them. 

Instead he told T'challa. “I need to set foundations before my people come. You understand?”

He did understand, as any other ruler would, and nodded. “I’ll keep things running smoothly here.” Since he, at least, would give Loki the benefit of the doubt.

“My brother will put up a fight,” Loki warned again. “But he must see reason. Even if you imagine my tale false, isn’t it better to be safe?”

He clasped Loki s hand “I already promised you our help. We’ll see this through.”

He borrowed a Wakandan air ship, the pilot grinning at them from behind the controls. “Should have known.” Loki sighed and took his seat regardless.

“Steve will be here in a minute. He’s just wrapping things up with Sam and Natalia,” Bucky said.

“I’m not taking you to Vanaheim,” Loki warned.

Bucky just grinned again and turned his back.

Rogers took half an hour to show up. More than enough time for the silence to stretch into impatience. “What, were you getting your hair done while you were gone?” Bucky demanded when Rogers finally did show, bag in hand.

“Nat was harder to shake than I thought,” Rogers defended, buckling in next to Bucky. “Where to?” He asked Loki.

“England,” Loki said.

“Not New York?” Rogers checked.

“Magni and Modi could do with some more time among you mortals.” The idea that they were hostages was unspoken to everyone. So long as they were on earth, and Loki had already shown his hand he wanted them well, Loki would play ball.

The aircraft lifted off, Loki waving to Fenrir who was another hostage Loki was loathe to leave behind. He had to however. He’d proven he was able to care for himself but Loki just didn’t want him to. It was better for him to remain in Wakanda until Loki returned than journey with him to Jotunheim. Fenrir would benefit from it too. Shuri had promised to school Fenrir as best she could in Loki’s absence. Not to an Asgardian standard but it was better than nothing.

“Any reason why you two volunteered to chaperone?” He asked around hour two of their flight to England.

“I wanted to see these fancy realms you’re always comparing ours to,” Bucky said.

“I’m just keeping an eye on you.” Which was honest at least. “Besides" Rogers tacked on, “You said Bruce was with Thor. One of us is going to have to bring him home when he lands.”

Loki looked over the two men carefully, noting the firearms at Bucky's side. “You know I’m not going to Vanaheim, don’t you?”

“Not right now,” Rogers agreed. “But you will at some point.”

Which, Loki supposed was true. However, he’d hoped on going back to Midgard before that. Maybe stopping by Asgard too and seeing if there was any nook he could hide away in should he do something stupid and upset Thor. He also had to fetch Sif. He kept forgetting about Sif.

“Fine but remember I warned you should you happen to complain.”

It wasn’t the worst thing to be travelling with mortals. They could always come in handy. He knew a few places that would trade a hefty sum for some able bodied slaves if worse came to worst.

They stopped in England against a patch of remote land. It took Loki an hour to figure out where they were, and even longer to find where he had previously anchored the boat.

They weren’t impressed. All the while Loki set about putting his precious boat in the water he heard the other two muttering about ‘space and disappointing technology. It’s like they had forgotten this was all that was left after Ragnarok. Excuse Loki for not asking Hela to keep one of the more lavish boats intact just for him.

He set them at the oars in a little bit of vengeance, watching them use their enhanced shoulders to row them a good deal out from England and towards the south east where the veil lay. Only when they were too exhausted to even talk to each other did Loki flick his fingers and sent a gust to the sail that made rowing inconsequential.

“Couldn’t have done that to begin with huh?” Rogers panted, back against the carved snake that lay at the helm.

“You’re the one who started rowing. Don’t blame me for making you feel useful.”

Rogers slumped against the wood, Bucky not far behind him. They slept most of the night away. The morning too when all land around them had gone, Rogers especially looking a little green as they swayed into deeper waters.

“Not much of a sailor Captain?” He had a whole number of quips at the ready. Most of them due to the title Rogers wore and it’s usual connotation to the sea.

Yet he refrained when Rogers huddled a bit further into the middle of the boat. “Wasn’t really much of anything at one point.”

Whatever was eating at the Captain wasn’t affecting Bucky much. Without having to row Bucky spent his free time at the front letting the air sweep his hair back. “He would have made a great Einherjar,” Loki heard himself say around late evening. Bucky had still yet to move, their boat making further waves to their destination. He didn’t know why he was striking up conversation. Frankly, had they spent the next few weeks in silence Loki would have been more than pleased. But something about Bucky's stillness unnerved him. It truly did remind him of home, and that alone had him wondering what this man had went through. “He mentioned brainwashing,” he murmured lower to the Captain.

“Yeah,” Rogers said slowly, looking a little lost with the sudden amiable conversation. That or his sea sickness was just making him pull his face. Or whatever it was that had him too refraining from badgering Loki like he had done in Wakanda. “Bad guys they were.”

Loki hummed in consideration. “Depends which side you’re on I suppose.”

“They were bad guys,” Steve insisted, that familiar curl to his lip that Loki had seen more than once when he was working himself into a mood.

“Fine,” Loki conceded, not really itching for a fight right now. “But just know that if what was done to Bucky is what I think it is, those methods aren’t solely enforced on earth. In fact, I wonder where your people even got such ideas from in the first place.”

He wasn’t trying to be secretive, so Rogers caught the implication in Loki’s tone. It still took him a moment to pose “Asgard?” as if the notion was completely absurd to him.

Then again, why wouldn’t it be? “I suppose Thor painted our home realm as some sort of utopia. Where the people are happy and want for nothing.”

Rogers tilted his head slightly, “Kind of yeah. You’re saying it’s not?”

“I’m saying that it was. In parts.” He knew of nobles that had went their whole lives wanting for nothing. They wanted a new woman in their bed every night, they got it. They wanted money, they got that. A hall, children, recognition from the Allfather, it was theirs. The price for such things were barely anything either. Just their silence and their cooperation when the time came that Odin would need their support.

“I’m guessing it wasn’t to you.” Rogers said, nodding his head back the way they came, “I mean...” He implied.

“My life before I came here was idyllic. Would that I could return to such a time. I had strife. But it was nothing more than being one of Thor's companions on some quest or another. The injustice I had been subjected to my entire life wasn’t made known until not even a week before I left Asgard.” And still it was coming. More and more lies. He couldn’t see an end for him anymore, not like he once could. Instead, in front of him was a vast nothingness of chance and pure luck. “But that wasn’t what I was referring to. Our guards, the ones that were taught to stand and watch rather than go off and defend. They are- were- put through extra training to, help them we’ll say, fulfil their full potential.”

Rogers’ eyes narrowed, flickering all too quickly Bucky’s way before focusing once more on Loki, “What kind of training?”

“Extensive.” He’d been too curious as a young boy. What he could remember of being young anyway. He’d fancied himself a noble warrior when mother eventually pushed him away from her skirts. He’d told her, one day, he would be the best warrior the nine had ever seen, not knowing then that title would go to Thor.

“Even better than the guards?” She’d asked, in that way of hers that told him she was laughing at him on the inside, but kind enough to not do it outside. It wasn’t in malice after all, she just found certain things him or Thor told her hilarious.

“Of course.”

His mother had hummed at that response, letting them walk off their usual path among the flowers until they could peer behind a corner to where two guards were stationed. “You know Loki, your father doesn’t let just anyone become a guard. The focus it takes to stand and forever watch in the same position day after day, hour after hour, is something that would drive a normal man mad.”

“I could do it,” Loki said, naive that he was.

“You couldn’t,” Frigga had said, no doubt in her voice that she was right. She softened the blow by dragging him in to kiss his cheek. “Darling I wouldn’t want you to. Your father practically unmakes these men in order to guard us. It’s not a life for someone as restless as you.”

He’d still been curious despite her words. One afternoon while Thor had distracted their tutor by throwing a tantrum that drenched the paper they were using, Loki stole off to the training grounds. Then further in, to the building that housed the newest trainees hoping to make it at the palace.

The barracks were full of the potential guards, their training done at random parts of the day. Loki had never truly thought about when specifically, all he knew was that they would be here when he sought them out now.

He learned a lot that day. He learned that the dead eyed look in those men’s eyes, how they sat there and watched even at rest, wasn’t because they were being thorough in their job. They had no job. What Odin did to them, it was their lives. He broke them down into nothing. They were nothing. Not unless Odin wanted them to be.

They didn’t hear unless they needed to. They didn’t speak unless they were ordered to. Their actions were, robotic, the Midgardians would call it. They moved with the single minded purpose they had been gifted with. That had been tortured into them.

Their families were compensated for it greatly. With screams sounding in his ears still Loki had sought them out to ask how they could stand to have this done to their loved ones.

They didn’t care, it turned out. The money kept them happy, and ‘shouldn’t prince Loki be happy their boy was looking after him?’

Asgard had perfected the art of unmaking a man. Midgard, children that they were, it made Loki’s skin crawl to think of the rudimentary ways they would try and replicate what they had been taught.

Which they had been.

“Tell me,” Loki said when Rogers still looked expectantly at him, “Where did your scientists stumble upon the idea of an enhanced being?”

Rogers mouth floundered for a few moments as he thought. “I… don’t know. Erksine never said. And Red Skull definitely wasn’t saying anything in the middle of the War. Why?”

Loki’s mouth twisted, “Just trying to figure out when my father decided would be a good time to bestow this idea to your people.”

“You think Odin gave them the idea of the super soldier?” Even as he asked Rogers mouth was quirking into a smile.

Funny he thought that idea was, yet, “Enhanced strength, keener senses, a healthy body. Sounds a lot like an Asgardian to me.”

That smile dropped slightly, “And why would Odin give us this idea then? If he did?”

Loki shrugged, “Odin does a lot of things because he’s curious. With Ragnarok coming, he was most likely wondering how far your species could evolve before the end took us all.” That, or Odin was planning to relocate to Midgard. It would be just like him to escape Ragnarok, trading Asgardian secrets to longevity in exchange for refuge.

Quite frankly, what else Odin may have sold to the Midgardians was questionable, and he wasn’t the only one thinking so as Rogers turned his gaze back to his friend once more.

The boat rocked and on they went. Bucky turned from the mast when Loki called him for supper, life back, once more, in his eyes. Their meal was nothing more than what Loki had managed to stow away in Wakanda, and while Loki knew his own appetite was large, he hadn’t been expecting these mortals to be the same.

Then again, he thought, they were enhanced. Their bodies needed fuel to keep up with all of their extra capabilities, and if they truly were modelled on Asgardians, their appetites would reflect that too.

“So what are we expecting?” Bucky asked, the warmth he’d had, even on their plane to England, still absent. It was startling to say the least, mostly because Loki wasn’t used to there being another side to men with ice in their eyes like Bucky.

“In terms of what?”

“In terms of hostiles,” Bucky said, his words short, clipped, mind already ahead of his mouth. “You mentioned a sister. What kind of weapons does she favour?”

Ah, yes, he did mention Hela. “She won’t be a problem to us.”

“You sound certain about that,” Rogers said, “I thought you told us she was the goddess of death, the whole reason you had to destroy Asgard in the first place.”

He did say that too. “I er, may have made some mistakes about her.” A lot now that he’d had time to think about it more. “She won’t harm us when we pass through anyway. Her goal was Asgard and, well, she has it doesn’t she. What use would it be to kill us?”

His companions shared a look, not unlike the ones Magni and Modi gave each other. They obviously thought different to Loki, and usually Rogers would tell Loki so. Yet, here he was, holding his tongue. My how times really have changed.

Regardless of what Loki told Bucky about Hela he still insisted on a full brief about the goddess. What she looked like. What her powers were. Even the weapons she used, he seemed fixated on those.


	10. Chapter 10

Steve had Loki talking until it was well past nightfall, and by that time all of them should have been sleeping soundly if they didn’t want to waste half a day tomorrow. He refused to engage again when the stars came out. The other two may be able to sleep, but if they wished the sails to blow themselves they would damn well learn to leave Loki be for a few hours. So no matter how much Bucky hissed “You awake”’s at Loki’s back, he did his best to ignore and slip into sleep.

He must have succeeded since daylight was on his cheeks when he woke. That, and Bucky was no longer hissing at him, more at Rogers as the two did their best to tip toe around the front of the boat.

“-let your hackles down Steve, he’s not gonna jump us,” Bucky said.

“Says you,” Rogers snorted. “And my hackles are not up. Even if they were, they have a right to be. You didn’t see Buck, he almost levelled New York.”

“Because some other guy told him to,” Bucky pointed out. It took Loki a moment to realise the man was defending him. “I told you before, I think that part’s the truth. He gets this look…”

“He’s good at manipulating.”

“No,” Bucky said, “You said he was good at talking. He used that staff thing to manipulate. ‘Sides, some things you just can’t fake.”

“So you trust him?” Rogers demanded.

Bucky snorted this time, Loki hearing his boots scrape against one of the seats. “Course not. But I don’t trust anyone these days.” The scraping stopped. “It’s not about trust anyway. It’s about being useful. It’s not like these other realms are gonna know my trigger words, so I may as well do something other than sit there and be useless.”

“You’re not useless,” Rogers sighed. “Fighting’s not all that you’re good for.”

“Yeah it is,” Bucky said quietly. “It’s always been what I’ve been good for.”

There was a silence between them that stretched. Long enough for Loki to consider getting up from his uncomfortable drool puddle on the deck and get about setting course to Asgard once more. It wasn’t like he had to keep lying there. He didn’t care if two mortals thought him listening in to their conversation.

Then again, he was trying to make nice so they wouldn’t end up smashing a shield on his face while he slept so, Loki stayed put a few moments longer before making a show of stretching. When he peeked his eyes open, Rogers looked moments away from telling Bucky something. Whatever it was would be lost forever however as Loki flicked his fingers and started their sail again.

“We’re going to have to fish for breakfast,” He told them, and ended up doing the majority of the work again since neither of the others could turn into something capable of catching fish.

They reached Asgard after a few more tense days of living around each other. Bucky grew more silent by the minute, and by the time they were popping out of the veil into Asgard he’d taken to stroking the knives he kept hidden on his person, that same absent look on his face no mortal should have.

Even at its bare bones Asgard was beautiful. He heard the other two agree as their breaths halted in their throats. The colours were brighter, the air cleaner, even the water beneath their boat was blue in a way that no Midgardian sea could ever hope to be like.

The fish still lived, and since there wasn’t a notable decline since last Loki saw them it was safe to say Hela hadn’t culled them in a fit of absent rage. Most likely she had been fishing as Loki and his party had done before reaching the docks. A novel concept really as Loki tried to imagine just how Hela ate.

Did she use utensils or her bare hands? Did she even cook the meat or eat it raw?

He didn’t know if he ever wanted to find out.

The docks were clear. As far out as Loki could see there was no one. He didn’t know if that was a good thing or not.

He considered getting out. Perhaps swimming a few feet from the shoreline and walking their way around to the mountains like Loki had before. But, well, they needed the boat now it wasn’t just Loki travelling to Jotunheim, which meant walking on the shores of Asgard would have to wait a while longer.

With one last regretful glance at the wooden dock he turned the boat eastwards and started taking it across the silent sea.

He said silent, had he not companions Asgard would be void of all noise. Birds no longer sang, no doubt caught in Sutur’s fiery rage. The trees didn’t rustle, the wind seemed to have passed away. Even the waves they rocked across were silent, Loki’s boat cutting a clear path across a sea that had never been this gentle in his lifetime.

“-believe these colours?” Rogers marvelled. “I’m so glad that machine fixed my eyes Buck.”

“Fixed a lot more than your eyes pal. But yeah, it is something.”

He drowned most of their conversation out. He didn’t particularly want to hear their take on Asgard. Not when it was so decrepit. They hadn’t seen the wilds with their trees that stretched far above any on Midgard. They hadn’t known the palace that lived within it, that was born on the rocks and barren soil of Asgard because no early man wished to cut down that which made Asgard beautiful. They hadn’t seen the gold that glimmered a colour even Loki couldn’t describe when the moon hit off its topmost spire at midnight.

They hadn’t seen Asgard. Not Loki’s Asgard, and he didn’t have the strength to say so right now either. So he kept silent, still, and watched the water with its last signs of life as they journeyed towards the mountains.

Save the commentary from his companions, the journey was uneventful, if a little depressing. The first time around, Loki had been too consumed in his own mind to truly look at what Asgard had become. To actually feel and see that it was no more. Now he could, and he didn’t like what he saw.

Truly he was rather glad when they stepped into Jotunheim. What he would find here would be far from happy, but, in comparison to looking at a home he had lived in for more than a thousand years reduced to nothing but barren soil he took confusion and anger over that void any day.

Their things were still in the palace when Loki led his two mortal companions to Laufey’s rooms. The furs they couldn’t bring were right where the twins had left them. Even the fire pit Loki had managed to build was intact, which didn’t sit right in him the longer he looked at it.

“I’m beat,” Rogers sighed, tossing his boots off as he lay on one of the furs. From the look on his face, he quickly regretted losing that extra layer between his feet and the cold.

Thankfully his friend had some sense as Bucky kicked them back Rogers way. “Back on you moron,” he ordered, sitting as close as he could to Rogers, “I’m not nursing you back to health if you get sick. Got enough of that when we were younger.”

“You never said you minded,” Rogers said quietly, Loki sending his eyes skyward at their ridiculous conversation. Was Rogers even aware of the sultry tone in his voice or was he subconsciously putting it on? Loki didn’t know, nor did he wish to.

Especially since Bucky was just as hopeless sometimes as he matched the good Captain’s gravel. “Nah,” he said, “I didn’t. But you were much more malleable back then bud. Metal arm or not you weigh a tonne these days and I ain’t hauling your whining ass onto that massive bed if I don’t have to.”

Loki cleared his throat, watching the two of them inch that little bit further apart at the noise, “No one is taking that massive bed but me. Now if you’re quite done yammering on, I’m going to fetch food and see just why my skin is crawling.”

It was. That sense that something wasn’t right was rolling right through his system, making Loki’s hands inch towards each other as he tried to rub the feeling out of them.

He’d been gone for almost two weeks, longer if he was counting the travelling time. Their space should have been disturbed by the creatures that had taken up residence in the palace. It wasn’t merely something he was saying either. They should have disturbed Loki’s room. The twins had left meat behind, loathe as any of them were to do so. Yet there it sat, the first thing Loki had spied when he entered into this place. Untouched it was, with not even a chunk in the ice that coated it to suggest something had tried to gnaw its way to the centre.

He did a cursory sweep of the palace and found nothing out of the ordinary. He relayed as much to the other two when he got back.

“That’s good,” Rogers said, “Right?”

Loki deliberated for a moment before agreeing. It was good, in a way. Besides, it wouldn’t do to alert the mortals that something else might be afoot. How else would Loki get two tasty and loud sacrifices if something was hiding in wait to ambush him. Best to say nothing and let their screams wake and warn him if something like that happened through the night.

Speaking of, “We should get some sleep. Or, I should. You two do what you like so long as you’re quiet about it.” If they started humping in the middle of the floor he would be extremely displeased. Mostly because he wasn’t invited, but slightly because he truly was tired and he really didn’t like feeling like his skin was about to come off if something didn’t happen and fast.

He changed shape as he fit himself into the large pillow that served Laufey’s bed. A hare couldn’t do much in a fight, but its fur made the cold that little bit more tolerable. He knew what would render it comfortable, but Loki didn’t even allow himself to turn blue alone nevermind with those two in the room with him.

Shuffling until his nose was the only thing in the open, he closed his eyes and forced himself to sleep. It was only when he was near his dreams that he heard one or the other below remark much more seriously than they had before that Loki hadn’t come back with food.

“That’s really not good then,” the other replied.

He woke alive. Always a good thing.

Hungry too which definitely wasn’t.

The only food they had was what was frozen, and while they still had fish in their stomachs Loki wasn’t too fond of the idea of melting the ice just yet.

The mortals were sleeping because of course they were. It was freezing here, and enhanced or not the cold got to every creature eventually, lulling them into sleeping until they never woke again.

He checked their pulses as he passed, rooting around in their packs to tear a sheet from one of the Captain’s books and leave them a note. They shouldn’t get up to too much mischief without him and wasn’t that a thought, Loki being the responsible one for a change.

He didn’t think he liked it all that much.

The library was untouched, just like it was the night before. The books Loki had left out were still sitting in their pile, and it didn’t take long for him to dig up the council notes.

Laufey was dead. Helblindi, Byleistr, other Loki and, well, he supposed Farbauti now if that was who had been sitting on Laufey’s throne. But there had to be someone left of his family. He was sure he’d read there were children.

He wasted hours finding the brief mention of them, and when he did find it, he was saddened to note not one of them would have been old enough to recall what Loki was looking for. Hron, the elder of Helblindi’s children, would have been barely seventy, maybe younger when this all went down, and, well Loki’s memory might have been tampered with but even he knew that he wouldn’t remember that far into his past if it had been left alone. Not now anyway.

The younger of the two was, well, younger again, and if Hron didn’t remember anything then the other wouldn’t either.

Still, it was worth following up. They may not know, but they could be surrounded by people who did. People who were old enough to remember Loki’s time here, or hear the stories that had been told of Loki’s time here.

So he went searching through the stacks again, and eventually ventured out of the library to the living quarters. It turned out he needn’t have gone far as, when he trudged back unsuccessful after a day looking through abandoned rooms, he found the map he’d been looking for hidden in one of Laufey’s drawers.

It calmed his tempered mood anyway. Enough that he was content to ignore the mortals who, at this time, had woken and amused themselves with redecorating while Loki was gone.

“Food,” Rogers called, as if Loki didn’t hear him the first time. He kept his back to them still as he looked over a far larger Jotunheim than he had imagined. “Loki, food? Did you find any?” He kept his silence until he couldn’t no more, Rogers growing a spine as he tapped Loki on the shoulder, speaking louder than was needed to repeat, “Food Loki? We’re starving here.”

“Me as well,” Loki snapped. He waved his hand, the ice melting on the hidden meat block, “There’s some kind of rat meat there, have at it. But don’t come crying to me tomorrow if you’ve ran out.” He could last a few more days before hunger became a problem.

“That a rat?” he heard Bucky mutter.

He could feel Rogers lingering behind his back, looming over his shoulder as he, no doubt, deciphered what had Loki’s attention. “Where are we going then?” Came predictably after a moment.

“No idea,” Loki said. He didn’t know Jotunheim. He didn’t know his family. He had no idea where they might flee if something were to happen in Utgard. Sighing, he leant back in his seat, making a snap decision that would get them somewhere at least. “We’ll head east. There should be someone in one of these villages that could have some answers.”

“To…?”

“To where my nephews are.” he dared tha captain to ask anything more.

He didn’t, smartly retreating to where Bucky was poking the rat meat for the two to whisper in secret.

The map they folded as many times as they could, but, realistically, they wouldn’t be able to use it. Neither of them had the height to fold it out to its proper proportions, which meant referring to it on their journey would merely waste hours they could use to walk. So, as a compromise, they all took turns memorising as much of the map as they could.

“This probably won’t even be accurate,” Loki murmured. “Jotunheim changes like any land, and there’s always something new growing or being destroyed.”

But they still did it, and, after picking the kitchen clean of its wine and less perishable items, they set off across Jotunheim.

They didn’t even make it to the last house in the city before they needed to call it a night and bunker down. He saw on both his companions faces that this wouldn’t be a quest that would be so easily journeyed. They could be here for months, perhaps longer.

He gauged them from across the fire, “You can leave. That is a possibility. I can send an illusion with you to guide you back if you so wish. You don’t have to stay.”

They shared a look, one Loki didn’t think he would ever share with anyone again, not now they were in Jotunheim, then Rogers said, “We’re staying.”

“Yeah,” Bucky agreed to. “It’s not like we have much going on at home anyway.”

“You may not come back,” Loki needed to say. They had to know that travelling across a land of giants could take longer than years to get to, perhaps not their first destination, but definitely their fifth if things didn’t pan out in their first four. “Do you really want that, dying so far from home?” Loki didn’t, and, according to Jotunheim’s records this was his home. Yet even Loki didn’t like the idea of dying away from Asgard.

Rogers shrugged, “Home’s long gone for me Loki.”

“But you came to fetch Banner,” he remembered, “He won’t be in Jotunheim, and you may not be around when I do decide to venture to Vanaheim.” Thor would take the hint, if it took longer than was necessary on Jotunheim he trusted his brother to be able to negotiate their stay on Vanaheim alone.

He did.

Really.

Maybe.

Thor had never been the best negotiator. But he was half Vanir so, maybe, that would work in his favour. Perhaps not the rest of the Aesir, but definitely Thor, and, selfish as it may be, that was all Loki cared about.

“Loki,” Rogers sighed, “Look, I did come to keep an eye on you, but it’s not wholly because I don’t trust you. Whether I like it or not Thor likes you and… well, Buck too, and if keeping you alive so you can see just one of them again then I will.”

He didn’t know what to do with that. He could tell the Captain was sincere. He was sincere about most things he said, so Loki didn’t know why he was so surprised yet there he sat, stunned, wondering how someone like this existed. “You truly are a nice man Rogers.”

Rogers shrugged, “I have these powers. May as well use them y’know.”

He did know. “I used to use my magic to help Thor when we were younger. Him and his friends. One thing they’ll never tell you is that I used to be nice to them.”

Rogers smiled slightly, “Actually, that’s one thing Thor made a point of telling us. He loves you Loki. He hated that he had to fight you.”

Loki nodded, shutting his mouth before anything else was shared. He couldn’t be having heart to hearts. Not in Jotunheim. There were other things he needed to find out, and thinking of Thor, of him travelling to earth, to his death, would only make him turn back.

So he turned his back, burrowing into the snow beneath him and willing himself to sleep.

The way was hard, with all of them bickering about directions until a near brawl broke out. Despite Rogers making an effort to be nice that first night he just couldn’t understand how Loki knew the way the stars pointed.

“Because I’ve been here before,” he snapped.

“Once!” Rogers sniped right back.

“Twice,” Loki corrected. “And that’s not counting the time I’m missing. If you can’t accept that I just know, then how about primal instinct? Or, I don’t know, the fact that I’m over a millenia and happen to have come across a few books describing the stars in Jotunheim?”

“Just because you’ve read a few books-”

“Alright,” Bucky huffed, coming between then, “That’s it. Steve, take a breather, Loki, change into something and fly up so we can be sure your direction leads to one of our landmarks.” Bucky waved Loki off when they did nothing but stand there still and glare at each other.

Loathe as he was to follow orders, Bucky had a point, so Loki did as he was bid and flew up to try and see something in this vast expanse of whiteness.

Naturally, there was nothing. Ordinarily, from this high up, Loki should have been able to see something, even if that meant flying a bit further down their direction until something came clear. But here, in the land of giants, the snow stretched on and on with nothing in sight for a bird as small as Loki. Flying further down would do no good. He could be flying for days before he saw anything concrete, and by that time there would be no reason to double back for the other two.

As tempting as it was to leave them, Loki had come to realise he, maybe, didn’t want to travel on his own. Not in Jotunheim.

“We should keep moving,” Loki said. “I couldn’t see anything but that doesn’t mean there’s nothing there. If I’m wrong then, well, you can tell me so for as long as you like as we backtrack.”

Rogers wasn’t happy. Neither were any of them really, but since splitting up, again, even to them, wasn’t the smartest of ideas, they decided to keep on their present path. Something had to crop up sometime or another. Even if it were the sea, at least then they could follow it to one of the villages signposted on the map.


	11. Chapter 11

Food was becoming an issue the longer they walked. Loki could only do so much by flying above the clouds to get whatever unlucky bird he could set his eyes on. That wasn’t often.

The animals on the ground were nonexistent. It was strange. Especially since the snow started to shrink down the further they walked. He said shrink, he meant thinned. Loki could kick his foot into the snow and feet the give instead of the icy hardness that spoke of years upon years of snowfall. This snow was recent, not often falling. The only reason it was still there was because the air was icy enough to keep it frozen. Were it not, the ground would likely show dirt, as it did three weeks after they started on this little journey.

“Would you hold still,” Rogers sighed, his hand shaking despite his harsh words.

Bucky’s face twitched, something that would have been a scowl had his face not been programed to stay the same from years of torture. “Not my fault I don’t like knives near my face.”

“Nor that the wielder is so unsteady,” Loki chimed in.

The ground was warmer, the dirt still hard but actual dirt under their backs where they had decided to lay camp tonight. With the warmer air the other two had decided to shed the warm coats they’d been keeping close to their chests their whole time in Jotunheim. Loki had commandeered one to keep his back comfortable, and since he’d traded one of his knives for it, no fight had broke out as of yet.

The knife, of course, was the only one of their arsonal that was still sharp. The other two were wholly unprepared for the outdoors, that much was certain. They’d told Loki, after Bucky had found his knife rusted and snapped in half when he was gutting one such bird Loki had fetched for them, that he often got new ones every mission. During their ‘famous’ war too, the Captain hadn’t held a knife he couldn’t swap if his got too rusty after a few weeks.

Neither of them had known either that the extreme cold was bad for their weak Midgardian metal.

So Loki was rather glad their knives had broken when he saw the Captain approach Bucky with a proposition not long after their light supper. Why Bucky had said yes to a shave was beyond Loki’s understanding, he was obviously uncomfortable with the mere idea never mind the practice. The sharp knife added into the mix wouldn’t be helping matters either.

Hence Loki’s chime.

Rogers could scowl, unlike his friend, and did so now, his hand notably stilling as he said, “Don’t need your commentary Loki.” It started shaking again as soon as Rogers focused back on Bucky’s face.

Honestly. It was like watching teens attempt to court, and because of that comparison, and how bad this could go as a result of Rogers’ hidden, questionable lust, Loki dragged himself from his nest and shoved the dear Captain out the way. “I’ll do it. Unlike you, I’ve had thousands of years practice shaving my brother.”

Rogers mouth had barely opened before Bucky, eyes desperate, begged, “Just let him do it Steve.”

“Really?” Rogers asked, “You trust him with a knife but not me.”

Bucky gave a shaky smile, “He has references. And I’ve seen you shave yourself pal. Don’t forget you grew your first hair when you were twenty one. I’ll take a supposed thousand years over that anyday.” He took the knife from Rogers and handed it quickly over to Loki. “Make it neat will you.”

He elbowed Rogers out the way, taking Bucky’s face firmly in hand and turning it up. It would be difficult without something to smooth the glide, but Loki had worked with worse. Like mud. That was a dark day.

The first hack was easiest. For him, not for Bucky. For Bucky the pull must have been something painful. But the man grin and bared it. Then the next, and the next, until there was a patch of somewhat clear skin on Bucky’s face.

“You don’t shave,” Rogers remarked after a while. “I’ve just noticed that.”

“No,” Loki said, his hand automatically going to his smooth chin. “Never needed to. I thought when I was younger it was due to late adolescence.” Of course, those memories were probably fabricated. “Then I thought it may be due to my magic. Thor always teased that every time I cast a spell one of my potential hairs were sacrificed.” That garnered a chuckle from both men. “Now I think it’s because I’m Jotnar. I’ve only seen a few, but, as far as I’ve seen, they don’t have hair. Not even on their heads.”

Bucky was looking at him when Loki turned back to his job, those sometimes lifeless eyes gone for a different reason this time. Some faraway look that garnered a grin on Bucky’s face, “Oh my God we’re actually in space.”

“What?”

Rogers laughed like a madman behind him as Bucky’s grin grew dopier. “You’re actually an alien. It’s just hit me. You’re a completely different species to me. Oh my God Steve!”

Rogers laughed even harder.

“I don’t understand,” Loki said, “You know this already.”

“Aliens,” Bucky said to Rogers.

Rogers nodded back, “I know Buck. I was the same about two months after New York.”

Loki didn’t think he would ever understand the awe on Bucky’s face. Having grown up, apparently, with the knowledge that all nine realms existed, the idea of foreign beings didn’t shock him like it was these two.

Good spirits were good spirits however, so Loki let them laugh, knowing it wasn’t in jest of himself, and scraped at Bucky’s face until the man wasn’t looking too much like the warriors on Asgard.

In the coming days, Loki would remember that laughter. The jokes that followed too. How Bucky was alive again, out of his silent shell as he marvelled to Rogers time and again about ‘actual alien dirt Steve’. He’d recall the peace that came with that joviality. The hunger, sure, but the lack of a timer ticking at the back of his mind.

The one that started up as soon as they came across the first hamlet at the base of a mountain.

The mountains were something to awe at in Jotunheim. Asgard’s were large, even Midgard’s had their attempts, but it was nothing to the sheer size and power this one in front of them exuded. Loki could look up and up until his neck hurt and still see only the base. It was magnificent, and wholly unappreciated as Loki focused instead on the horror that lay beneath it.

Giants.

Four of them, parents and children, all strewn away from their home, racing to freedom that would never come to them.

“Are they dead?” Rogers whispered.

“Looks that way,” Loki said, going over to nudge them just to be sure.

He didn’t have to. If there was one thing he was certainly not expected to do it was check to see if they were still alive. Yet Loki still did it, in hopes that maybe, possibly, the first thing to civilisation they had come to in almost two months wasn’t dead.

But they were. Dismembered and butchered they lay in their own blood, and when Loki looked further, when he abandoned that home to find another, he saw that was the same.

All of them. Every single house in this village. This town, was harbouring bodies. Every street corner, every tree. They were dead. All of them.

“We’ve walked into something haven’t we?” Bucky remarked.

“Looks that way,” Loki said again, trying to wrap his head around how, why, what could have possibly happened here.

They did a sweep, just in case someone had managed to hide. When they were done they met up in the large hall in the centre of the town, Loki helping himself to food that was still good despite its departed hosts.

Rogers turned his nose up when he saw Loki picking at dead men’s food. Luckily Bucky wasn’t so squeamish or Loki was sure he would have gotten a lecture.

The two of them, three when Rogers’ stomach caught up with his eyes, filled their stomachs in silence, and when they were done, Loki lit the fire and let the other two climb up onto his chair.

“Do _Jotnar_ ,” Rogers struggled over, “Bury their dead?”

“I have no idea,” Loki said. “If they’re anything like Asgardians they may. It depends on who they are however.”

Rogers nodded, feet coming up to curl beneath him.

“You notice their wounds?” Bucky asked when silence had reigned too long between them again.

“Yes.” He had. He’d made a point to so he could figure out just what was going on here. “Small. Pointed, smooth. I’d say a spear.” Especially with the range he’d seen from some of those wounds. They had to be from a long distance throw, which meant whoever they were they weren’t Midgardian. Well, Loki thought, looking at his companions, not an ordinary Midgardian.

“Could they be like you?” Bucky asked, sizing Loki up.

His question had Rogers perking too, a suspicion Loki shot down immediately in his eyes. “We didn’t go any farther than Utgard when I was here last. Besides, my weapon of choice is a knife if you haven’t already noticed.”

“But you’ve used spears,” Rogers pointed out.

“I used a staff. That’s completely different. I have magic too. It’s much cleaner to kill someone with a flick of my wrist than dirty myself with a spear and close combat.”

They were still suspicious, of which Loki could do nothing more about but point out he had witnesses back in Midgard if they didn’t believe him now. Thankfully they left it alone after that, probably because Loki pointed out, as well, that the food was still edible, not only that the embers in their fires looked recent. Naive they may be to most things, but at least they had a collective knowledge about tracking. One that told them this was too recent an attack to be from Loki’s hands.

Bucky stretched his legs out, hands gripping the edge of the seat, “We need to check the other villages. There was a map in one of the rooms. It shouldn’t take us too long to get there.”

“By too long you mean a few weeks,” Loki snorted. “But fine, we’ll go. There’s nothing else we can do here anyway.”

Nothing but eat their food, gather up what they could carry and get a good nights sleep in an actual bed.

They left the bodies where they were. It would waste time and energy gathering them all up for burning or burial so they just, left them. Loki prayed their souls were in Helheim now, not watching them from their prison inside their bodies. He didn’t fancy fending off a draugr right now.

The thought kept him up at nights as they walked to the next village. He kept thinking, just as his eyes would close, that he could hear something, a footstep or a whisper, and back up he would get, clutching his knives and demanding whatever spirit was haunting him to find peace. He woke the others when he did this, none of them heavy sleepers. But instead of mocking Loki like Thor or his friends would do, Rogers and Bucky sat with him, both of them clutching weapons of their own, their eyes scanning with Loki’s the too large trees for signs of life.

The next village they came to was like the first.

So was the next.

The one after too.

Every one they travelled to was a sea of bodies and empty homes.

He didn’t like it. He felt like they were merely steps behind who was doing this, and seeing all those faces, not all of them blue, not all of them red eyed, sent shivers up his spine. Someone was hunting giants, and so far they didn’t know Loki was on their tail. But at what point would that change? Would they spare him for his guise as an Aesir? Or were Aesir, Jotnar, Midgardians and whatever else just bodies to this creature?

He found himself pacing in the latest home they’d come to. Thor would be in Vanaheim he told himself mid step. Thor was safe, he repeated again and again, the only small comfort he had after a year of endless walking. Thor wasn’t needed to be worried over now.

But Loki was.

“Maybe we should stop following them,” Steve suggested. He and Bucky were sitting at the table in their latest home, looking over a map Loki was pacing on top of. “Whoever they are they’re dangerous and there’s… there’s nothing we can do to stop them. They’re taking down giants for Christ’s sake.”

“If you’re talking quitting talk we really are in a pickle,” Bucky murmured. He stretched his back out, one of Loki’s knives, now Bucky’s running along the river they’d been following to get to this village. There were another five before the land turned again and boats would be needed to sail to the islands.

They had talked about going there. Getting ahead and warning whoever was on those islands to prepare for an attack. Only, by the time they’d gotten to here, they realised that whoever was ahead of them would be there well before they would be. Even Loki’s magic couldn’t hurry the three of theirs pace enough. Nothing but a veil would get them there fast enough.

So here they were, talking options. “There has to be a way,” Loki muttered. “There has to be.”

Steve slumped a little more in his seat. All of them were tired, all of them heard the ticking of a clock that counted down the seconds before some other village would end up massacred. “Unless they have a cell phone I don’t see how we’re going to get a message to them.”

Loki paced forward a few more steps before the genius of Steve’s words washed over him, “A cell phone.”

Jotnar didn’t have phones. Neither did Aesir, or Vanir. All realms but Midgard didn’t have need of them. They’d evolved beyond them, and Loki, sheltered lamb that he was in Asgard, hadn’t needed to communicate widespread ever in his life. Not like his father did. Or his mother when she wanted her cousins in Vanaheim to hear the latest gossip from the high court.

“Maybe we could send them a message.” There were a number of ways his mother had taught him, since the ways of his father were always hidden from him. Her ways involved magic, but if they got the job done then why bother worrying about how these messages would be received. “We’ll need parchment and ink.” They would try the easiest route first, then the others just in case.

They scrambled around until they found a roll of parchment that was large enough for a giant to read. Writing large was troublesome, Loki having to pay special attention to his spelling after he got bored writing a letter for minutes at a time. The three of them rolled it up when it was done, Loki hoping at least one giant could read as he set the end on fire and sent it to the dot on the map three villages from their location.

After that, Loki sought out a mirror, and with a spell he wrote his message in the fog he breathed and sent it to a mirror that would be present in that village. He invaded dreams when he went to sleep that night, encountering three giants he told his warning too. The hope would be they would remember in the morning, or have inkling enough of Loki’s warning that he would believe the giants who got Loki’s other messages.

He scryed he sent birds, he even used a double, troublesome as it was, to project himself as far as he could, only getting the briefest glimpse of a giant before he was slammed back into his body and left gasping in his place.

There was nothing more he could do when he’d exhausted every mode of communication that he knew.

After a nap, and then another when that one didn’t leave him as refreshed as he’d hoped it would be, he went back to the map the other two hadn’t separated themselves from and tried to come up with a plan.

If the messages did get to the giants, then they would warn the other villages, which was a start. It wouldn’t help Loki get to them, but it would give them at least a warning, and with that a chance to run or fight against whatever was hunting them. That left them with… well, nothing.

They couldn’t keep going forward. They had been going forward for a year now and it had gotten them nowhere. Going backwards, without answers, would be the wisest choice. Going to Vanaheim. To Thor.

But going there would mean abandoning this, the chance for answers, and loathe as Loki was to be a hero these days he knew the other two didn’t feel the same way. They would want to stay and fight. They would want Loki to keep going, he’d come here for a reason and it would be cowardly to go back.

So he looked at the map and tried to think.

With the quill he had to hold with both hands he crossed off their route here and turned to the villages ahead once more. Then he had a thought. “Here,” He circled. It was an island that had been gently pictured on the map. There was a reverence to it. Something that would only be done to somewhere important.

Most interestingly, it was perhaps the nearest village to them. But, because of its placement across the sea it would be last to be visited by this murderer.

The others they couldn’t possibly get ahead on, but this, maybe, they could.

“If we get a boat, or build a raft. Something with a sail that will hold us, I can use my magic to spur us as fast as we can go to the island.” He was certain they would get there at least three months before this creature visited. That meant time to prepare. To visit the locals and listen to them tell him something in the realm of answers to what he wanted to know. “It’ll be our only chance to do something.”

“There’s logs we can use in the fire,” Steve said, scratching at his neck. “We could use one of the tunics,” Not shirt since Loki had made the distinction to Steve within their fifth month together. “To build a sail.” He darted off, as soon as he finished, Steve getting right to it. No need to waste time now they had a plan.

Bucky stared after him for a moment, “You know how to build a raft right?” he asked.

“Me?” Loki speculated. “Of course. We’ve needed them a few times over the years. Why?”

He pointed to himself then Steve, “City boys,” which really said everything after a year of slumming it together. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t mangle the wood in a rough idea of what he thinks a raft is. But you’re gonna have to step in at one point.”

“Will do.”

Right after he made a smaller map on a piece of torn parchment. Just a simple route to get to this island. Whether it was accurate would remain to be seen.

Steve didn’t butcher the logs too much by the time Loki joined them, but Bucky was definitely right that Steve hadn’t a clue how to build a raft or a boat of any kind. That didn’t stop him from being enthusiastic, perhaps a bit too much, in trying to take charge and figure it out himself.

Loki had shared many exasperated looks with Bucky over the last year, none more so than when Steve was trying to do something he had no clue about.

He tried. He always tried. But some things Steve simply didn’t know, and that was okay. It was just a matter of showing Steve that.

“They need to be longer,” Loki attempted again, hands firmly by his side. No annoyed crossed arms or pinching at his nose. He’d learned the hard way that looking like he was picking a fight would bring Steve’s aggressive side out. How Bucky put up with it on the regular Loki didn’t know. “I know it looks like they’ll hold all three of us, and they will. But, they need to hold all three of us comfortably. The way they are now we’ll be too cramped to do anything, and, if the waves are too choppy the pressure of all three of us in a concentrated spot, which we will be in that situation, will cause the raft to break. Better to have a longer raft and parts of it to pick off bit by bit than split down the middle and have nowhere to go. Yes?”

Steve took another look at the log he’d dutifully cut for Loki’s approval. “I guess,” He said at last.

“Thank you.” It was good to give him praise. Steve responded well to it. Even more so when he got to work with Bucky so, “Here’s what you have to do. Get Bucky, make him lie down, and you want at least three Bucky lengths of one log before you cut it.” There, that should solve some arguing, and Bucky did what he was told which helped too.

He worked on tying what Steve brought him together. It was difficult with it being just him knowing how to build a raft, but he did it. Slower than he did with Magni and Modi, and they had to carry it the three days it took to get to the sea, but it was there. They made it, and after grabbing rations and hoping the sea would have mercy on them they set off.

Loki’s fastest was probably only a normal speed for a giants boat. A normal speed was good however. Great. It wore him out more, but it meant they managed to get to the island around the normal time a giant would had they taken a boat.

The island was nothing fancy when they docked. There was sand under their feet, and the air was warmer, as it had been getting the further east they went. There were no homes yet, but Loki was sure they would happen upon them at some point so he just… settled down for a nap.


	12. Chapter 12

He woke to jostling, one of his two companions carrying him up a gentle slope. They were talking, as they usually were when Loki was unconscious or a bit ahead of them on their walks. It wasn’t anything too important, not like it once was. These days they usually talked about what they would eat when they went back to Midgard. They liked the travelling, they made a point of saying that to each other again and again. In fact, Steve had mentioned once he liked travelling in Jotunheim more than he enjoyed Midgard sometimes. It was simpler here. More like what he was familiar with. Bucky enjoyed the simplicity too. Mostly he enjoyed there were no Midgardians around that could potentially murder or ‘trigger’ him.

“Maybe we could get a farm,” Steve mused. “Some animals, a tractor. No one around for miles.”

“I’ve stayed in a farm a few times,” Bucky said, his tone warning Loki more than it did Steve that this would be an unhappy story. “Hydra had bases hidden inside some of them. Other times I’d stake them out. You’d be surprised how many people retire to a farm.”

“Right,” Steve breathed, voice sounding anything but right.

Loki found himself dropped after a few more steps, Bucky, who had been carrying him, gave him a small smirk. Payback for the time Loki did the same a few weeks prior.

“Anything?” Loki grumbled, stretching the kinks out of his back.

“Just trees,” Bucky said. “Lots and lots of trees.”

He wasn’t wrong. The trees here stretched so large and so wide that it took five minutes to pass just one of them. The foliage was overpowering too, Loki having to use his magic and knives more than once to cut himself out of it.

They made camp when it got dark. Out here, Loki placed what had been missing in the other villages and towns they had visited. Noise.

The noise of life. Of birds in trees, and animals rustling about. Of bugs under rocks and flies buzzing around. He’d never realised how much he’d been missing these sounds until they came to somewhere that wasn’t devoid of it.

“They’re killing the wildlife too,” Loki said.

“I noticed that too,” Bucky said. “We shouldn’t have had to scavenge like that, even if this is an alien planet.”

The reason for why they were killing animals escaped him. Giants, Loki could understand. He’d come up with theories over the last year about who or what might be destroying these people. His main theory was it was an Aesir. An Aesir or Vanir with ties to Thor or the palace of Asgard. No one else, except those in Thor’s inner circle, would have a grudge so strong that they would go out and murder a whole race of people. It was possible, that someone that had known Thor before his whole ‘acceptance and forgiveness’ change would have heard his words and took them to heart. That they had been planning this for a while. Perhaps followed Loki to the veil and struck while Jotunheim was weak and recovering.

He couldn’t think of anyone else it could be, truthfully. The other realms had never hated Jotunheim like Asgard had. Really, the rest of the realms hated Asgard. They had cause too. But Jotunheim they had no quarrel with. They had no war with them. No strife, no trade. Jotunheim had done nothing to them, and to realms that were once under a tyrants rule, that was just fine with them. They had bigger things to worry about. Like what Odin’s next mood meant for them.

“Maybe they’re running,” Steve said. He was doodling with a stick, basically a toothpick to a giant, in the dirt, the images of the birds Loki had dragged down for them to feast on. “I mean, we haven’t seen any bodies have we? Just the giants. They could be running. If they’re anything like Fenrir-”

“They’re not,” Loki said immediately. “Fenrir is… he’s not an animal.”

“No offence-” Bucky elbowed Steve before anything more could be said.

Soothing the way, as Bucky usually did, the man said, “You don’t have to explain anything else. And they’re not running Steve. Whoever this is, they’re going after the animals in their dens. Just because we haven’t come across any bodies doesn’t mean they’re not there.”

Steve sighed, “I just don’t see the point,” his foot scuffing the images he’d sketched into the earth. “Why animals. Why kill anything here. What’s their purpose for doing this?”

“We’ll find out,” Loki promised. “That’s why we’re here. This is a sacred place for the Jotnar. And so long as we can convince them to listen to us we can face whoever this is and ask them in person what their purpose is.”

“Wish I’d brought more guns,” Bucky said, leaning back on his hands. Their guns had lasted them until the four month mark, in which the rust from weeks in the cold got too unsafe for them to use. Their bullets they spent helping Loki shoot down food, and since they hadn’t encountered anything hostile so far, they had seen no point in carrying around dead weight when Loki could hand them a knife or fashion it into a spear.

They camped four more times before the trees thinned out and a row of homes appeared. They were circular in their placement, and at the centre a staircase that descended down instead of up. There was no one here, which had Loki checking the houses for bodies.

Yet every home he looked in showed no bodies, no blood, no sign of strife or battle.

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Steve said when they met up.

“Seems like a trap,” Bucky agreed.

“But for who is the question,” Loki mused, stepping closer to the staircase that was practically calling his name. He knew here, somewhere, there would be a trigger. Either an alarm or a trap of some kind. Something to keep him contained or call for help. Yet he stepped further forward instead of away, ignoring the other two calling him an idiot. “We won’t get answers unless we meet someone.” So he stepped onto the first stair, and promptly ducked as a series of arrows flew over his head.

The other two had been prepared, watching too many ‘movies’ so they said, and had managed to duck the first onslaught of attack.

The next wave came with larger projectiles than arrows. This time Loki had to run as boulder growing in size smashed the earth he had been standing on before. He reached the others, shielding them with a spell and waited for the boulders to stop.

When they did, Loki found himself surrounded, clubs and weapons of all sizes pointed menacingly at his head. He kept the shield up as he stood, “Greetings,” he gave them a grin. Always good to start a negotiation on good terms. “I am Loki, prince of Asgard,” He debated saying king of Jotunheim but, well, he wasn’t so sure they would like that so he kept it simple.

Whatever he said seemed to be right, as, when he looked up, the giants weren’t looking as murderous as they ought to have been. “Loki?” one of them asked, the voice coming from behind him.

He kept his eyes forward. Any move could be considered a threat in situations like this so Loki kept forward and simply nodded. “Loki.”

A club came eerily close to the top of his head, “You don’t look like Loki.”

Right. Of course he didn’t. He warred with himself for a few moments before dropping his glamour. He didn’t have to look at himself, forced himself not to look at his hands, the way the air seemed to agree with him a little less. He didn’t think about how his sight was sharpened, just on how the giants fell to their knees, cries of joy fleeing their mouths.

“Loki,” one cheered. “It’s Loki.”

“He’s back.”

“I prayed for this.”

“I knew you’d come.”

Well, Loki would admit this was one of the better receptions he’d ever gotten, trap included. He heard the other two behind him stand up, Steve shouldering his shield. The giants were like the others, their blue skin gone in favour of a different shade. Some of them were green, some yellow like a hay bale. One was the colour Loki favoured in his usual form. He’d come to learn over the months that giants weren’t completely what he thought they were. They differed like any other race, only in their case it was dependent on their environment. He wasn’t too sure why yet, but now they had alive, actual alive giants in front of them, they would find out.

“Rise, friends. I’m afraid I’m not here with good tidings. We need to talk, somewhere with a map.”

They were more than accommodating. Once Loki had okayed the other two as friendly the giants brought them to the nearest home, plied meats in front of them, gave them wine that had Loki’s mouth watering and held a map up for Loki’s approval.

He told them, over their meal, about the other villages, the animals, the likely Aesir hunting everyone in Jotunheim. Spearing meat onto his knife he noted the way the giants tensed, looking at each other when Loki mentioned the coming attack.

“You know something,” he said at last. “What?”

The giants knelt again, like they were afraid Loki would strike them down. Such power was heady to the mind. If it were under different circumstances Loki would be practically be purring.

“My prince,” One said slowly, likely hoping someone else would pick up on his sentence. They didn’t, leaving the first to say, “We may know something.”

“May?”

“There’s something you should see.”

“Only when you’re ready,” Another tacked on.

“You must be tired,” They continued, and promptly shuffled Loki and his companions to where they kept their beds.

He didn’t know whether they were purposefully distracting him or actually trying to be generous. Whatever it was, he thought they should have kept their little reveal until the morning if they didn’t want Loki mulling over it all night.

The other two thought the same, the three of them lying side by side wondering all night just what this knowledge could be.

He hadn’t slept much, and by morning he was ready to just know already. He didn’t even pull on his overcoat, this island too hot to shoulder something that had been weighing him down for months. So he kept it where it was, and saw the other two shedding some layers as they joined their host for breakfast.

“Later,” the giant said when Loki brought up this knowledge they had. “For now you must rest. We have much to ask you.”

So did Loki.

They rested until resting became a chore. Loki made note when they were being herded here and there how much they avoided what Loki asked of them. How they skirted the subject. How they moved them pointedly when nothing too exciting was going on outside. How they distracted Loki’s companions so much that even if Loki was being particularly persistent he would be pulled away from the conversation eventually as either Steve or Bucky tried to muddle out what some piece of Jotun art or literature they’d been handed.

Which was interesting Loki gave them that. Had they wanted them completely in the dark they would have avoided giving Loki and his companions anything altogether. No books, no art, yet there they were right in front of him. They were folktales sure, but folktales told a lot about a place, and that they were sharing this much made Loki believe they weren’t completely trying to placate him into a comatose state.

He called a stop to it the next day. “We’re wasting time,” he told them when they even tried to make their excuses. “You tell me what you know now, or I’ll…” He didn’t really know what he would do, probably nothing really, but the threat of something happening, along with these people having some prior knowledge of him was a gamble he was willing to bet on.

Something that paid off too as the giants all went to their knees in front of him, some of them begging Loki to forgive them. The one that had been housing them for the last day was the one to raise his head first, “We beg your forgiveness prince Loki. It’s just, from what we’ve heard, you liked to take a while to rest before you helped your people.”

Oh. “Right. Yes.” Maybe he should lead with the fact he doesn’t recall much or anything of before. Then again, they were compliant like this, willing to not ask questions or worse, question him. “Well, that was before,” He decided on, “And unlike before, Jotunheim hasn’t faced a threat quite like this one. So, since we’re all in agreement that we’re going to try and salvage our people, let’s hear what you know.”

It wasn’t so much words they wanted to tell him it turned out, more, something to show him. They tried to explain it. Mostly they talked about Loki as they fetched his small boots and tried to help put them on him so his godly feet wouldn’t get hurt.

“It was foretold you know,” one of the giants said as they walked out of the home Loki and his companions had been staying in. “Your return. Farbauti tried to tell us you had abandoned us. But us Jotnar, us loyal Jotnar, we knew the truth. We knew you leaving was for the good of the realm. You had done so much for us, and in return we shunned you. You leaving for good was for us to try and carve our own path. But we knew, “ he insisted, “We knew you would return if something dire happened.”

The smile that crept onto Loki’s face was fragile at best. “You put too much faith in me,” He said.

The giant heard nothing of it, “We have every faith in you prince Loki. You brought us the casket. You helped heal Jotunheim, and you’ll do so again.”

Loki kept his mouth shut, a good thing he thought when he looked back to find Steve and Bucky looking none too comforted by the giants words either.

They were led to the staircase. Unlike before however, there were no spears or rocks coming towards their heads. Instead, the giants took Loki and his companions, after much careful asking, onto their shoulders and started down faster than any of them would be able to left alone.

All Loki saw for a while was darkness. The stairs were narrow. Too narrow for torches or scones. The only reason these giants knew their way down without fault was probably due to the amount of time they had walked them. Which begged the question of why, and why they were here in the first place.

Loki had his suspicions. Usually when something was hidden it had a well of knowledge or something powerful in its midst. The infinity stones came to mind, his magic tingling with the idea. It could be a library too, which Loki would also enjoy. The one in Utgard hadn’t been too exciting. Mostly it was about court, or something in relation to court. Very rarely did Loki happen upon something sentimental. There weren’t even any stories one would tell to children. In Asgard, Frigga had made a big show of taking Thor and him down to the library before they retired to bed, she’d… no, Loki supposed she hadn’t.

But later, when things weren’t so muddled, when Loki was more sure of his memories, he remembered her taking him to Vanaheim. Him and Thor both. She’d took them to the vast library there and told them to pick out a book. ‘For old times sake,’ she had asked of them, and maybe that was where that memory had evolved from.

It was a nice memory. One he’d cherished, and at least at one time it had been real.

He heard Bucky make stilted conversation behind him. The man was awfully quiet around strangers. Loki had never thought he would be, what with how they were introduced to each other, and the past year of ribbing he’d observed daily in relation to Steve. Yet there he was, asking how long it would take someone of his size to climb back up these stairs should no one be able to carry him.

He was looking for a way out.

A smart thing to do really. Especially considering Loki could turn into a bird and ditch them if something happened beyond their control.

Steve, well, his questions were more about the giants themselves. He was asking a mile a minute questions he was sure Loki had heard Bucky ask the night before. Like he was making the effort of getting answers he knew Bucky wouldn’t be able to ask himself.

“Different environments,” the giant explained when Steve asked about their different skin colours and textures. “The story goes that when the realms were born the giants were created to build the land, seas and skies. Our powers are connected to the world we are born in.”

“So, the ground we’re- you’re- walking on, that’s a giant?” Steve went on. Loki shifted further back in his seat, curious himself about this answer.

“It would have been, at some point,” The giant said. “When giants die, their powers, souls, seep into the land they were born into. They are a drop in the sea, a pebble on the ground, a blade of grass on a hill. So they say. The casket, the story goes, was responsible for returning us to the land that gifted us with our magic. Then it was taken, and giants remain how you’ve seen them, slowly decaying into nothingness. Did you never wonder why we don’t go to Helheim?”

“Truthfully sir, I’ve never even saw a live giant before today.”

“Course you have,” The giant snorted, “You’ve been travelling with prince Loki.”

“Yeah,” Steve sighed, “But, Loki’s not, well, he’s not like you. It’s different. ‘Sides, didn’t even know he was a giant until a recently.” Loki may have passed off a few lies before breaking down and telling the truth. What can he say? It turns out Steve Rogers is a relentless pain in Loki’s backside when he wants to be, and that’s saying something.

“Well you’ve been lucky anyway,” the giant said. “And so are we. Loki is the only thing except the casket that can return us to the land. He used to perform great blood rituals last time he was here. He healed our sick, and those he couldn’t he gave them a peaceful end. It was the last golden era we had.”

His healing magic had never been that great. To think he had the power at one point to boast about it was intriguing. As was the rest of what this giant was saying. He’d never thought about Helheim, about his end. He’d never heard of a giant travelling there after death, but, really Loki hadn’t heard much about giants. He didn’t think the reason for that, for their absence in songs about feasting in Valhalla was because they didn’t go there. Instead they rotted into the land and…

He felt sick.

All those times he’d thought death preferable to life and it turns out he wouldn’t be making the better choice. He wouldn’t be giving up his strife for a feast and fight at a table with friends. He’d be nothing instead. He’d be the ice under Utgard. The snow raining from the sky.

He didn’t want that.

It wasn’t fair.

Maybe if he had been brought up with this idea, maybe then he could find some peace like these giants did, but he didn’t, he hadn’t. He’d thought he would live after he died. To find out he wouldn’t-

“Here,” the giant put him down carefully, Loki finally able to see, and that alone may have curbed the vomit threatening to escape his mouth.

They had reached the bottom of the stairs, and instead of gems or books, Loki was met with something he definitely hadn’t been expecting.

Homes.


	13. Chapter 13

A whole village of homes.

He glanced up, the ceiling above them high enough that a giant would think it far away. Some kind of cave system? He guessed. He wasn’t entirely sure.

The light there was came from the multitude of torches that had been set up in special domes that, Loki supposed, kept the smoke from escaping and suffocating them down here. It was magic, in some way, he could feel it in his bones. Just like he could feel that this place was wrong, somehow.

The others didn’t think so, like Thor, they never had that sense of something off. Or if they did they chose to ignore it in favour of asking their questions. In this case Loki left them to it. Let Bucky and Steve find out what the giants were willing to part with, Loki himself would do his own investigation, starting with the first house in his sight.

It was similar in shape to the ones above. In fact, so similar it was Loki thought he could be back in that home upstairs if he pretended a little. He looked inside, conjuring a flame when the torch light didn’t extend in here.

The layout was the same inside. The place where the table was seated, the bed, the firepit. The next home was the same. As was the one after. But all of them, every single one of them, were underground, old. Older than what was above. The walls showed a wear that the ones above were just beginning to get. The furniture too. Yet it was still here. Preserved.

Yes. That was what Loki would call this. Preserved.

He strolled around the ones that were new to his eyes, the ones that weren’t laid out like those upstairs. He didn’t find anything too special. Not until the third home he entered. There, inside, was a giant. The bones of a giant anyway. He wasn’t at rest, like Loki would think one would be dying in their home, instead, he was laid out like those Loki had seen in the other villages. Astray from comfort, lying in pain, like his last act was to try and run.

There were others too.

Giants in the street. In homes, all running away from where Loki had come from, where the staircase was.

“What is this,” Loki demanded when he got back to the others. “Who are these people?”

The giants shared a look, the one with straw like hair taking the initiative to say, “We don’t know. We were hoping you might.” Which told it all really.

“You left them down here? You didn’t disturb them?” Loki made sure.

The giants shook their heads. “We found them years ago. My sire, actually, found them, and brought the matter to Utgard. He hoped you could shed some light on what it was. But then Skrymir was in power, and you were in Asgard.”

“And you didn’t think to ask him?”

The giant shook his head, “My father didn’t trust him. Not many of us did. He said you betrayed us, but we knew, Jotunheim knew that wasn’t true.”

The question of why, of what went on, was itching to be asked, but right now there were giants lying prone, thousands of years old, and Loki’s bad feeling was getting worse. “We should go back up. Talk about this in daylight.” Where he was away from these ghosts.

The giants carried them back up, and joined Loki and the mortals at their hosts table. All of them were waiting for answers, something Loki didn’t have right now. The only thing was he couldn’t give them nothing.

Bucky took the lead before Loki could spin some lie or distraction. “We need to talk about the massacres,” which truly should have been talked about before now and, thankfully, his bull headedness meant the giants were forced to confront the idea that they were next on someone’s list.

Steve took charge when Bucky finished rattling off the grisly details. Loki could feel his eyes flitting Loki’s way every now and then, but the man, like his friend, was good at staying on topic, and while he’d never truly been to Jotunheim before, he’d picked up enough on his travels to have a good idea about their strengths if it came to an attack.

Through all this, all this talk of battle and defence, Loki mulled over what he had seen. Sacred, Loki thought it was. That was how it appeared on the map. Yet there was nothing sacred about this place. These people had stumbled upon something, and the surrounding areas had decided to mark it down so they would know which island this strange village was hidden under.

He tuned back in when Steve pointed to them on the map, asking the question Loki should have about why it was marked. It turns out it wasn’t the villages doing, like Loki had thought. Instead, the order had come from Utgard.

“Prince Hron had it marked in case Prince Loki ever returned. Our prince wanted to make sure Prince Loki knew where to go.”

Hron. “Where is your prince?”

The giants bowed their heads, “The princes were the first to be slayed. We got news from Utgard that Farbauti had them smothered in their sleep when Prince Hron challenged Farbauti for the throne. Hron thought, with your return in Utgard, that you would be able to cement his claim my prince.”

Well that made Loki feel awful. Even more so than before. While he’d never been fond of the giants before he found out about his heritage, he’d never wanted them dead like Thor. A bit of harmless mischief he’d thought, and when they’d returned there had been twenty dead, Fandral injured and now two of Loki’s nephews murdered. “I wish I had known,” Loki forced himself to say, swallowing down the rest of his words in favour of letting Steve take over again.

Steve however, didn’t dive back into it, instead turning to Loki to ask, “Farbauti? You think he could be-”

“No,” Loki shook his head, “I murdered him in Asgard. I thought it was Laufey, but, apparently not.”

“For the best,” One giants said. “Utgard was nothing but ruin anyway.”

He found himself blinking back more bile as guilt that had lay on him for years eased somewhat. Ruins wasn’t abandoned, but it was better than populated. Loki’s temper tantrum wouldn’t have murdered as many as he thought it did.

He still had Midgard on his conscience, but, well, he thought he was making up for that by saving their lives from Ragnarok so, all good there.

Talk went long into the night. Long enough that Steve had bought them enough time to not give answers they didn’t have on the underground village in return for making sure their ‘Prince Loki’ was well rested. It worked, at least, and the three of them found themselves alone as the giants went back to their homes or bed in the case of their host.

“What did you see down there?” Bucky asked, “You mentioned giants?”

“All dead,” Loki shook his head, “For longer than the others as well. That village was older than me. Older than my mother,” Loki would wager. “I don’t remember strife in Jotunheim in the time of my grandfather.”

The realm of the giants was mostly left alone. The giants never bothered any other realm until Laufey came to power and set his sights on Midgard. No massacres, no buried villages, and it would have been written down if there had been. Or these giants would have known about it. But they didn’t. It hadn’t. Which meant that this wasn’t known to them until they stumbled upon it.

“You look worried,” Bucky noted. “Don’t think that’s a good thing.”

“I am worried.” He told them about how they were lying. How they were killed. A spear, short range, long range, all running away from this creature. “Just like what’s happening now.”

“Some kind of serial killer?” Steve guessed after a moment. “There was this show I was watching once, where this murderer only killed people at a certain time of the month or year. Couldn’t that be what this is?”

“Perhaps,” Loki considered. “It’s possible. And with our extended lifespans it has crossed my mind that this creature is capable of lying dormant, blending in, and then reverting back to its natural state.” His first presumption of this thing being in Thor’s midst came to mind. What would it have done had it known Loki was a giant?

“The houses looked the same,” Bucky said absently.

“I know,” Loki said. “Even the insides.”

“No but, they looked the same,” Bucky repeated, mind working faster than his mouth. “I mean, if they hadn’t found those homes before they built their own, how would they know how or where to build them?”

“Maybe the structure is natural in all Jotun villages,” Steve guessed.

Although they all knew that wasn’t true. They had been to many in their year together, and not one looked the same. The giants here could be lying, they could very well have modelled their village on the one below. But why? Why not build the rest too? Why just the ones they needed?

Nothing made sense, and what did didn’t fit into what Loki needed it to. His hands started hurting, his nails making dents that would turn to cuts if he wasn’t careful about it. “They’re waiting for answers,” Loki mumbled, mostly to himself.

The others heard however since he did say it out loud. “It’s weird seeing people actually buy the whole God thing,” Steve said, voice, too, low, like he didn’t want Loki to hear it.

“Dunno Steve,” Bucky said, he, unlike Steve, holding a bit of an open mind. “I’ve seen some things in my time. Who says this guy isn’t a God?”

“Er…” Steve made a long gesture towards Loki.

“Yeah,” Bucky said, but unlike Steve he wasn’t looking at Loki like he was a jester here to amuse him. “He does magic. He lives for years. You said he got fired at fifty thousand times and not one bullet landed. And,” Bucky insisted, “He’s lost his memories. Who’s to say he isn’t a God? Who’s to say this Odin guy didn’t take his memories because Loki was a god. Way I see it, a prince is more controllable than an all powerful being.”

Which… was a point. He could see Steve thinking the same thing. “You think that’s possible?” Steve asked carefully.

“I don’t know.” Loki answered honestly. “Possible, yes, but whether Odin would use this method in favour of another is debatable.” Odin was always more of a destroy anything more powerful than himself kind of man. If Loki truly was a God, in the sense that mortals thought of Gods, then Odin would be more likely to… well, to put him in a prison much like he did Hela. “We’re getting off topic. We were debating what we were going to tell the giants tomorrow. They need something so we can keep the act up.”

Steve snorted, mumbling again, “Of course you want them to worship you.”

“Listen, if being perceived a God will allow us faster control of these people then I will posture and pretend as much as I need to keep these people alive.” He wasn’t going to be judged. It wasn’t like they were complaining yesterday either when they were being pampered by giants.

“It is easier,” Bucky agreed, kicking Steve slightly when the man grumbled again. “And as for answers, maybe we don’t need to give them any. We can make some vague explanation up and refocus them on the attack, tell them you don’t have time to go into depth if they want to survive.”

Something that wouldn’t be as simple as Bucky made it out to be.

“Sit down Loki,” Bucky said when minutes passed and nothing more was said. “Just sleep it off. We’re gonna need you bright eyed and bushy tailed if we have a chance of saving at least someone in this realm.”

Breakfast the next morning consisted of a lot of wide eyed giants waiting for Loki to make some grand statement. One he still didn’t have. It was strange, for years he had been able to get by with bluffing his way through life, yet here he was when he needed his brain to make up something sharp and he had nothing. He really was wasting away in old age.

Thankfully, his mortal council were able enough to come up with the excuses they had spoke about last night, Steve, since he was their best speaker, telling them they had more important things to worry about than an underground village. “Loki does have answers, but he feels they would distract us too much from the problem at hand if we put all our energies into investigating something we might not be around to see again.”

The giants grumbled, of course they did, they wanted answers, but, after Steve put those baby blue eyes of his into practice, and Bucky piped in with how many days, ideally, they had left, they got their head back into gear and pulled out the maps. This Loki was better at. This all of them were better at really.

They took sections of the island each. Loki would be in charge of their last line of defence, so, the village itself. He had the honour of trying to reach the islands further away from this one, and the country that lay three months, in giant terms, away. His magic was their best weapon against whoever this was, and while it would be smart to use him first, Loki had to agree that letting other measures attempt to fight off this threat first was wise. If their other measures worked without Loki’s involvement then there was no need for him to exert himself. If not, then they had the majority of the giants safe and Loki, well, Loki was used to fighting impossible odds, this probably Aesir hunter would be nothing compared to some he’d faced.

For three months they sharpened branches and stones, they melted what metal they had to make knives and swords. They set up walls, built divots, trenches, anything that could provide cover. They trapped the trees, the ground, they prepped the boats and brought Loki everything he needed to make fire that would burn in water, on rocks, on anything they needed it to.

They worked until they bones were aching when night fell. Until their stomachs ached for food and even after that. They worked until they had ran out of time and word had reached them from the island before theirs, a last attempt at help, carried by a bird that bled out as soon as it landed.

“They’ll be here in under a week,” Loki said. The giants had gathered in one home again. The bird was cut up in front of them, none of them wanting to waste meat when it landed in their lap. They had been preparing for this for months yet only now Loki realised he was about to face this creature that had been hunting Jotnar. They had always been one step behind, now, in front, there was nowhere to run. Not if they wanted to be labelled cowards, and Loki, as much as he liked to run, wasn’t going to run from this. It was the only thing stopping him from answers, and Loki hated things getting in his way. “I’ll need to make contact with the islands ahead at some point tonight.”

It would be the last chance he got. After tonight, they would be setting up watches for wherever this stranger was going to dock.

“Think we have a chance?” Steve asked. The three of them, as usual, had been pushed to the top of the table. The only seat the giants had put cushion upon cushion on so the three of them could sit sort of at a height with the rest of the giants.

“Nope,” Bucky answered before Loki could. “This thing kills giants Stevie. Real frickin’ giants. We have no chance.”

“Always an optimist Buck.”

Bucky shrugged, “Just don’t want to get your hopes up. But,” he sat up slightly, dropping a grin Steve’s way, “Don’t take this the wrong way but you’ve survived this long. I have no doubt you’ll perform some miracle and keep surviving.”

Loki huffed, leaning between their gazes, “I don’t suppose that hope extends to myself too?”

“Nope.” He clapped Loki on the back, “You’re like me, bad luck til the end. If we do survive, it’s gonna be hell getting there.”

“Wonderful.” He wasn’t wrong however.

The bed that night suffocated him, the walls feeling too tight despite their expanse. It got to the point where Loki needed to drag himself outside, to see the moon, the stars and everything that didn’t look like a prison.

He always hated this part, the waiting. It was all well and good putting a plan together, but the waiting between one act and another, of everything in place and implementing it, that always made him restless. It drove Thor mad. Loki did well under pressure, but even Thor sometimes admitted that it was better for Loki to plan ahead an attack rather than go in hammer swinging. Those times, Thor would almost always regret asking Loki for help. The plans would go off without a hitch, but the waiting inbetween, like that time they were waiting out a hunting party to make camp at a river bed had Loki jittering so much Thor would sometimes end up acting before it was time just to escape the annoyance of it all.

He missed Thor. Much as Loki liked to make fun of him Thor was one of the strongest people Loki knew, mentally and physically. He would feel safer, or at least more sure of himself or his escape if it came down to it, if Thor were here, fighting with him.

But Thor wasn’t. He was in Vanaheim, hopefully. Probably paying homage to a whole host of Vanir women. Whoever had decided to act as the ambassador between the Vanir and Aesir would be telling Thor to court at least one of them, make a solid alliance like what Odin and Frigga had. Not a stupid move, all things considered, but Loki wasn’t going to pretend that he didn’t go green with envy at the idea of someone touching Thor.

“Thinking about Thor?” Steve asked, materialising from the shadows to perch next to Loki.

“How could you tell?” Loki laughed. It seemed all he thought about was Thor.

“I’m not gonna pretend I don’t still think it’s weird you like him,” Steve confessed.

“I don’t blame you. I wasn’t exactly nice to him when you last saw us together.”

“It’s not that,” Steve waved off. “It’s just, when you fight people, you tend not to think of them as a person. It’s easier, you know.” He did know. “And, Thor kept saying you were his brother, you were of Asgard, but all I could see was this batshit crazy guy destroying my home world. It’s hard connecting him with, well, you.” The man that Steve forced himself to get along with in order to come on this crazy adventure to another realm.

“Trust me, I thought the same of you.” If he thought of Steve as someone that was capable of kindness, of mercy and friendship, why would he bother fighting him? In battle it was better to think everyone had no other motive than to destroy the other, that way there was no hesitation when it came to the killing blow. As a soldier, the two of them knew this idea well, and poor Bucky, the einherjar with no purpose, he lived that idea for most of his life.

“I hope he’s okay,” Steve said. “Bruce too. I hope he’s enjoying himself on Vanaheim. It’s not earth, but, Bruce is a scientist, he’ll probably be thrilled at the idea of being on another planet once the idea sinks in.”

“Vanaheim is quite lovely,” Loki promised, “Banner will be the most at peace he’s ever been. The whole realm is idyllic. It’s no Alfheim, but Vanaheim has a charm about it that’s freer than the elves project. There won’t be as many council meetings either.”

“I’d like to see it.”

Loki hesitated only a moment before saying, “You will.” The mortals he’d already planned for, whether they knew it or not. Loki had no qualms about seeking the rest of Jotunheim on his own, so long as he got these two back to Midgard, or to Thor at some point. “You should ask the Vanir while you’re there to have a look at Bucky. Some einherjar, if they’re too broken in battle my father may let them retire. It wholly depends on their service to the palace.” Most of them were killed in the name of mercy, but there were a few that Loki had seen walk free. “My point is that the Vanir are usually the ones tasked with unravelling the minds of the einherjar. At least a little. A soldier without a purpose is a dangerous thing. Better to remove the purpose and let a little of the person back in than to be left with a shell of a man harming innocents.”

“You think they can do that? Help?”

“If I had the mind stone I could help him even faster. However, I don’t, and the Vanir are the next best at mind manipulation in the nine. They have more time too. More places for him to relax between sessions.” Bucky would do well there Loki was sure.

“No offence, but I don’t trust you with this mind stone.”

“I completely understand that.” Loki watched the stars for a while, hearing the plans Steve was making. He debated for a moment longer before telling Steve, “The mind stone is the sceptre. Thor has, doubtless, told you about them, but the mind stone, as well as the tesseract are two of many stones that have the power of the universe contained within them. Or, so they say.”

“So they say?”

“Rumour had it the casket was a sentient stone, much like the infinity stones, capable of creating or stabilising a realm. It turns out it’s merely a stone that enhances the magic of that who wields it. While I have no doubt they have some power, I don’t think they’re capable of what they’re foretold to. The mind stone, for example, was rumoured to be able to give the user power over, well, the mind, or the minds of thousands. But, so am I. When I wielded the stone, Th- Thanos controlled some of my thoughts it’s true, but he more used me, with the capabilities of the stone to control those around me. It didn’t give me powers, more, enhanced that which I already had. Just as Thanos, he may not have magic, but he has the capabilities to break a person to his will. He has the skill, but not the magic. I don’t think I’m explaining this well.”

He didn’t know how else to explain it.

Steve grasped it anyway, “You’re saying it can’t give someone something they don’t already have, and that this power doesn’t have to have a magical inclination. I get it. So, the tesseract, it created weapons.”

“Yes,” Loki agreed, “Because it is a source of power, but not as powerful as someone would think it to be. The energy in it is capable of building weapons. Especially to you Midgardians.”

“We’re really gonna have to have a talk about how you talk about my people,” Steve grumbled, “But I get it. What I don’t get is why you’re telling me this.”

“Because there are people out there that believe in these stones capabilities, and, if they have the skill to use them, especially all of them together, then we may be in trouble.” If Ragnarok hadn’t already claimed Thanos Loki would have to deal with him.

Maybe he could get Hela to take care of the man. She was bigger than him, and she liked Loki’s flattering. He’d gladly write her a whole play if she went and dealt with that purple nightmare.

“Thanks for the heads up.”

It was the least Loki could do. Also, maybe, “You shouldn’t worry so much about Bucky.” That day in Wakanda came to mind, where Steve did nothing but gripe at Loki for hours on end. “He’s doing fine. Sometimes he doesn’t talk because he doesn’t know what to say. The einherjar live quiet lives. They don’t speak, they don’t think, and to remember how to do that, it takes time. Don’t worry, your lover will sort whatever he needs to out, and even if he’s different for it, so are you, you both weren’t the men you left behind.”

A smile inched its way onto Steve’s face. “Still not my lover Loki.”

“You Midgardians,” Loki snorted. “You obviously want each other.”

“We do not.”

“I’ve slept next to both of you-”

“We’re not having this conversation.”

It was nice being on the other end this time, “The eyes you make at each other-”

“I swear Loki-”

“I can practically taste the lust in the-” he crashed lightly into the dirt, laughs ringing loud and high as Steve picked himself up and stomped back inside. No doubt to be comforted by Bucky.

Honestly, Midgardians.


	14. Chapter 14

The watches started that next morning. Five giants were stationed in star points on the island’s beaches. They went by meal times to switch. Breakfast, they switched, lunch, supper, midnight when almost everyone wanted something to eat, then breakfast again. Loki found himself practicing spells on his own watches, casting illusions, turning rocks into tiny crabs and back again. Things that wouldn’t leave him wanting to run across the beach and back like a madman.

Four days they held watch, then midnight came with Loki snoring into Bucky’s neck and he heard the shout go up. There was a knife being flung in the direction of the noise before Loki could even open his eyes, Bucky sitting to attention, eyes scanning the dark room as more shouts went up. They were short, not even loud, which meant they barely had time to get out of the mouth before they were cut off. 

They were here. 

Loki scrambled for his boots as Bucky forgoed even that to sprint out the door and to where Steve should have been gathering meat to give to the giant he was relieving.

Loki listened, knife at his side when he got to the door, waiting for one more shout to go up before moving to his position. They were coming from the north, and since the last island before this one should have been from the south that meant Loki had been right that whoever this was had known these giants were prepared. They were trying to disorient, take them by surprise, and from the sounds of things it was working. 

He herded down the giants that wouldn’t be fighting, illusioning the top of the stairs to look like the rest of the earth. Keeping his head low, Loki blended in with his magic and waited.

With the shouts up and Bucky, hopefully, getting himself and Steve in the right places, their traps should be springing any second. 

He heard them go up, and was glad the other giants were far down enough not to hear them fail. One after one Loki heard a giant fall. It shook the ground he huddled himself inside and sent shivers racing up Loki’s skin. 

He counted, from his hiding spot, how many giants would be left. Twenty. Nineteen. Eighteen… seven. Then those seven, with Bucky and Steve in tow came racing through the trees, diving to where Loki was hidden and making it bar one that planted itself face down, spear in their back.

Loki kept his illusions up but that was all he seemed capable of doing. It took Bucky pinching him in the side for him to remember to send copies of the giants left into the trees on the opposite side as a diversion. 

Even then Loki did a poor job of it, abandoning his illusion altogether as his skin tingled once more and things started slotting into place. 

He grabbed Bucky’s arm, pulling him down into the darkness. It didn’t matter what Loki did. He could set shields up and it would amount to nothing now. So he ran, and knew that, at least, in his running he was superior. Loki had always been light footed, better to run away his friends used to joke, and, well, they weren’t wrong. 

Steve was already at the bottom when Loki and Bucky made it. He’d hitched a ride with a giant, and for good reason considering his arm was hanging off at a weird angle. Someone had fell on him, Loki learned briefly before taking his arm too and running to the first house he could find.

He pushed them to the table, climbing up the legs until the tree of them could cling just inside the lip, and hopefully out of sight. The giants, there was nothing Loki could do for them. He thought they would have a chance but, not now, and despite Steve’s want to save everyone and anyone, Bucky, Loki thanked whatever higher power there was he had Bucky, since he had preservation instincts enough that meant he would stop Steve running when the first screams went up.

Loki shot him a look just in case as the first scream did go up and Steve started tensing. Before Loki could even put voice to his want Bucky had his metal arm stretched taught across Steve’s stomach, meaning that if Steve wanted to go help, he was going to have to expose Bucky to this murderer’s eyesight too and, thankfully, there was someone in the nine realms the Captain was selfish about since he stayed. He tried to tear Bucky’s hand off but he stayed, and when Loki heard the screams far away enough he didn’t go running when Loki told them to get down.

“Back up the stairs,” Loki hissed, pushing the mortals in front of him.

They were used to walking in the shadows in their old life. They could be quiet when they wanted to be, and Loki was well versed in being sneaky too. They would need it, for while Loki had judged their hunter to be far enough into the underground village to be past their house, his aim was long enough that he could get them still if they brought their notice to him.

With silent feet, and giants falling left and right, their movements were kept quiet enough that they made it to the stairs and up enough to break out into a mad scramble. As soon as they were out Loki towed them to shore, the three of them out of breath as they yanked the small raft they’d sailed here on and set off again, back the way they came.

“Shouldn’t we be going the other way?” Steve said, eyes still on the island that wasn’t disappearing fast enough for Loki’s liking. “There’s other islands. We need to warn them. We know better now, we know how he works we can-”

“There’s no use,” Loki snapped, keeping an eye on the hand Bucky still had on Steve’s arm. All it would take was one moment of weakness and they would lose him to that massacre. “Trust me, we were vastly unprepared, and Jotunheim is no place for us to face him in battle.” Maybe once, a millenia ago when the giants were at their full strength. When their magic wasn’t so waned in their veins and the casket in the hands of a king that knew what he was doing. 

But not now. 

Jotunheim was a shell. A shell that was being slowly purged of its parasites.

“So where are we going then?” Steve demanded. “We have to help.”

“Jotunheim is lost. We’re going back, to Asgard. And from there I’m going to Vanaheim and you’re going home. Tell Fenrir if he wishes to still see me I’ll be waiting for him past the trees where the Valkyries used to train.” Hopefully Loki had showed the boy that in their past life together.

“You’re abandoning them-” Steve scoffed, “What am I saying, of course you are. Well I’m not this world-”

“Is dead. They’re dead. And so will we be if we don’t leave.” He didn’t loom, he didn’t have to loom to be intimidating, but Steve did. He had the look of a man that wasn’t used to being taller than anyone else, that wasn’t used to his looks actually coming across as intimidating as he stared Loki down, rearing up, ready to pounce if Loki didn’t say something else now. Loki didn’t want that. He didn’t want Steve leaving to his death either, mostly because Bucky would be going with him, and Loki liked Bucky, so he said, “My father isn’t one for kindness. He can’t be reasoned with, and he isn’t easily stopped. If we have any chance of saving the other realms we need to find Thor and the Vanir and figure something else out.”

He sent an extra gust to the sail, the boat going that little bit faster away from the only giants Loki ever had a civil conversation with. Probably the last giants he’ll ever see. He felt sick.

“That was your dad?” Bucky asked quietly when the island was far away enough he let go of Steve’s arm.

“Yes.” He was younger, more spritely than Loki expected. But it was him. It was definitely him.

“I thought you said he was dead,” Bucky said.

“That’s how it looked.” But he should have known. Who evaporates into dust? A dodgy sorcerer that’s who. No one died like that. Odin always claimed they weren’t Gods so shouldn’t there have been a body? 

But no. Loki was stupid enough to think Odin dead because, why couldn’t Odin die by turning to dust? Why couldn’t Odin be so powerful that he had to die the natural way?

Steve forced himself into a seat in front of Loki, fists clenched tight on his knees, “You better start talking now Loki.”

“This is all new to me too you know.”

“Loki!”

He bit his tongue, sorting his words out carefully. He started on what he did know. Odin was alive. The how of that, Loki was still sorting out, he didn’t know if Odin had died, and, somehow the fates, or Ragnarok had brought him back to life in a new body. Or, if Odin had been like that all along, younger than he posed and merely put some disguise on to make the rest of the realm believe him aging. The why was fairly simple, he wanted to look like everyone else. He wanted to blend in while still being the Allfather. He wanted enough familiarity with a people to gain their favour but enough power to keep them at arms length.

“Why fake his death?” Bucky asked.

Loki didn’t know the answer to that. Maybe, “Maybe he didn’t want to be associated with Hela.” Putting the blame on someone else had always been how he lived his life. He blamed Loki for his bad parenting. His bad decisions. Everything that went wrong he blamed someone else for it. Really, Loki hadn’t a clue why Odin faked his death, other than the ones that Loki had for when he faked his. The freedom it presented to do things without scrutiny or the responsibility to another person allowed a great many possibilities to open up.

They moved onto why Odin was doing this, and Loki had a pretty good guess about this one. “I told you, Ragnarok. It never mentioned how the other realms were destroyed, and, before, I would have said that everything was built up anew but you saw that village, you saw Asgard. Everything is buried and built again on top.”

That was what that village had been. They had been killed like these giants were, and, like the ones before them, they would be buried for the next generation of giants to live over.

“Odin must do it. Odin must start it again but-” That wasn’t what was written. That wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

They needed to get to Thor. He needed to make sure Thor was alright, that Odin hadn’t got to him before coming here. He wondered if Vanaheim was even still standing. If Alfheim or Nidavellir were. Odin had left them there in Midgard, but that wasn’t to say he had been idle. 

It took them a year to get where they were, and despite how much Loki would have liked to think desperation made them faster, as well as the fact they weren’t going village to village but straight to Utgard, it still took them eight months to trek through mountains and snow to the veil that led to Asgard.

Loki would have liked to say he was raring to go as soon as Utgard came into sight. But, well, eight months was a long time, and desperation had a way of tapering off when fatigue set in. When they finally did breach Asgard, Loki was nothing but tired, hungry, and wishing more than ever he had time for a bath. 

The others felt much the same. They hadn’t had time to do much more than rub snow across their faces before they were off again, and it showed. Steve and Bucky had never looked more Aesir than they did with their beards and long hair. Shaving took time that they could use to hunt, or walk. As did cutting hair, or changing clothes. Nights were spent sleeping as long as the little hours they allowed themselves to take, and even when they made it, even when they were in Asgard, Loki still had to trek near a day to reach the veil to Vanaheim.

At least the trek was doable overnight if he pushed himself, not double that if they were in Jotunheim. 

His feet had blisters on their blisters, and no amount of fast healing could take them away with the speed Loki kept himself going.

“Midgard is that way,” He pointed, “You have memories, figure it out.” He didn’t have time to take them back.

Nor did they wish to go back it turned out, “The fight’s with you Loki,” Steve said, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Me neither,” Bucky said. “We’ve already told you this.” Which they had, Loki just didn’t believe them. Not when Midgard and all its comforts was literally within sight. 

Loki tried pushing them harder. They shouldn’t have to die away from home. But for every push, the two of them shoved back harder until Bucky was first to walk the thin veil between Asgard and Vanaheim.

There was no need for a boat in this one. Ordinarily Loki just had to jump in a spring behind the trees and find himself emerging in a pool on Vanaheim. This time, with all the pools dried up from Sutur, they jumped in the dry dirt, the veil too thin to even think of steering them the wrong way, and spitting them out in blessedly cool water.

He climbed up the side onto the grass, feeling it under his cheek and just smelling the life that was Vanaheim. They were okay. Vanaheim was okay. 

Casting off his boots, he didn’t wait for the other two to get to their feet and flew off to find the nearest Vanir he could.

A mile away a couple were walking the meadows, and Loki must have looked quite a sight appearing in front of them, dishevelled, delighted to see someone his own size that wasn’t Steve and Bucky, and demanding them to tell him whether Thor of Asgard was here.

“Er, yes?” The man said.

“Yes? It’s simple, yes or no, be certain about your answer. Is he here?” Loki snapped.

The girl pointed southwards, taking a step back as she did so. “He’s at the encampment with the rest of the Asgardians.”

“Encampment?” 

They were getting further and further back, and Loki knew he wasn’t doing himself any favours by stalking after them. “By the whisper wood. Everyone knows that.”

He didn’t bother thanking them, they wouldn’t appreciate it. Instead, he flitted back to where Steve and Bucky were wandering around wondering where to go and told them, “This way.” Stuffing his feet back in his boots he hoped to every higher power there was a village around here with a horse. 

There wasn’t, and they had to make the whole trek on foot. But, unlike in the other realms, Loki actually knew where he was going. He knew the short cuts, and after a day he cursed in every language he knew about the blisters on his feet they saw the flicker of torchlight that promised the Vanir couple were telling the truth.

For a year and a bit, the Asgardians had done quite well for themselves. Loki could see structures, some done some not. There were stalls, a market of sorts, and while the land they were on was questionable, it was large and quiet. Enough for the Asgardians to pretend, at least, that their home wasn’t gone. Not while they were here.

Loki didn’t have to guess where Thor was. While Asgard had never been big on community, they enjoyed their feasts and bonding over campfires. In this new Asgard, that looked to have changed. In the middle of the encampment was a fire with children around it roasting slices of meat or bread. The rest milled around, talking and laughing in a way that Loki would never have believed possible in the golden realm, mainly because he’d never seen Auin who had been on his father’s council for decades even look at one of the common folk. Yet there he was, and while they were mainly women, they were certainly not nobles that he was telling some outlandish tale to.

Thor, Loki heard before he saw him, and when he did see him, not even Odin himself could stop Loki pushing people aside and leaping onto his brother’s back. “You’re alive.” Loki clung harder, his legs coming up to grab Thor’s middle.

“Loki?” He’d never heard a better sound than his name on Thor’s tongue. Nor felt anything better than Thor prying Loki’s fingers loose, and flinging him off so he could grab Loki again in a proper hug. “Loki.” He laughed, “I knew you were alive. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.”

He heard himself keen, and wasn’t remotely sorry for the kisses he planted up and down Thor’s cheeks. 

Their peace couldn’t last, and thankfully it was Steve rather than the Valkyrie as Loki heard, “Bruce!” Yelled loud enough to startle the birds and watched from Thor’s loosening hold as Steve tackled Banner, safely de-hulked, into his own hug. 

“Steve,” Thor laughed, “You’re here?”

“Bucky too,” Steve grinned, pointing over to where Bucky was standing a little out of his depth at the edge of the firepit. “But, oh God you don’t even know who Bucky is. Buck, come over here. You’ve missed so much.” 

Loki didn’t think he’d ever heard Steve so excited before, and watched from the comfort under Thor’s arm as introductions were made and hugs exchanged. Loki gladly ignored all of it as he dug his face into Thor’s shoulder, content to stay here forever as Thor had the others share out the feast they had gathered.

“You look tired,” Banner said.

“We are tired,” Steve agreed. “It’s been a long two years.”

“In the morning,” Thor told them. “I think we can all agree a night of peace is needed. And baths, no offence Loki, I love you more than anything and I’m glad you’re here but you stink. And you’re damp.” Thor fingered a piece of Loki’s hair, “Is this blood or mud?”

“Does it matter?” Loki mumbled, burrowing his face deeper into Thor’s skin. 

From the way Thor complained, it sounded like a yes, but the way he held Loki closer it was definitely a no.

He dropped off at some point, waking when his tunic came over his head, Thor doing his best to keep Loki upright as he tossed the tunic away. “Bath time,” Thor said, and like it was conjured a bath was indeed there.

“Hot?” 

“Nope,” Thor shoved Loki’s breeches down now he could stand on his own. “Cool, just like you like it. Although, you know the warm washes the dirt out better.”

Loki agreed, but he hated a too hot bath.

He dozed again, and woke much later wrapped in furs with a great blond bear of a man next to him. It wasn’t yet daylight, and for a few hours more Loki could pretend, maybe, that this wasn’t the day Loki would have to break Thor’s heart all over again.

He shuffled up the cot until Thor’s snores were in his face. He dropped his head to Thor’s chest, hearing his heartbeat, his breathing. Thor was here. He was with Thor, and for the first time in a while they hadn’t met and slapped each other silly. He slept this time until morning. 

He gladly let Thor suffocate him when he woke the next time. Namely because he knew Thor was doing it for fun, not malice, or because he was asleep. Loki knew when Thor was waiting for a rise, and right now was one of those times. 

Loki gave him the silent treatment, burrowing into his pillow while Thor squished him further into the sheets. “I know you’re awake Loki.”

“Do you now,” Loki purred. 

Thor threw himself even more bodily on top now he had a response, Loki’s shoulder hitting the bottom of the cot. Oh, he’d been here before, and Loki certainly wasn’t complaining if Thor was feeling a bit nostalgic. “I’ve missed you.”

He somehow wormed his way onto his back, nosing Thor’s chin with a breathy, “I’ve missed you too.” He really had.

The kiss, when it came, was everything Loki had been missing these last few years. Familiar, soft, and needy in a way that spoke of Thor’s desire for him. Something Loki had always had no problem reciprocating. It always reminded Loki of the first time they did this, their first kiss, to his memory. The one where Thor had caught him after Sigyn had left at last for Vanaheim. He’d been miserable, hanging about his mother’s gardens in search of something to do. Then Thor had come and told him to stop looking so glum, that he had other friends, or people Thor believed were Loki’s friends. Loki’s misery had turned to anger quickly, as it usually did when he didn’t want to feel something. 

There had been some build up. Some words spoken that Loki could recall as easily as if he were saying them now, but the main thing was that they had ended up dirty, covered in thorns and staring wide eyed, breeches around their ankles behind one of their mother’s shrubs. Loki had been worried they’d crossed a line. He’d been ready to be yelled and screamed at, to be blamed for something that was both of their faults. Then Thor had leaned over and kissed him, and just like now Loki was helpless to it. Thor, obviously, didn’t regret it, didn’t care about it, so Loki didn’t either.

Only, unlike back then, Thor didn’t grin at Loki afterwards and help him stand on shaky legs. This time, when Thor pulled back, there was the weight of their years apart standing between them, and Thor, wiser than he was back then, going back to his side of the bed with a strained, “Loki,” That spoke more than words ever could.

He swallowed heavily from his spot, biting back the urge to tell Thor to stop overthinking things because Thor was right. “We’d better find the others for breakfast.”

“Loki,” Thor grabbed Loki’s arm for good measure. “That’s not what I meant. It’s just-”

“There’s a lot more important things to think about than what we’ve done to each other,” Loki finished, “I understand.”

“I love you,” Thor insisted.

“You just don’t want to forgive me,” Loki nodded, “I told you, I understand.” It was for the best anyway. After Thor learned what Loki did there was no chance either of them would be contemplating their trysts. “Now come on, I’ve spent the last two years in Jotunheim near starving. Where’s your food?”


	15. Chapter 15

Thor got Loki the biggest breakfast he could, paired nicely with some Vanir wine Loki hadn’t realised he was missing until he took a sip. The others were awake and sitting around the now banked fire of last night. Unlike Loki, they looked to have had a pretty sleepless night, Steve yawning more than once in the vicinity of Bucky’s lap which he was continually getting closer and closer to. Banner was hovering, picking at his plate, but looking decidedly less jumpy compared to the last time Loki had seen him. 

While Loki ate, and decided to push off his news as long as possible, he asked after what he’d missed. “Not much,” Thor sighed, leaning back in his chair. “Sailing to Midgard was a chore. That ship you fetched was tearing itself to pieces Loki.”

“Next time I won’t get you one then.”

He got a little kick in the shin for that, then Thor went back on with, “The people got cranky pretty quickly. By the time we reached Midgard more than a dozen fights had broke out. Poor Heimdall spent more of his time making sure they served their time outs than he did helping us navigate.”

“It was awful,” Banner piped up. “I wasn’t even conscious for most of the way there but the things I was were awful.”

“Yes,” Thor agreed. “Then we reached Midgardian airspace and some mortal told me I had to turn around.”

Loki looked carefully at the number of people they had in their camp. There didn’t seem to be any less than there had been boarding the ship. “I take it you listened.”

“Took some convincing,” Banner said. “Especially when we heard you’d gotten there before us.”

“Yes,” Thor said again, this time with a side eye that promised Loki wasn’t going to weasel out of putting off his own story once Thor’s was done. “If it hadn’t been for Stark and Natasha verifying we couldn’t land you may have found us somewhere else.” Somewhere decidedly more dead, and something Thor was still puzzling out whether that, since they had to have told him, was just another one of Loki’s tricks. Both of them knew Loki wouldn’t be welcome on Midgard. It was only too right Thor think Loki may come up with some elaborate scheme to force Thor to settle elsewhere. “What I don’t understand is if you used the veils how it took you so long to reach us.”

“What’s Jotunheim too?” Banner asked.

“A place,” Loki said around his last mouthful, “And not really the beginning of my tale. I take it Stark mentioned he had a few hostages while he was communicating with you?”

“Some twins and Hela’s wolf,” Thor agreed.

“Yeah what the hell were you doing with that thing?” Banner barked, “Did you not see the part where it tried to kill us?”

“Wait, I thought it was your kid,” Bucky said, alert enough to pick up on Thor’s lack of familiarity with Fenrir.

“He is,” Loki said, “But, as I’ve told you, he was conceived in the time that is unknown to me. Now if you’ve all stopped with your side questions I’ll tell you what I know.” He waited a beat, Thor was known for riling Loki up one more time before letting him talk. But this time he kept quiet, so Loki started at the beginning, the real beginning, where Loki found a signature that spoke of Odin’s further deception.

They listened with a quiet ear as Loki told them what he’d figured out. How Hela had known him, Fenrir and the giants too. How there had to be a life before the one Loki knew it was born, that, he refused to believe wasn’t part of his own history. He told Thor about Farbauti and Laufey. Loki’s brothers and nephews that now had no information for him. He told them those facts, and then a theory of why Odin would take all this away from them.

It was specific, the spell Odin had used. Only limited to Asgard. Powerful, but not powerful enough to engulf the nine. Odin must have thought he only needed to control Asgard, which meant that it was only in Asgard that Loki’s secrets were contained in. “I must have found something out,” Loki supposed. “Or done something he wasn’t happy with. Fenrir mentioned we were involved,” he told Thor, which had a few mixed reactions from the men around them. “But, if Odin had truly hated the idea of it, wouldn’t he have wiped our memories sooner?” He was unsure how long him and Thor were even together in this past life. Maybe Odin only just found out. But the only way Loki could figure that Odin would need to wipe their memories if their relationship got so far as to impact the realm. Say, by marriage.

He left that trail alone for now and went onto the rest. To the book he’d found in Jotunheim with scribbles in its margins. How the tales were about them, only not them completely.

“The Edda?” Banner asked, “I know that book. We have it on earth.”

“Selvig showed it to me too,” Thor nodded. “I remember it. I thought it strange at the time, but, Loki, we did go down to see the mortals in our youth, and father used to spin tales about us to them as well. Perhaps that’s all these are.”

“Perhaps,” Loki agreed. “But I don’t really trust my memories from our youth, and don’t you think it’s strange that these stories have a slither of truth in them. I don’t mean our names, but, they predicted things that have happened. Things they shouldn’t have been able to at the time they were written.”

The bottom two legs of Thor’s chair hit the ground from where Thor had been swinging. He was starting to see the holes in his own story too.

Loki went on to the exact things he’d realised had come to pass. This mysterious Frey that they had never met. “But I bet the Vanir remember him,” Loki said, sure of it now. “Lady Freyja if no one else.” She had always been a melancholic figure around the palace. Now Loki knew why. “

Then there were the others. Jarnsaxa. “The twins that look like you Thor. They never knew their mother. Don’t remember her. There are others too. Ones, maybe, Odin took care of so he wouldn’t have the problem of dealing with their mothers in this new world he created.” Ullr, Magnus, Thrud, the twins had told Loki all about them, and it wasn’t until he’d seen the three today, looking so much like Thor, that Loki admitted to himself that Odin was that cruel as to take a babe from their mother.

Balder was next on Loki’s list. “You remember how father used to goad me about him.” Loki had never quite understood why Odin had set up this rivalry between Loki and Balder. The boy used to follow Loki around like a lost duckling, despite being older than Loki by a few years. Whenever Odin saw Balder, he used to make a point of including him in matters that should only be family, and excluding Loki from the same thing.

Loki didn’t think much of it at first. But then Odin would come to Loki on a night and say such things like, ‘perhaps if young Balder wasn’t around I would contemplate you Loki. But he is.’ He stirred the pot more and more by making Thor join incu on his game. By pushing Balder on Loki in training, and making sure the men made such horrible jeers when Loki pretended to lose to Balder. Then, and Loki to this day wasn’t even sure if it was an accident or not, one of those sparring sessions just went wrong. The men had been too rude, Odin was watching from above and Thor, well, Thor was laughing alongside his friends about how well Balder was coming along. Not Loki. Balder. 

Before Loki could blink there was a spray of blood and Balder was bleeding out from his neck. He didn’t know, to this day, whether Balder had tried to dodge Loki’s wild swipe. Whether he’d been paying attention at all to their match, or, like Loki, he was too concerned with those around him. 

Either way, the result was the same. Balder was dead, and Loki spent nearly a hundred years sleeping at the edge of his parents bed in case Balder’s corpse came for Loki’s head. Stupid logic, but Loki had thought, then, that they would do something. That his mother would hear him scream and at least try and grab him before he was dragged to Helheim. That his father may have some spell that he would reveal to repel a draugr just to get his room to himself again.

Turns out Frigga would have been the only one to do any good if Balder did come for him. 

“You have to admit it’s sounding more and more like we’re acting out some elaborate play,” Loki said. 

“But why? Why would father do this?” 

Loki had no answer to that. “I say we ask him when we see him.”

Thor huffed out a laugh, “Very funny.”

Which was when Loki got onto what else had happened in Jotunheim. The dead bodies, the village underneath the earth, Gungir that should have been in Asgard suddenly spearing itself in a few scapering giants. 

“He tricked us,” Loki said, the words sour in his mouth. “I don’t like being tricked.”

“But he died,” Thor said slowly, finally learning not to believe everything he saw. “He-”

“Poofed into dust. Quite theatrical if you ask me. I say this time we make sure there’s a body.” He was going to make sure there was. He stood, suddenly too jittery to sit there. “It makes my skin crawl just thinking of him out there. I mean, how much of this was planned Thor? How much did he let us get away with? Did my enchantment even work, or was he merely acting so I could take over Asgard? He knew, I bet he knew my being there would give him the perfect opportunity to release Hela from her prison. Magic of kings, hah, what a joke.” Mother too. Was their mother’s death part of Odin’s plan?

Thor’s head was in his hands when Loki looked over. It took a moment longer before he asked, “You’re sure Loki? You’re sure it was him?”

“I saw him. They saw him,” Loki pointed to where Steve and Bucky were watching, waiting to weigh in.

Which they did. They explained in depth, tacking on where the other failed, a description that, just had to be Odin. No one could wield Gungir with such practiced skill but Odin. Gungir itself was carved for Odin’s hands. Thor had trouble using it, even Hela, the brief time Loki had seen her with staff in hand, had seemed uneasy with it. It was a weapon fit for a God, for Odin, and Odin was who they had seen.

“He was younger though Thor. I don’t know if it’s Ragnarok rebirthing him or if it’s another trick but he’s younger and he’s Odin and he’s destroying what’s left of the nine realms. We have to do something,” he finished quietly.

“I…” Thor left.

It was a lot to take in, Loki knew, so he let Thor go. There wasn’t anywhere Thor could really go and besides, Loki had other things he needed to sort out. Like what he was going to do with the mortals. They couldn’t stay in Vanaheim. As much as Loki would have liked to keep the Hulk and two super soldiers, it was clear to him now, with Thor back safely in sight and his brain working functionally again, that Midgard would need them more.

So, “We should get you home,” he told the three of them, making plans to perhaps have the Valkyrie take them through the veils and meet back up with them in Vanaheim. She would only be gone a week. Longer if she was to bring back Sif, the twins and Fenrir. But not long enough that Odin would be done with his little massacre. 

He tried to think on where in the order of rebirth, of creation, that Vanaheim fell. Asgard was first. Then Jotunheim. They usually came about the same way, what with Jotunheim, as he’d learned, laying the foundations of some realms. Vanaheim came after Asgard and Jotunheim. Asgard was never really Asgard until after the war, when Odin created his palace on the bedrock of his victory. But the Vanir people were among the first to then roam the realms. Nidavellir was next. Then Alfheim. Midgard was last. But in terms of Ragnarok everything was written to happen at once. He was unsure how it went. It seemed almost poetic that Jotunheim was now the one to fall, which would mean Vanaheim was next. But, thinking in terms of which realm would have been destroyed first, Thor, in actuality would have reached Midgard before Odin finished destroying Jotunheim, making Midgard next to face complete desolation. 

He must have tuned out since when he did look back at the mortals the three of them were shouting at him, all of them displaying varying states of disbelief that Loki could even “Think that we’re leaving you here,” Steve finished.

“We told you, we’re staying,” Bucky said.

“Well,” Banner dithered about, “I mean, I wouldn’t object to going home, but, if you guys need me here then I’m staying. It’s not the worst place…” he mumbled to himself, fidgeting with a cape Loki just realised belonged to him. Thor was handing out his old clothes. Bastard.

It also made him slightly curious as to where Thor even found- right, orgy spaceship. “As kind as your words are, I fear your world may be in more danger than this one. If Odin sees that Midgard has not been destroyed he may well go there next. The Vanir are worthy adversaries, he’ll leave them until last,” Loki hoped. “But Midgard is full of people without your gifts. You saw how the giants fell, do you think your friends will fare any better than them?”

He received silence. 

It was hopeless, what he was asking them to do. If they had any self preservation instincts they would stay in Vanaheim and wait out Midgard’s destruction. But, Rogers and Banner were heroes, and Bucky went where Steve did, which meant they would be leaving Vanaheim as soon as Loki found them a suitable guide. Maybe he could just draw them a map and hope their ‘google’ could get Stark’s attention when they returned to Midgard. 

“What about you?” Steve demanded, “You just gonna hole up here or are you taking the fight to Odin? Cause if you are, I think that’s more important. Earth has a fifty percent chance of being left until last, and if we take care of Odin before he even thinks of checking on it then there’s no problem.”

Simple logic, yet, “It won’t be as simple as you make it out to be. My father knows magic even I am unaware of. He’s fooled men far smarter than anyone you could possibly think of. ‘Taking the fight to him’, as you say, may not give you the results you desire, and if we do fall, then I would think you would prefer to die on your home planet. I know I would.”

“You’re really worried about us,” Bucky laughed, “Listen Loki, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I couldn’t give a shit to dying on earth. That place is nothing but a bad memory to me, and I’m good at fighting. So put me to good use.”

“Noble words.” But no less true coming from Bucky. Vanaheim was the only place Loki had promised he would solace from his soldier counterpart as well. He, at least, had reason to remain here.

The others, “Fine. But you two are going. If all goes south I’ll send Bucky your way so he may join you in your last battle, but he is the only one of you I’m allowing to stay. You need to start coordinating on Midgard, and I need my son back.”

Steve puffed up just like Loki thought he would, but unlike before Loki wasn’t going to stick around and listen to him. The last thing he heard was, “You can’t just decide that,” before Bucky started murmuring something that would doubtless have Steve taking Banner back to Midgard before the day was up.

He found the Valkyrie drinking her sorrows away with the liberated slaves and a few more liberated Vanir women. Their exposed skin would have garnered Loki’s interest a few years before. Now he merely pushed past them to request the Valkyrie hear him out on a little expedition he had planned for her.

He would have to get Thor to persuade her a bit more when he cornered the man later. For now he was content to let her call him names and push onto the other person Loki needed to find.

Heimdall was waiting at the head of their encampment, the Bifrost sword across his lap and eyes staring far away as they always were. He was a happy sight, all things considered. Familiar.

He was also old enough that Loki had no problems asking, “Did you know?” And very well expecting a lie when he received a reply.

Except Heimdall seldom lied, Loki remembered, just twisted the truth or held his tongue until it was convenient for him. So, “I knew,” he said.

“And you didn’t think to warn me?”

For the first time in Loki’s life those eyes actually saw him, “You had me exiled, when would I have had time to tell you?”

“Maybe beforehand,” Loki sniffed, taking a seat next to Heimdall. He wasn’t scared, no matter what that book said. “You must have known something before this happened. Before Ragnarok. Did you know he took my memories? Did you see Jotunheim talk about me? Question what it was you were seeing? Did it not cross your mind to mention something to me that my so called father was in fact using me in a plot to destroy the nine realms and you within it?”

Heimdall stayed silent long enough for Loki to catch his breath again. “I saw little of what you think I did. Odin was clever enough to clean up after himself. The Jotnar spoke of a Loki, but they didn’t mention you. There was another, one you found in that book,” because of course Heimdall watched Loki scramble about in Jotunheim. “Odin led me to believe they were speaking about him. He was smaller than the average giant apparently.”

“Did you know?” Loki found himself asking.

“No,” Heimdall said, surprise actually on his face. Loki supposed Heimdall had rarely been surprised in his life with his gift of sight. It was nice Loki was still able to give him that feeling even now.

“They never talked about me?” Loki pressed.

Heimdall shook his head, “Not until after you fell. Odin was the one to breach it with Thor. I thought your mother may have known but, the way she reacted…”

She hadn’t known. Not until Odin told her did she know, and even afterwards she still called herself Loki’s mother.

He rubbed at his eyes, the world going a bit blurry. She’d loved him. After everything she’d loved him. She’d never pretended. 

He tried to control his breathing, yet even he didn’t have enough control for his voice not to waver as he asked, “What’s he doing? Now?” and watched as Heimdall’s eyes grew distant once more.

“He’s travelling. With the way he’s moving I would think he would be finished with Jotunheim within another year.”

A year. Not long at all. 

“He’s taking his time,” Heimdall sighed, hands going back to polishing his sword.

Taking his time. “What makes you say that?”

“He has a spell,” Heimdall explained. “One that lets him travel through reflective surfaces. I’ve seen him use it more than once through the years. If he wanted to, he could be on another island in seconds.” Yet he was travelling by boat and foot.

Let it not be said that Odin didn’t take the long road on occasion. It did pique Loki’s interest however. Enough that he spent the rest of the afternoon bothering Heimdall until the man told him the exact specifics Odin used to concoct this spell.


	16. Chapter 16

He’d completely forgotten about Thor when it came to supper, too busy he was finding something reflective to try this new spell out onto. When Heimdall did drag him to the fire, he found Thor where he’d been that morning, slumped in his chair once more, only this time talking quietly to his friends. 

There was a spare seat, one which Loki ignored in favour of perching himself next to Bucky. Old habits he supposed, unused to, these days being around so many people. That and Loki wasn’t sure Thor wanted to sit next to him right now. It really was a lot to digest, especially after the torture Thor had probably been through to get their people to where they were now.

Besides, with Steve over making nice with Thor and Banner, he was just as much the odd one out as Loki. 

The meal was good, filling in a way Loki had forgotten his stomach could be after surviving off scraps for a year. He was picking the bones clean, stomach still rumbling when he remembered the giants eating them too. 

The bone was smooth without meat on it, slender yet firm in a way that was wholly juxtaposed to its size. Bones like this were nothing to a giant. Tooth picks. To Loki they were larger, sure, but even he knew his teeth would have no problem getting through it. He’d bit through bone before. Like that time they had been captured by ogres in Nidavellir. One of them had an arm around Loki’s neck, and with his knives too far away and his magic not strong enough to conjure just yet he did what anyone would do in that situation and fought as dirty as he could. He’d been surprised when his teeth had ripped as deep as they had. That they had even found themselves stuck, and that it had been the ogre that was afraid of Loki by the end of that encounter.

That was self defence however. This, the bone in his hand, would be intentional. It would be almost like giving in he supposed. Accepting. 

He took a bite, the bone giving way easily beneath his teeth. It wasn’t wholly repulsive, and agreed pleasantly with his stomach.

“What?” Bucky barked quietly next to him, eyes too fixed on the bone in Loki’s hand.

“Just thinking. I’ve never eaten a bone before.”

Bucky’s brow lowered, pointing out, “I’ve seen you eat bone a tonne of times.”

“That was different.” He’d been in different forms then. Ones that were made to stomach anything they could get their teeth into. Not this form, the one that had been Aesir. Normal to him. This one had never tasted bone on its tongue. “It’s stupid but, maybe accepting that I’m a monster isn’t the worst thing to ever happen to me.”

The giants he met weren’t wholly repugnant. They weren’t warlike or savage. They didn’t long to leave a trail of his entrails for others to find. They were people, just like any other race, and sure their skin was a different colour but so was Heimdall’s and Loki didn’t see him as a monster. He supposed the mindset would still be something he would have to wrap his head around, teach himself that it wasn’t the end of the world that he was a Jotun, because it wasn’t. He was okay, and if anything the monsters Loki had been taught to fear as a child weren’t the true evil of the nine realms. No, that went to Odin, and if they had any hope of living through this then it was best to make his peace with what he knew of himself while he could. If only for survival.

After all, is his Jotun genes allowed him some benefits the Aesir didn’t possess then perhaps that may be an advantage they could use in time to come.

There was a beat as Loki took another bite, Bucky letting it settle in his stomach once more before agreeing that “It’s not. Trust me.” And from what Loki knew he more than anyone here may have the credentials to say so.

The evening passed and Loki wound up back in Thor’s corner of new Asgard once more, the two of them side by side in bed, both eyes at the ceiling as they fought for something to say in the silence.

“I’m sending your friends home,” Loki said at last. “Except Bucky. I promised him the Vanir would help him.”

Thor hummed, “I heard.”

Loki’s tongue twisted in his mouth as he fought out, “Fenrir is coming back with the Valkyrie. The twins too.” And Loki hadn’t even thought to wonder what Thor thought of that. He had children. Real, living children he had no memory of. If Thor was anything it was loving, and to even think of denying a man like Thor of his children was nothing short of evil. It killed Loki to think of everything Thor had missed out on, or even forgotten. 

It wasn’t like they had their mothers either to make up for Thor’s loss. No. Odin had taken care of any connection to Thor in the hopes they either wouldn’t turn his head again in this new world, or make some half hoped attempt to claim their children to the crown prince and hit too close to something Odin wanted kept a secret.

“Fenrir?”

Loki blinked a few times as he focused back on the question. “Oh, the wolf. Hela’s wolf. Well, my wolf. It er, turns out he’s my son.”

“Your son’s a wolf?” Loki could hear the frown from where he was lying.

“Don’t ask me how, and when he gets here you had best be nice to him. I’m not joking Thor, I will beat you bloody with Heimdall’s sword if you so much as try and say something upsetting to Fenrir.” He wasn’t going to upset the boy. As soon as he set foot on Vanaheim Loki was taking him to the capitol where the mages worked and asking them to do something while he worked out how to break into the locked library. Things were so much simpler when his mother was around.

“You know that wolf ate people right?”

“Three of them,” Loki nodded. “He told me.”

“And was it him that told you he was your son…”

“He is,” Loki insisted. “I saw it in his memories. He’s mine Thor.”

“Okay,” Thor placated, hands up. “He’s your son.” They dropped back to the covers. “Was it father that made him a wolf?”

“N-” no, he was going to say, but, quite frankly Loki didn’t know, and, well, it did sound like something Odin would do. “I don’t know,” Loki landed on. “He’s a child so I don’t… think so? But, maybe he saw something he wasn’t supposed to.”

“And what? You gave him to Hela for protection?”

“Yes.” Actually, that made sense. If Loki had an inkling to what Odin had planned, if he knew even a little about what Ragnarok would entail, the supposed torture that was to happen, then surely he would try and protect Fenrir from that, and what better place to protect a wolf from being chained than by giving him to death itself. Better to die than to live in torture Loki always thought. Yet here he was, coward to the end. “Well, I mean, I think that was the plan. That reminds me, he doesn’t like you very much.”

“Obviously,” Thor snorted, then Loki could feel the from returning as Thor turned on his side, “Wait, why?”

Loki sought his eyes out in the darkness, “Because you killed him.” The memory wasn’t there, Loki could tell, but it had happened, he’d feel it happen to Fenrir. “You struck him with mjolnir until his head caved in. He’s terrified of you.”

Thor had actually struck a lot of people with mjolnir when she was still around, so he knew the kind of death Loki was describing. “I…” he also knew the pain, and how prolonged it could get if Thor simply left them with half of their skull dented. Their history had never been peaceful, but even Loki had to turn away sometimes when Thor left someone like that. There was something so pitiful about it. “Loki-”

“I’m bringing him to Vanaheim,” Loki said before Thor. “I’m going to help him. He’s trapped in that form and I know there’s a spell to help him here. All I’m asking is that you don’t interfere. That you keep your distance. I know it wasn’t the you we remember but it was you all the same to him Thor, and I love you but I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t have time to hurt him.” Since that was what it came down to. If these were his last few years or months before Odin dragged them all through Ragnarok then Loki was going to make sure Fenrir was cared for. It was the least he could do for the boy. He’d never thought himself the paternal type before, and wasn’t sure he could really label himself that now. But he did understand responsibility, and he’d brought Fenrir into this world so he would damn well make sure the boy didn’t have to suffer because of that choice. Not anymore.

Thor, thankfully, felt much the same. He had children of his own now after all. A funny thing. So he nodded and promised as best he could. 

“I seriously hate him,” Thor remarked after a while, and there was no question as to which ‘him’ Thor was referring to.

“He’s definitely a piece of work.”

The mortals and the Valkyrie set off after breakfast. With map in hand and weapons strapped to her waist she had been briefed, and Loki threatened with castration if this didn’t work until she was somewhat satisfied she would get out this adventure alive. The others said there goodbyes Loki present for it, polishing off the sweet berries Thor had handed over at some point as Thor and Bucky hugged their respective mortal and watched them trudge away and away from them. Naturally Steve look back every other step to where his comrade stood, Bucky hardened enough to roll his eyes or wave depending on how heartbroken Steve looked that time, anything to stop the man from turning back and never leaving Bucky’s side.

Only when they were out of sight did Bucky deign to attempt stealing one of Loki’s berries. “When are we going to these magic people then?”

“As soon as the Valkyrie returns with my son.” He swatted off another attempt at pilfering his gift. If Bucky wanted some he could get his own. “Until then, how about I show you the wonders of Vanaheim. There are some pools not far from here we could be there and back to by noon.”

“You wanna go swimming?” With me was left unsaid.

“It’s definitely better than sitting here waiting.” Not to mention he had nothing better to do. “Thor’s busy with the rebuilding effort this morning, which means I’m all yours, and since Jotunheim was… shall we say not the best, how about I show you the true beauty of an alien world?”

He held his hand out, expecting Bucky’s when it came a few moments later. “You know if you just said I stink I would have taken a bath,” he said, yet followed along when Loki moved off.

The pools Loki mentioned were situated all around Vanaheim. It was a naturally warm realm, situated so near, as it was, to Muspelheim. The pools ranged from blessedly cool to volcanic in nature, and in their youth Loki and Fandral had made sure they knew which were which. Loki so he could have some alone time, Fandral for quite the opposite. 

The one Loki led them to now was just beyond the whisper wood. It wasn’t too hot, tepid really, but it would do for both of them in the stifling heat Vanaheim produced. It wasn’t too large, the pit situated in the northern lip of the whisper wood. Nor too deep, which meant Loki wouldn’t be making any saves today.

They basked for hours, Loki drifting in and out, just forgetting the stress of the last few years, and he could see Bucky doing the same. Loki didn’t think he’d seen Bucky this relaxed since Wakanda, and what a lifetime ago that felt. 

“Do they have farms in Vanaheim?” Bucky asked after a while.

“Farms? What kind of farms?” He’d encountered far too many in his long life.

“You know, crops, animals, getting up at the crack of dawn because one of your goats managed to get itself onto the roof of your house and refuses to come down without a fight.”

Ah, those kind of farms. “Don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the little residence my brother is building is very much a farm.” He’d seen more animals than Aesir roaming around their parts, and more being bought every day. There was a patch of land just behind Thor’s bunk that was ready to be seeded any day now. They were very much a farm. 

Bucky hummed, one eye peeking open, deliberating, before closing again. “I had goats back in Wakanda.”

“Right.”

“They er, they lived in heat like this.”

“Uhuh,” he was starting to see where this was going.

“And er, if the Vanir are gonna fix me, it might take a while.”

“Doubtless.”

“Do you think, maybe, I could… stay?”

“And bring your goats with you,” Loki finished. “I don’t see why not.” He wouldn’t disturb the peace. Not like his friend Steve would, but if Steve had Thor to vent his frustrations at mundane life and injustice out, Loki didn’t see why it would be a problem. “This is all if we live through Ragnarok but, should you ask Thor, he shouldn’t have a reason to deny your request. You’ll have to barter with T’challa for the goats however. But if you don’t get them I know a few merchants that will gladly sell me some kids.”

The silence was happier after that. It must have been weighing on Bucky’s mind for a while what he was going to do here. He knew he was here to heal, but in his spare time, what, he thought Loki expected him to just sit there in a daze? He wanted a place here, Loki would give him one. He wanted goats that could help their growing community, maybe make some spare money with milk and cheese, why not. It made sense.

The only thing was that it would take a while to set up. After all this drama died down, and who knew when that would be, of if they would even be around for it, T’challa may not have those goats anymore. There would also be transporting them here… Asgard would be clear for a few months more, maybe Loki could send one of the more expendable people in new Asgard. One of those former slaves maybe, like that one that speaks too much, what was his name, Krock or something.

“Do they have to be your goats?” Loki asked after a moment.

Bucky made a noise telling Loki that no matter what he said next, he wanted his goats. “I mean, no, but, it would be nice.”

He sighed back into the cool water, “I’ll do my best.”

They lounged around the rest of the day, sunbathing at the pool, or going back and napping like cats in the sun. Loki was woken every now and then by children running over him. Some of them like Alaric, who wasn’t a child by any means now, but Loki would always remember that tiny boy that followed him around when he was younger, he was busy running after his own brood and apologising every time he stepped over Loki.

He wanted to be mad, but Alaric looked so much like his father, if not in gait than in looks, that it was difficult to look at his face and not be reminded of the loss. “Just make sure they jump next time,” Loki shouted after him when Alaric stopped again to apologise to his siblings and children of his own. They kept falling on him. It was like they weren’t even bothering to avoid him. He thought being known as the Jotun prince meant he would be given a wide berth.

Apparently not.

They relocated to the fire pit when it got dark. Thor joined them with plates in hand and dirt on his arms. “Farming?” Loki guessed.

Thor hummed in agreement. “Hopefully we’ll have something in the way of vegetables before the year is out.” 

With Thor’s fertility powers maybe before that. 

“What have you been up to? I heard Alaric shout at you a few times.”

“Warn me,” Loki corrected. “I’ll have you know I’ve not done one mischievous thing since getting here.”

Thor scoffed, both of them knowing how rare such a thing was. But it was the truth. Kind of. If Loki had gotten sick of being trampled and left a double in his place, lying in wait for those children to come again only to pounce and deliver them to their older brother then that was only for him to know and Bucky to keep his mouth shut about. 

“When will the others be back then?” Thor asked, smartly keeping his own opinions on Loki’s day to himself. 

“Few days there, few days back. No more than two, two and a half weeks.” They didn’t have Loki’s magic guiding the way after all. But they did have the phone Loki had Steve keep and Banner charge up that could guide Stark once they were back. 

“A long time,” Thor said.

“I’m sure we’ll find some way to fill the time.”

Thor gave him an appraising look, “Quite right you are Loki. Starting with you pulling your weight. You’ve had your rest, time to get your fingers dirty.”

“But…” He’d only just got the dirt out of his nails. “I don’t want to farm. Make Bucky do it, he was volunteering before.”

“And he will,” Thor agreed. “But you have to do something too.”

“Then I’ll start making waves in the political climate. We have to start making some headway with the Vanir’s. It’s impressive that you’ve managed to get this piece of dirt to settle on, but we both know they only gave it to you because they hate the whisper wood themselves. Let me go to the nobles, make some speeches, sing your praises and-”

“And we’ll be living in a palace again in no time, I know. And it sounds wonderful but, Loki, we have the chance here to truly start again, and, maybe we’ll have to talk with the Vanir at some point. But don’t we owe it to ourselves to see what we could make on our own?” Thor would always be that adventurous boy who preferred endless fields to stifling castles. He would feel right at home living in the outdoors, with the sky over his head and nature at his feet. His powers fit in here. Felt at ease, and Loki knew enough about how annoying magic could be when it didn’t settle right.

“Fine,” Loki sighed. “But we still need to make headway with the Vanir. They’ll want to know what’s going on. They may even have a solution to stopping Odin.”

“I know.” Thor nodded, “Which is why you’re going to talk to them when you take Bucky to see their healers. Until then, you’re pitching in, no arguments.”


	17. Chapter 17

He grumbled the rest of the evening and well into the next morning when Thor handed him a sack of seeds he’d traded one of his buckles for. Handmade trowel in hand, and mother’s teachings in both their heads, the two of them sowed seeds along the long divots Thor had made for days to come. Bucky got the easier end of the stick. When Loki mentioned, stupidly, that first night that he was probably going to ask Thor in person at some point about staying and maybe bringing his goats to new Asgard, Thor decided his experience with animal care meant he could help the others with their new purchases. Bucky got to milk cows, goats, feed chickens and not stand in a field waiting for Thor to finish delicately planting one seed at a time while he roasted in the sun. Something Loki got more and more bitter about when he came to the fire one evening with sunburn all down his back. 

“But you heal quickly,” Thor protested that evening, as Loki thrust a ‘liberated’ bottle of lotion into his hands.

“And I’m in pain now. Since it’s your fault, you deal with it.” He lay down on the bed before The could complain more.

He really was in pain. Heat had never been his friend, and at least Loki now knew why. On Asgard he would avoid it by simply not staying outside too long. Other places there was usually shade of some kind to help him out. In Vanaheim, not wanting to upset Thor, there was no hiding.

So Loki shed his tunic and lay down, happy to have his back and feet rubbed when he shoved them onto Thor’s lap.

“Poor Loki,” Thor cooed as he avoided a kick to the face, grabbing Loki’s foot again to give it another tickle. “All burnt after a hard days work.”

“I’ve worked hard,” Loki hissed. “You seem to forget you weren’t the only one helping mother out. Or the farms at the edge of the city.” He used to like helping out at the stables, the horses at the edge of the city much more pleasant than those Odin had trained for the palace. In return for letting Loki linger around, he helped out a few times here and there.

“You used to be so kind,” Thor continued with another tickle.

“I’m still kind.” He got Thor that time, right in the jaw. 

Thor grabbed it again before Loki could get another hit in, planting a big wet kiss on Loki’s ankle that drained the fight right out of him. His foot landed limply to the bed, Thor crawling up until he could lie on Loki’s stomach. “I’ve missed you.”

“Missed you too,” Too much. 

There was a beat of silence. “Are we going to talk about it?”

“Talk about what?”

Thor crawled up a little further, ear over Loki’s heart now and very much not in a platonic position. “New Asgard, new everything Loki.”

“You want to bury the past?” Since Odin proved how effective that was.

“Not bury,” Thor said. “Move past. We’ve both done something to hurt the other, and until we got to earth… I didn’t even think you were alive Loki. I mean, I hoped you were, you’ve defied the odds more times than I ever thought possible but I didn’t know. And I promised if you were, if I saw you again, then we’d sort something out. At least make it so we can be friends again. I’ve missed that.”

“Me too,” Thor had been his best friend for, all his life really. It had been hard, in those early days, when something bad happened, not to turn to Thor, who wasn’t even there, and ask his opinion on it. Maybe share a joke. A hug. “You have no idea.” The only problem was Loki didn’t know if they were capable of moving away from the past. “Are you really going to just move on from it though? I’ve tried to hurt your friends, I banished father, which, at this point I’m not too sore about.” 

Thor hummed in agreement.

“The point is that I’ve done things that you haven’t been able to move past before. What makes now different?”

Thor shifted his head slightly, Loki moving the lock of hair that had attached itself to his eyelashes. “What you don’t seem to understand Loki is that I’ve always been able to look over the things you’ve done. Did I not call you brother even after you killed those eighty mortals?”

He had.

“We’ve both done worse. We’ve both also forgave each other after we’ve done worse. It’s not up to me to make this attempt now Loki. You’re the one that holds onto grudges.”

“For good reason,” Loki tried. But even he knew that some of the things he’d done had been for nothing more than trivial slights people had made against him. Like his father’s servants, he sent them on goose chase after goose chase, installing his own servants in their stead simply for the fact they used to spy on him when Odin was still around. The smarter thing would be to keep them installed, but pettiness and power went to his head and he just, didn’t. “I see what you mean,” Loki sighed after a moment. “And it’s not letting go of the past that worries me. What if I mess this up? What if I do something again and we end up fighting and-”

“And what if we end up back here, both of us talking in circles about something we don’t even know might happen,” Thor huffed. “You think too much Loki. Always have.” He shifted himself to his elbows, Loki able to look at those stupidly pretty eyes as Thor said, “I want us to be on the same side again Loki. Even if we’re marching to our deaths I want to die knowing my brother was with me, that he trusted me enough to let me march at his side. Can you give me that?”

“I…” The urge to say no, just because Loki probably will say something or do something that will have them at each others throats was strong. But, well, he was always weak when it came to Thor, and ended up nodding.

He kicked Thor off him at some point through the night. Still he was sweating by the time he woke in the morning and vowed there and then to find some way to cool their little hut down even if he had to slather the whole thing in ice.

Bucky, Loki had actually forgotten he was alone these days, didn’t look like he’d slept much when they met up at breakfast. There were circles under his eyes and fatigue about him that told Loki maybe a day sneaking off to the pools would be in order. “Have you named your new goat?” Loki asked, gauging whether Bucky was awake enough to even make more in depth conversation.

“Steve.” Something Loki wasn’t sure was a name of Bucky merely repeating Steve’s name while his brain woke up.

“I see,” Loki said delicately.

“He’s a little asshole,” Bucky muttered so, not so dead to the world after all. “Chewed my shoe. I’m gonna have to get some of those fancy boots you wear now aren’t I?”

“Probably,” Loki grinned, imagining Bucky donned up in Vanir fashion. “It’s not as uncomfortable as you imagine.”

A throat cleared behind them, Thor hovering behind Loki’s chair with some berries in hand.

“Yes?” Loki asked when Thor still dithered.

“Can I sit with you?”

“Huh?” Oh, right. No Steve or Banner, and with the others gone… yes, Loki supposed Thor was just as lonely in this new Asgard as Loki. Well, as Loki would have been had Bucky not been there. “Of course.”

Thor perched himself in such a way that Loki was often the one to do so. Right on the edge, just in case he needed to make a quick exit. Like he wasn’t sure he would be welcome. It was odd being on the other end of things.

“Bucky was telling me about his new goat. Thank you for getting him one.” 

Thor had begged off work for an hour, leaving Loki to toss seeds about yesterday on his own. He was mad, up until the point he saw Thor handing over a rope harnessed goat to Bucky. 

“Yeah he’s great,” Bucky said, sitting up a little straighter now. “Adorable.”

Not what Bucky was saying before, but Loki wasn’t going to point that out. Instead he got the focus off Bucky before Thor scared the man off. “So what are you doing today then Thor? Planting? Bothering me?”

“Actually,” Thor said, grinning at the bothering Loki comment. “I was going to ask Thrud if she wanted to come to the Vanir market with me. I have some time to make up for if they truly are… and I’m not going to pretend they’re not if they are but-”

“Right,” Loki said before Thor could dig a hole for himself. “Well, good luck with that.” Loki for one, if Thor was taking a day to himself, was going to burrow himself in the coldest pool he could find and sleep off his sunburn. So long as he didn’t open his mouth that was. He’d done that before, mistakenly ask if that meant he was getting a day off. It was why his back was still pink this morning. “You’d best go quickly if you want to get there before the rest of the city wakes. You know the good stuff goes early.” 

If Thor was looking to impress his so called daughter he really had better hurry and Thor knew so as he dumped the berries onto Loki and ran off in the direction of three familiar looking Aesir.

“So, pool?” Loki proposed.

“Please,” Bucky begged, following Loki happily to a pool that was possibly steaming. Only, instead of boiling their toes, it soothed Loki’s and sent Bucky back onto the edge of the grass with a hiss.

He breached it eventually. Only for a few moments. Then he spent the rest of the morning napping alongside it, Loki joining him at some point.

That was how it went really. Loki skiving where he could. Farming when he couldn’t. At one point Loki found himself facing two boys that looked eerily similar to Thor and a girl that had some features, but was far prettier than anything Loki thought Thor could produce alone.

“They er, wanted to meet you,” Thor explained, hovering at their backs, giving Loki a reproaching look. “This is Thrud,” Thor pointed out, as if Loki didn’t already know their names or have to listen to Thor talk about them endlessly when he spent the whole day with them. While he may not have known them in their youth, Loki was glad to see them giving him a chance now and one he was definitely taking. “And Magnus,” the boy Loki definitely knew. “And this is Ullr. He’s the, oldest?”

Ullr nodded. “I think Magni and Modi were born after me.” And wasn’t that the reality of it all. They didn’t even know who was older because Odin had erased their past and their mothers from their lives. Loki doubted they even knew when their birthdays were.

“It’s nice to meet you all anyway,” Loki nodded, “And good to see you again Magnus. He was in a few of my plays,” he told Thor before the oaf could butt his head in. “Quite a voice on this one.”

“You liked those things?” Thor muttered.

Magnus grinned, “I thought they were great. Especially the one about mjolnir being stolen.”

Loki ran just as the clouds started joining together overhead. “You wrote a play about that?” Thor boomed, Loki cackling as he hid himself away the rest of the day.

He still got grief for it, Thor roughhousing him later when Loki came out for something sweet.

However, their two weeks had to end at some point, and they did with shouts going up and people scrambling away and around the wolf that was barrelling top speed towards Loki. He was pinned beneath a happy tongue as Fenrir whined and squirmed in elation. Loki didn’t understand a lot of what Fenrir was trying to tell him, but, since he seemed happy, and looked unhurt, Loki gathered his time in Midgard was spent pleasantly, if a bit lonely.

“Loki!” He was pinned again before he could even think to get up, two heavy weights squeezing him tight.

“Prince Loki we’re so happy you’re alive,” Modi, or was it Magni? Loki couldn’t tell from the ground.

“Tony kept coming up with imaginative ways he thought you might have died-”

“Clint too-”

“And we know you’re tough-”

“Obviously-”

“But, it’s still a little worrisome, you know.”

“Especially when that Hulk guy came and told us you’d been back to Jotunheim.”

“What were you thinking!”

“Alright up,” Loki huffed, he couldn’t do this blindly. “All of you, up.” He dusted himself off, noting the Asgardians peering around their huts as they waited to see how badly he was hurt. “Now, you two, your siblings are somewhere over there, I suggest you show them you’re still alive before interrogating me. After that, I think you should talk to Thor-”

“The king?” Mod, definitely Modi this time. “Why? Are we in trouble?”

“Don’t see how,” Magni mumbled, “Unless he heard about the mortals.”

Mortals? 

Loki shooed them off. From the looks of things Magni was meaning something along the lines of romance, and Loki didn’t have the strength to hear about it right now. Not when Fenrir was bouncing behind him, waiting to pounce again. So he sent them off with strict orders to see Thor after their siblings and turned to accept another hug from Fenrir.

He took Fenrir away from the camp when he saw Thor make a few pantomiming orders towards him. They took a tour of the surrounding fields, Loki letting Fenrir run freely or sit and lie in the sun while Thor tried to make peace between Fenrir and the Asgardians that had seen Fenrir eat three people.

It must have worked, or, as Loki found out, everyone barricaded themselves into their homes since they weren’t met with swords and shields when they returned. Quite the opposite as Bucky came over to give Fenrir a tentative stroke and the twins, looking much more sombre now they’d talked to Thor, rub Fenrir down. He got his ears scratched, his stomach tickled, and a nice big meal when Loki returned with a Vanir stag.

Thor kept his distance, as promised. Yet, when night came, they couldn’t avoid Thor in their hut. While the others, Thor’s children, were all grown and had their own hut to go back to, Loki hadn’t thought much of separate accommodation which meant they were at a bit of a stalemate when it came to bedding down. Fenrir was already growling, hackles raised when he saw Thor stripping his boots off, which meant negotiation was out of the question tonight.

“Why don’t we find a nice tree to sleep under?” Loki suggested, “I’ll teach you the constellations.” Which was a good enough incentive tonight, but not forever.

Thankfully, the next day, once Fenrir had rested a while, and Loki avoided work again in favour of looking after their new guest, he sought Bucky out and told him to pack a bag. Gathering some weapons himself and stealing one of Thor’s blankets he met up with Bucky at the edge of the camp.

“Healers?” Bucky asked, a smile that was more of a grimace on his face. No, Loki supposed, Bucky wouldn’t be excited about having someone look at his head.

Still, “Healers,” they would be doing him good. 

Fenrir didn’t complain nearly as much as Loki thought he would. Then again, Fenrir hadn’t walked as far as Loki to get to Vanaheim in the first place. Not to mention his feet were bigger, his one step for every Loki’s seven.

The capitol, when they got to it, was just how Loki remembered. Great large beautiful hills and trees with buildings built into the living nature of this world. The flowers were in bloom, they were always in bloom, and here, more than anywhere else, Loki felt at ease.

The healers were advertised everywhere. Vanaheim embraced their magic, so Loki had the pick of any healer he came across to help his friend. Fortunately, Loki had some experience with the healers in Vanaheim, which meant he didn’t have to spend all day humming and harring over who to pick. He straightened his tunic up, and made sure he had a winning smile on his face as he knocked on the door with the healing rune inscribed into it.

Sigyn answered with her usual dead eyed look, only quirking an eye at the company he kept. Loki supposed he’d come to her with worse over the years. “What is it this time then?” She asked.

“Einherjar,” Loki pointed to Bucky, “And a shapeshifting spell.” Fenrir this time.

She looked both of them over before stepping aside, “Come in then.”

“You look well,” Loki made sure to tell her, avoiding the half hearted slap when it came his way. “I mean it.”

“I know you do which makes it worse.” She pointed to some chairs, Bucky happily taking a seat while Loki followed her to the back room where the healers were working. “We have two new ones out front.” She herded Loki back outside when they told her they’d get right on it, not looking happy at all to be in Loki’s company.

“Come on, you’re not still mad about the library are you?” While not a healer, or even a practitioner of magic, she had ingrained herself into the community quite nicely. Which had worked out rather well the last time Loki had been here without his mother accompanying him. He’d wanted to get into the library, and being seen with a girl that was known as someone ‘plain’ and ‘boring’ helped him blend in quite nicely while he picked the locks. “I said I was sorry. We weren’t even caught.”

“That wasn’t the point,” Sigyn huffed. She relaxed slightly, the fight going out of her like it always did. She liked him, even after everything he did. “You never come here just to see me.”

“Didn’t think you wanted me to,” Loki admitted. “Not after Balder.” The reason she came to Vanaheim in the first place. While they had never been together, not in that way, Sigyn had loved Balder like the rest of Asgard, and simply couldn’t stay there anymore when the poor boy was murdered. She managed to forgive Loki, after a while, but things had never been the same between them.

“You’re a complete pain Loki, I hope you know that,” She sighed, not one to dig up the past. “Come on, you can tell me all about your adventures over cards.”

Taking the peace offering Loki gasped, following her to her little table she kept most of her bookings and winnings at, “You mean you’re not working? For shame.”

“Like you’ve done a hard days work in your life.”

It was easy, sitting there, pretending he couldn’t hear the ruckus in the next room. The sounds of screams and muffled cries as Bucky relived everything those mortals had put him through. It was even easier when he was given a book to look through, the healers well versed on his level of magic, and figuring Loki could do some looking himself if he wanted his wolf changed on top of helping Bucky.

“No I can’t just wave my hand at you,” He told Fenrir for the seventh time. “Magic doesn’t work like that.”

Fenrir grumbled a little more. He’d been made to stay outside when he didn’t fit inside. Loki had placated him so far with rubbing his nose and slipping him little cups of Vanir wine. He hoped the wine wouldn’t catch up with Fenrir.

Fenrir was the easier of the two to sort out. There were a whole host of shape changing spells, and Loki knew quite a lot of them, it was just making sure the one he chose was, firstly, permanent, and, secondly, not going to harm Fenrir. When he’d changed people into animals before it had always been some kind of punishment, he’d never had the need to do it simply because it was what they wanted.

When he did find one, he gave Fenrir one last belly rub and had Sigyn hold the book as he recited the spell. The whole thing was anticlimactic in the sense that it was much like any other animal transformation. There was a shimmer of green light, and, like Loki had seen himself do so many times before in the mirror, Fenrir’s large bulk shortened down into something much shorter than what Loki was expecting.

He knew, Fenrir was still a child, but, he didn’t know how old he would be. It made sense, now, looking at him, that he would be the age he was. Thor had killed him, which meant his body had stopped aging. He hadn’t been alive in Helheim, at least, Loki didn’t think so. Still, seeing how young he was, how young he’d been when his head had been caved in, it brought something foul to Loki’s throat.

In Midgardian years he’d be no more than ten. His skin was pale, and hair dark, really he looked how Loki thought he might have as a child. Skinny too in a way that spoke of not being fed enough when he had been alive. His eyes were the only thing that was odd, really on Fenrir in this form. They were the same ones he had when he was a wolf, red, Jotun eyes. Other than that he looked Aesir. He was certainly Aesir sized, smaller than average actually. 

Normal.

“Fenrir?” Loki said quietly, approaching slowly to the boy that was currently trying to work out how to move his limbs. “It’s alright. It’s going to take a bit of getting used to.” he wasn’t a natural born shifter. He didn’t feel the shivers in his veins when he’d stayed in one form too long. For Fenrir, changing was weird, and would likely sit oddly with him for weeks while he acclimatised to his new form. “Now listen to me,” he nudged the boys head up, that too seeming a bit too light for Fenrir now as he almost crashed into the dirt behind him, saved only by Loki’s fast hands, “Listen. I don’t care, okay, I don’t, if you tell me that you’re unhappy like this I can change you back. All I ask is that you give this body a chance, a few weeks, and if you want to be a wolf again then I’ll make you one. It really doesn’t matter. What does is that you’re happy.” He wouldn’t force Fenrir to be something he wasn’t. He knew what that was like himself and certainly wouldn’t wish it on anyone else, especially his own son. Still, “Just give it a chance,” because while Fenrir was confused and unhappy now, he may not be when he settles in his body, and changing him back now would only deny Fenrir of the chance to find out, truly, which form he prefers.

He dragged Fenrir inside when it looked like the boy could do nothing more than flop around. Bucky was still screaming, and likely would be for some time, but now Fenrir was of an easier size Loki had something else to focus on instead of wondering just what they were unravelling back there.

First thing Loki worked on was getting Fenrir’s head to support itself on his new neck. He put the boy between his legs, resting Fenrir’s back against Loki’s chest, and, more importantly, his head. It flopped occasionally from side to side but the more Loki helped the easier Fenrir found it to regain some control over it.

Sigyn grabbed the dice, rolling it out between them, making a game of chance whether they would land higher or lower than they had before. Fenrir had nothing to gamble with, thankfully, but Sigyn didn’t care, rewarding both of them with sweet fruits if Fenrir guessed right.

It was both a distraction and a tactic to help Fenrir. With something else to occupy his mind, Fenrir wasn’t too concerned about overthinking what to do with himself. By nightfall, thanks to Sigyn, Loki could feel the control Fenrir had gradually gained on his neck.

He still couldn’t hold it upright without help, but he could keep it still, and any progress was better than none.

They stayed at the healing house, in Sigyn’s rooms at her request. She tossed them furs and kicked Loki in the back one too many times but generally was as good a host as she always was. Fenrir fell asleep quickly, thankfully, but woke early, still immobile in Loki’s arms, the only movement he was capable of a few blinks and his fingers jerking at the furs, stroking them Loki knew had they had some control over them.

They focused more on Fenrir’s neck that day. The day after too. “Babies have to start with the neck too,” Loki told him when he could see the visible frustration starting on Fenrir’s face at his immobility. “You think they run as soon as they’re out of the womb?” Well, actually, Fenrir may have, he wasn’t too sure. But Aesir babies couldn’t and Loki was going to pretend that was the extent of his knowledge on the subject. “No, they hold their heads up first. Then they crawl, then they walk, then they talk. It’s slow, but they get there in the end. As will you.”

Fenrir was still unhappy. The longer Loki left him with nothing to do the angrier he grew. So Loki didn’t leave him with nothing to do. The boy liked to learn, so Loki taught him things. He brought Fenrir books and sat him in Loki’s lap where he could see the pages, and with his finger guiding them he went through genre after genre until they came to a book Fenrir liked.

At meal times they initially had to grind up everything they were given, even the fruits from the day before. At least until Fenrir decided that chewing was one thing he was going to get a handle on if nothing else. Loki found him working tirelessly, even as they read, moving his jaw and gnashing his teeth until next meal time where he made a noise that stopped Loki from grinding up his venison and held his jaw out like a baby bird. 

It was slow progress considering Fenrir did indeed think he would be able to run around and talk straight away when he changed into this new form. But, by the time the week and a half was up, and the healers were demanding money from Loki Fenrir could move his arms and legs enough to shuffle himself around and keep himself upright. He couldn’t stand. Nor could he walk, but his head turned now with purpose, and the other day Loki saw him grin and that more than anything made Loki believe they were on the right track.

“How are you feeling?” he asked his other patient. The one currently staring into nothing. He turned to the healers currently counting their coins, “How is he?”

“Fine,” One of them said.

“As fine as he’s going to get,” another corrected. “He’ll be a little out of it for a while, but the control the mortals had on his mind is completely gone. I suggest teaching him how to shield himself when he comes around. Other than that, make sure he’s got company, exercise and stays away from sharp objects for at least a month.”

Good news then.

Or, it should have been. Considering both Bucky and Fenrir were now out of it he needed a plan that didn’t mean he would have to drag them back individually back to camp.

Luckily, Thor’s little talk with Loki about kissing up to the nobles came to mind. Taking a quick bath, and stealing some of Sigyn’s oils, he made himself pretty and plastered on his most pitiful look as he knocked on the door of the nobles estate.

As the well known Loki, Jotun or not, he easily bartered his way inside, and earned himself a nice little entourage as he introduced his son to the ladies of court. Everyone liked a family man.

Bucky slept off his mind rape in the room Loki was given. Loki on the other hand, with Fenrir in tow, did his best to charm everyone he came into contact with, and maybe make life a little easier on Thor for when he got back.

A few discounts for the new Asgardians at the market. Some donated potions and blankets. Even a few more acres of land. He got it all without having to sacrifice an ounce of his dignity.

He was tempted to do more. To tell them about Odin. But, with Fenrir and Bucky in such a vulnerable state, Loki didn’t want to find out just who was still on his father’s side even now. So he kept his mouth shut, smiled when he needed to, and kept watch at night with his hand around his knife in case someone decided to come knocking.

Bucky came around after four days. Loki returned with Fenrir to find him towelling off his hair and definitely looking a sight no ten year old should witness. “You’re up,” Loki choked out somehow, setting Fenrir down gently onto the bed, and doing his best to get his mind off what was lying beneath that towel. 

It had been far too long since he’d bedded anyone.

Bucky hummed, and that was all he would say. It turned out the healers had taken all of Bucky’s good conversation from him. Something Loki was thinking of going back and demanding a refund for.

Nevertheless, he was awake and he was up and capable of walking, so after another day of lounging around, Loki packed them up again and set them off back to new Asgard.

The walk was quiet. Far too quiet for someone that had grown to used to Bucky’s quiet humour and Steve’s loud laughter. Hoisting Fenrir higher up, Loki found it was up to him to fill the silence this time as they walked the streets of the capitol. 

“The nobles used to live in the palace you know. It was where Njord held his council. He was the lord of Vanaheim, the king, really, until my father came along. In the book we found in Jotunheim, it said he had twins. I never met Frey, if he did exist, but Freyja I did. She was lovely,” she was dead. She’d been one of the first to die according to the twins. She’d raised her blade against Hela and was struck down with it. Quite a way to go for a goddess renowned for her skills in battle. But death took everyone in the end. “She was held captive in Asgard after the war, so I suppose it made sense that Frey would have stayed here. Njord was removed you see, father didn’t trust him not to raise allies in Vanaheim again. In Alfheim, at least, the elves distrusted him enough not to listen to him. But Frey I suppose Father could have manipulated.” If Thor had been held captive in another realm, especially from a young age, Loki would have done what was asked of him to keep Thor safe. “Regardless, the palace is locked now. I don’t quite know why. Father always said there was a conspiracy among the nobles. But, if that were true, why lock the palace up and relocate them to another residence? They’re just going to conspire there.” He’d always been confused about that. But even his mother hadn’t had an answer for him. She’d always merely open the library for him and hope the books would distract him from his questions.

They did.

He spoke a lot about Vanaheim on their way back. How the Vanir were definitely smarter than the Aesir in Loki’s opinion. They worked with their strengths rather than against them. They embraced their magic instead of sneering at it, and trained in both the mystical arts and the blade so even if one were stripped from them they would hardly be defenceless. They built their homes in the earth and in the trees, knowing that nature was stronger than any force they could hope to produce themselves. Asgard had always cut down trees and vines that had ruined their view, and yet still they grew again. Vanaheim didn’t see the point in taming what was going to happen anyway. They worked with their realm rather than against it, and it was why, in Loki’s opinion, they were Odin’s biggest threat.

“The dwarves are too focused on their projects. Odin could just commission them all and slay them at their forges while they were distracted. The elves too snooty. They like to keep their hands clean if they can, play both sides until they can see who the victor will be. But Vanaheim has the same ruthless streak as Odin. They don’t care what they have to do so long as they win. If father didn’t have nearly all of those nobles in his pocket, feeding their ego, they would have rose against him again long before now. And they will again. As soon as I work out a foolproof plan they can get behind.” There was no point in going to them without one. They’d laugh at him and shut him out. He couldn’t have that. He needed to be part of this fight.

They made camp under the stars, and even if Bucky was awake and alert Loki spent most of the night keeping watch, not trusting either of them if something sudden happened. He was relieved when the camp came within sight since at least it meant he would get a good nights sleep. 

The people welcomed this new Fenrir. In fact, Loki wasn’t sure they knew the boy he carried was Fenrir, so either or they didn’t run screaming as soon as Loki walked between their huts. He was bombarded with Magni and Modi, appearing like ghouls from nowhere to corner Loki before he could get to somewhere comfortable.

“I thought he was older,” Modi said, peering around Loki’s shoulder to give Fenrir a smile. “Nice to meet you. Again.”

“He’s as old as he needs to be,” Loki hoisted him up higher, letting Fenrir have enough leeway to follow Modi’s path back to his brother. “And you’re going to have to forgive him, it’s a bit of an adjustment to turn into something else for the first time.”

“It’s cool,” Magni waved off. “At least this way we can understand him.”

“Cool?” Magni truly had embraced life on Midgard. He shook that observation off, “Where’s Thor? He still bothering you?”

They shares a look, falling into step next to Loki. “I wouldn’t say bothering,” Magni hedged.

“More like trying to parent us when we’ve done well without one for this long.”

He understood. It would be like Laufey suddenly turning up in Loki’s life and trying to tell him what to do. Still, “He’s trying. You must know that Thor would have never ignored you had he known you were his.”

“We’re starting to get that,” Magni muttered.

“It still doesn’t change things. I mean, we’re not children.”

“But you are princes,” Loki said, wondering if they had even thought about that. “And Thor’s not Odin. Whatever he’s trying to teach you he’s probably got good intentions. And I’m sure he’s not trying to patronize you. But this is a unique situation. He needs time to adjust, just like we do.”

They both made a disbelieving sound, and for two boys who said they didn’t need a parent they definitely enjoyed hanging around Loki asking for advice. 

Bucky moved in with Thor, at Loki’s demand, he needed company after all, and Thor was, despite everything else, good company. Fenrir, Loki considered trying to bridge the gap between them, but, truthfully, he needed his own space as well if he was going to live here permanently. 

He kicked Thor out that first night, telling him to bunk with his kids. The second night he had enough of a structure made that he didn’t need to remove Thor. Instead, he shuffled some hay about, grabbed some blankets and called it a day, Fenrir burrowed into his side.

“Fen,” Loki said slowly. 

At the month mark, Fenrir could sit on his own and was capable of crawling short distances. He was more vocal too, even if the only noises he could make were much like his wolfy self, growls and whines, but his face helped Loki where a wolves simply couldn’t, to understand more of what Fenrir wanted when he chirped Loki’s way.

Right now, sitting in the setting sun, Loki was hoping to see if they could work on his vocal range. He thought it might be nice to start with Fenrir’s name, even if it was just a portion of it, so “Fen,” was where they were starting. 

Fenrir moved his mouth, garbled nonsense coming out.

“Try huffing, one quick burst, like this,” he made a general huff, then another, sharper one, putting more emphasis on biting his upper lip. 

Fenrir tried it, and visibly startled, grinning toothily back at Loki when it sounded more like an ‘f’ than his other attempts had before.

“There we are, I knew you could do it.” Always praise him, it was how Loki had learned. It didn’t matter how many times he got it wrong so long as he kept trying to get it right. “Now this time you want to make a short noise in your throat, like you’re asking a question.” Fenrir did enough of that, always making noises like the one he was trying to make again at Loki when he wanted something.

Fenrir did this one easier, repeating it again and again and adding the first one until he had ‘fe-’ and sometimes ‘fen’ depending on how he ended his second noise. “There, see, you can do it,” Loki grinned. “I’m so proud of you. Now that’s the beginning of your name. You can say half of your name.”

Fenrir bounced in place, repeating it again and again, even when they were done. All the way through supper he was saying his name to himself and grinning at Loki every now and then as if to prove he could still do this. 

“Fen,” Fenrir woke Loki up with the next morning. He patted Loki’s face again, “Fen,” he insisted.

He peeked his eyes open. At least it was daylight. “Alright what?” He asked the boy still patting his face.

“Fen,” he insisted, “Fen,” he growled a little on the end of his next attempt.

“Ah,” Loki gathered. “The next part is ‘rir. We’ll go over it later. Right now I need to wake up and you need breakfast.”

They had lessons in the afternoon. During the day however, they had their own things to do. Loki had his new hut he was making, and Fenrir had the twins bothering him for an excuse to avoid Thor. Well, he said bothering, Loki saw them playing games more often than not, Fenrir looking like he was enjoying himself as he finally was able to be of the same height, if smaller than his opponents. Alaric was with them today, him and the rest of Volstagg’s brood. In a matter of seconds Fenrir was hoisted up and carried off for a game of ‘defend the princess’, this time with Modi being the princess Loki heard.

“We should get them together,” Thor said, scaring the life out of Loki as he appeared from nowhere.

“Get who together?” he asked, shoving Thor for the scare.

“The kids.” he perched himself on the seat next to Loki, “Bucky too, he’s getting a little bored with just us to talk to.” He was quite like Thor, they had found out. Without the soldier whispering in his ear every second of the day Bucky was actually a sociable creature, and more and more Loki found him lingering on the edge of conversations, wanting to join in but still keeping himself back for some reason.

It wasn’t a bad idea. “Fenrir may be more comfortable if there’s others present.” It would distract him from Thor, and, despite knowing how scared Fenrir was of Thor, he did want the two of them to make amends. It was unfair, maybe, but Thor didn’t remember his actions, and was the last person Loki could think of to want to harm a child.

“I want to meet him,” Thor said, “He looks so much like you Loki.”

Loki mirrored the smile sent his way, “It’s strange isn’t it.” It certainly was for Loki to see so much of Thor in his children.

“Definitely. And he’s so small. Mother would have loved him.”

“She would.” Eager to learn, fascinated by everything, Frigga indeed would have loved him. “What are you thinking then?”

Thor pursed his lips a moment. “Breakfast maybe? Or perhaps supper, we can invite them around to our home. Something private.”

“If you think they’ll agree, I trust your judgement.”

Something that had Thor glowing until supper that next week. Fenrir couldn’t say his own name yet, but he had learned ‘yes’ and ‘no’, the latter used more frequently than the former, Loki thinking merely because it sounded more like a howl and left Fenrir giggling into his arm. He was crawling the short distance from Loki’s side to Thor’s doorway stopping there before retreating back, pacing, Loki would call it. He hadn’t been too happy with Thor’s proposition.

“I know you’re worried,” Loki said. “If I could promise you Thor wouldn’t harm a hair on your head you’d still be worried. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

Fenrir considered that for a moment, then shook his head as he had done before when Loki asked and started crawling again, resting his head on Loki’s knee when he got close enough. 

“At least the twins will be there. Magnus too. I heard the two of you have a surprise for me.”

Fenrir snuffled closer, not excited at all, like he had been, when Loki had broached the topic of Magnus’ ‘big surprise’ in previous days. 

“A few hours,” Loki promised. “And if you want to leave at any time you can.”

Since the walls were thin, and on Loki’s side not even properly constructed yet, they could hear Thor swear in increasingly creative ways as he tried to prepare tonights meal. It wasn’t like Thor had never cooked before. It was just the pressure of cooking, combined with how many they had to cook for and the limited provisions they had leaving Thor further and further frazzled. 

Still, at least someone was enjoying their pre- meal atmosphere as Bucky shouted encouragements and generally laughed at something Thor was undoubtedly screwing up.

A chorus of voices turned up as the sun set, two of them branching off to poke their heads into Loki’s part of the hut. “Ready for tonight Fenrir?” Magni asked.

The boy in question made a little grumble, Loki hoisting him up so he wouldn’t be forced to crawl in front of Thor. “I think that means let’s get this over with,” Loki said.

“Say that again,” Modi huffed, climbing through Loki’s shaky window. “You know what we’re having?”

“If what I’ve heard is to be believed something ‘fucking awful’,” Loki imitated, garnering a laugh from all three present. 

Thrud, whose face Loki still couldn’t place, was the first, bar the twins, of Thor’s brood to greet them. She’d done herself up quite nicely indeed and was getting more than a few second looks from Bucky as she came to grab Fenrir off him. 

“Nice to see you Loki,” she nodded, and had she not grabbed Fenrir Loki was sure she would be curtsying. Almost all of them still used honorifics or bowed whenever they saw either Thor or Loki. The only one that had garnered he too was something special was Fenrir, who thought it was all quite hilarious when they walked past bowing Asgardians together through the day.

“You’re looking very beautiful tonight,” Loki said. “And since I know my brother doesn’t look good as a woman your mother must have been quite extraordinary indeed.”

“You think?” Their mothers were still a sore spot, but considering Thor too may not have the same mother as what he believed they all universally blamed Odin rather than Thor for their ignorance.

“I know it. Now, tell me how your lessons with the Valkyrie are going. I heard you’ve started shield work. Always difficult.”

Thus it continued.

It wasn’t a bad night, overall. The twins behaved, Ullr told them all about a Vanir he’d met and at the end of it all Loki was treated to a little performance Magnus and Fenrir had thought up. Thor was happy. Bucky was showing off Midgardian dance moves to a willing Thrud and it was just, nice. Homey. What Loki always thought their lives would be like if they’d both been married off.

There were a few little hitches. Thor’s jokes were still as bad as ever, and Fenrir tried to bite him when his hand got too close. But the rest of it was good. Thor even said so when Fenrir was trampling Magnus in their ‘performance’. “We could get them around every week,” Thor finished with, hope dripping on every word, and strangely Loki had no complaints about that.

Bucky helped Loki put Fenrir to bed when the night died down. Thor’s brood had taken up residence wherever they fell, and thankfully the floor was soft with hay and blankets were aplenty. Thor himself was not so secretly tucking them all in, making Loki wish they were of an age like Fenrir when it wasn’t too late to watch them grow. 

“Careful with his knees,” Loki warned as Bucky slowly lowered him to the bed. “He keeps scraping them.” He still wasn’t used to his fragile skin. Fenrir was extraordinarily tough as a wolf, but in this form he was slightly more delicate, and that meant scraped knees and palms for when he scuttled too fast across the ground. 

There was a beat as Bucky pulled off his own shoes, kicking them up to his own pallet Loki had made for him when his nightmares threatened to start whacking Fenrir in the face. “How old would you say Thrud was?”

“Thrud?” Loki considered. “About a thousand, give or take a few hundred. In Midgardian terms I’m not quite sure where that would lie, but, we’re generally considered out of adolescence by our four or five hundreds.” He knew where this was going, he’d seen the looks Bucky had been casting throughout the night, yet still he had to ask, “Why?”

To that, Bucky shook his head, trying for a nonchalance he simply wasn’t pulling off. “Just curious. So, she’s legal then.”

“Most definitely.” He kicked his own boots off, sitting opposite Bucky, considering for a moment before adding, “As is Magnus.”

“Magnus?” the hysteria was starting already. “Why would you mention Magnus?”

Probably because he’d seen that those looks Bucky had been trying to send Thrud’s way were hitting Magnus more often. Loki had to approach this calmly however. He’d seen how Midgardians reacted when something they found abhorrent was brought up. Like eating mortals. “I mention him because he seems quite taken with your looks.”

“Right.” deflecting off Bucky would put him somewhat at ease, and seemed to be doing so as he barked out a laugh that wasn’t at all sincere. “Well, good to know. But Thrud, she er, she’s old enough to make her own decisions and, things.”

“Old enough to marry,” Loki put out there, since that was where Bucky was going, whether he knew so or not. “And it would certainly be an advantageous marriage for you. Your longevity may be at question but even I know that the time you will be alive you’ll hold the title of prince.”

“Oh yeah.” The thought hadn’t even crossed his mind, Bucky Barnes sure was one in a thousand. “Oh, then, I suppose it’s… right.”

“No, no,” Loki stopped him, no need to abandon this train of thought if it truly were what he wanted. “You misunderstand me, us Asgardians aren’t as, shall we say, confined as you Midgardians. So long as the match is approved by Thor, and you defeat him in combat, you could marry Thrud tomorrow if you so wished. How else do you imagine these women bore Thor’s children if he were forced to look among the nobler ranks for pleasure?”

Bucky squinted his eyes at Loki, “Is it just me or do you walk fancier when you’ve been around Thor for more than an hour.”

“You’re deflecting.” Although, this wouldn’t be the first time someone had mentioned as such. Fandral used to laugh himself stupid when Loki over explained sentences just to watch Thor’s eyes go dazed. The pair of them had made a game out of it, it was perhaps one of the only games Loki enjoyed playing with Thor’s friends. “And if Thrud is who you wish to get to know better then ask her tomorrow and see what she says.”

Bucky considered that for a moment before flopping back to his pallet with a nod. 

Loki watched him for a while, deliberating, holding his tongue until he couldn’t any longer. “What about Steve?”

The reaction was immediate, Bucky’s head turning so fast Loki was surprised something hadn’t snapped. “What about Steve?”

“Well,” He wondered how to word this without causing offence, “You two are close. I was merely wondering why you would want to make permanent plans here when, at some point, you’ll wish to go home.” He’d never broached the topic of their relationship with Bucky. The man had seemed quite unbothered by most things, laughing more than once when Loki mentioned the ‘liberal’ attitude of the other realms. With Steve, they were already at each other’s throats when Loki had brought up the topic. Steve would neither take too much or not any offence because he simply didn’t care for the words coming out of Loki’s mouth. 

“Home’s not been on Midgard for a while,” Bucky said, “I’ve told you that.”

“Yes,” Loki agreed, “But, you’ve also said that Steve is… your home.”

“He is,” Bucky said quietly. “But, I might never see him again. We could have years, or we could have months, what’s the point of planning long term if it’s not gonna happen?”

Which was a fair point but, “If we simply look short term then it’s just the same as giving up. You care for Steve, you’ll want to see him again. Don’t tie yourself to new Asgard if it’s not what you want.”

Nothing more was said. Loki waited for it, but eventually Bucky turned his back and sleep called to his weary head. Loki wasn’t sure, the next morning whether Bucky had asked Thrud out or not. They were definitely spending the day together, but Magnus was joining them too. Whether it was a formal declaration of wanting romantic overtures would remain to be seen next time Loki met up with one of Thor’s children.

Thor himself didn’t see anything amiss with Bucky taking Thrud and Magnus out. To him, everything was good, no one was angry with him, and Fenrir was actually having breakfast a few seats away from him rather than on the other side of camp. 

He decided, when Fenrir scraped more berry juices across his mouth, that perhaps today would be a good day to take him to the pools. Swimming was good for the muscles, and strengthening them certainly would help Fenrir get easier motor control. The problem, it turned out, was getting him into the pool.

“Just jump, I’ll catch you,” It wasn’t even that deep, coming up to Loki’s navel. At most it would touch the top of Fenrir’s shoulders. 

Fenrir didn’t like it. He didn’t like swimming without his fur and without his size. So he stayed on the side of the pool, crouched over, dipping his toes in, but never more than that. 

“What if something happens and you fall into water?” Loki posed. “What if I’m not around to help you and you still can’t shout for help?” He came to the edge of the pool, grabbing Fenrir’s foot and dipping it that further inch into the water. “Babies can swim. I can swim, so long as you learn to keep yourself afloat and your head out of the water I’ll be happy. Who knows, you might enjoy it.”

It took another two hours for Fenrir to get in, and even then he had his limbs wrapped around Loki and refused to let go. Since he didn’t have a tantrum, and actually sat in the water Loki took him back the next day, and the one after that until Fenrir was paddling, with Loki holding him around the middle, around the small pool.

He was adamant to get Fenrir comfortable in the water after that. Every day they worked on words and swimming, mostly because swimming showed faster results than walking. Fenrir was starting to enjoy himself too now he could tell he was making progress. The day he managed to paddle from one edge of the pool to Loki he told everyone he met back at the camp about it. It was still mostly nonsense, and Fenrir expected Loki explain the actual story, but his happiness was enough to tell Loki he was doing okay in this parenting business. 

“All the way to Loki?” Modi asked. 

Fenrir feverently nodded, looking expectantly at Loki to retell the story again. 

It was another family dinner. They were indeed making a ‘thing’ of these, every week, on a Thursday, as was fitting. Bucky had seated himself between Thrud and Magnus, as he had at the campfire this past week. Loki still wasn’t sure what was going on there.

“We should come with you tomorrow,” Magni proposed. “You can really show us then.” 

“Ooh, that sounds like fun,” Loki nodded, trying to sound like it’ll be great. Anything to not have Fenrir refusing to go back to the pool because he thought he would be made fun of. Loki didn’t even think the idea of shame had presented itself to Fenrir yet, thankfully, but, at some point it had to kick in, and Loki would be damned if it was because of swimming. So, “You know Fenrir, Magni and Modi were fishermen in Asgard. They’re probably the best swimmers here. Much better than me.” At least when he was in his usual form. As a fish he could outswim anyone. “That reminds me, have you looked into jobs near the harbour? The Vanir are always looking for sailors.” Fishermen were fishermen no matter where they lived, and Vanaheim used to be the fishing capital of the nine thanks to Njord. The twins could get a pretty good living if they went looking for it. 

“We did,” Magni said. “And they said we could join a few vessels.”

“But?” Loki asked, hearing the hesitation in the silence.

“But,” Modi agreed. “I don’t think I want to work for the Vanir. I mean, they’re nice people but, we should be working on establishing some revenue in new Asgard. I was thinking of going to the capital and asking if we can get some fishing rights, maybe barter for some materials to make our own boats. I’m sure if I can word it right we can come up with something that’ll be beneficial to all of us.”

Loki found himself preening, shooting Thor looks, trying to catch his eye. Did he hear what his sons were planning? Did he understand their ambition. “I think it’s a grand idea,” Loki said. He tried to downplay his excitement. This was what they needed. Thor was still stuck short term, these two were focused on long, on integrating instead of keeping to themselves. “How about I help you with it. I can teach you the right people to pose your proposition to as well.”

“You don’t think it’s stupid?” Modi made sure.

“Quite the opposite.”

By the next family dinner, Loki had started tutoring Modi in the art of politics. Fenrir and Magni were swimming buddies now as well, Fenrir much preferring to splash around and swim away from an excited Asgardian than boringly towards Loki. Ullr had shown up too at one point, lamenting that his brother was no fun these days.

“All he does is recite poetry,” Ullr whined yesterday, which was true. 

The times Loki had seen Magnus the boy had been asking everyone and anyone about books and songs. He’d been lurking near Loki sometimes, always just out of reach, like he was debating asking Loki for advice. Mostly, Loki thought, because he knew Loki knew why he wanted those books. The reason, usually, seen not far behind Magnus himself. 

Presently that reason was spooning more gravy onto his meat. Loki still hadn’t figure out what was going on. He didn’t think he ever would. Somehow, the three of them had something going on, but what that something was, whether it was companionship or something else, Loki just couldn’t figure out. He didn’t want to ask Thor either. Thor had never had a daughter before, but he’d had Sif, and Loki when he decided he was done being a man for a while. At those times, when someone made an overture that wasn’t wanted by either party, Thor could be pretty intimidating. If it hadn’t reached Thor’s attention by now, therefore, Loki didn’t want to be the one to break the news to Thor that he may be challenged by Bucky any day now for one of his children’s hands in marriage. 

If that. 

Speaking of Thor, the morning they woke from their latest dinner he cornered Loki alone, Fenrir crawling off after Modi. “I was thinking of expanding our home,” he said without so much as a hello.

He had the decency to bring food, bones to be in fact, something Loki had taken a liking too, surprisingly. “How do you mean expanding?”

Thor walked them over to their hut where, in the dirt, he’d already drawn up plans for the expansion. “I was er, hoping we could ask the others to move in. If they want. If not then we can use the extra room for Bucky’s goats. Or, maybe for parties. It’s been a while since we’ve had a feast. We should probably plan for one, to keep the people’s spirits up?”

“Nice try,” Loki huffed, knowing Thor just wanted a feast for himself. Loki had to admit he missed feasts too, so maybe that wasn’t a bad idea. “The expansion isn’t a bad idea. But, you’ll really have to ask your children if they want to move in. There’s no use getting your hopes up only to find out they don’t want it. They’re adults Thor.”

“I know.” Which was the whole problem. “But it’s a good idea?”

Yeah, it was. “It doesn’t change things though.” It didn’t change that they needed to start getting their affairs in order pretty soon. They couldn’t just forget that the end was coming. The only problem was that they didn’t know when, or how, or even what they were going to do to stop it all. They just, had nothing. 

So for now they focused on rebuilding. On getting materials to expand the little hut they had. Loki made sure they had an actual floor this time. He refused to step on dirt a moment longer than he had to. Especially when he’d just gotten out of a bath. His feet hadn’t been clean for far too long now.

Thor asked his children whether they wanted to move in, to establish something of a royal family in this new Asgard. They thought about it. 

Fenrir was happy with this idea anyway. He still insisted on sharing Loki’s room, or, Fenrir’s room since Thor was quite insistent that Loki have a study and, maybe, if he wanted to, start sharing with Thor again. “Is this your idea of asking me to bed you again?” Loki asked when Thor proposed it.

Thor rubbed his neck, a small, “Maybe,” coming out.

Loki hummed low in his throat, not completely averse to the idea. He missed Thor. He wanted nothing better than for things to be how they were. For Loki to wake every morning to Thor half on top of him. Of Thor ordering servants to bring Loki’s favourites just because he thought Loki should start the day with a smile on his face if they weren’t dining with their parents. He missed the trips Thor would propose, or the gifts he would bring back from his day adventuring with his friends. The knocks on his door late at night with Thor asking if he wanted to watch the stars or listen to Loki read from some book Thor had absolutely no interest in but wanted to learn because Loki liked it. 

He missed Thor, but, “I think you need to work harder than that if you want me in your bed again. I’m not as the mortals say ‘easy’ you know.”

Thor snorted, mumbling, “I can think of three people that would beg to differ,” laughing when Loki flung something at him and agreeing, “Fine. Fine. I’ll, as the mortals say,” he mocked, “‘date you’.” he laughed again, catching Loki around the waist to burrow his head in Loki’s neck. “We can date. I can date you Loki. We’re not- technically- brothers. We can hold hands in front of people.”

Huh.

They could.

The idea had never happened upon him like that. But Thor was right, they could. They could ‘date’, they could kiss, they could marry if they wished. They weren’t brothers. Not by blood. Never had been. He laughed along with Thor. They could do a lot of things now they weren’t related. A lot of things they had to keep secret before. 

“Fenrir is not going to be pleased,” Loki warned.

“A lot of people won’t be,” Thor agreed. “But so long as we’re happy, isn’t that all that matters?”

Loki considered that. Fenrir didn’t have to love Thor, just not tear his throat out. “I suppose.”

Thor took that as a unanimous yes, and, Loki should have known, now Thor had his yes, Loki wasn’t going to get a moment to even think about his answer. The very next day, as Loki directed Ullr with more floor plans, he found himself the recipient of an awfully constructed poem Magnus recited while Thor thrust flowers his way.

“The Midgardians say flowers and poetry are the best gifts to give in dating.” Like Loki hadn’t figured it was something along those lines.

“On Asgard it’s one or the other,” Loki reminded Thor. “And usually the poetry is better. How long did you even spend on it?” Since Loki had certainly heard Thor create better.

Thor himself shrugged, “It came upon me while I was fixing the new roof.” 

Yes, Loki could hear the influences now. Lots of sky imagery and likening Loki’s- “Okay Magnus thank you.” He waved the poor boy off before whacking Thor with the flowers, “He’s your son, he doesn’t need to know that.”

“Know what?” Thor asked innocently, like he hadn’t just had his own son say a very phallic image including trees and mushroom shapes. “Honestly Loki it’s like you don’t appreciate my poetry.”

He didn’t even deem that with an answer, walking off back to his side of the room. He knew Thor was winding him up, just as Thor knew that Loki secretly loved that awful poem. Thor was stupid, and embarrassing, but he was sweet while he did it, and very rarely did he actually mean offence to be given. 

“Isn’t it weird?” Magni asked when others started to notice the more affectionate displays Thor performed for Loki. For once Loki didn’t allow Thor to weasel himself out of something, and had him tell his children outright that he was intending to bed their supposed uncle before they saw something they shouldn’t. “He was your brother.”

“Eh,” Loki shrugged. “He kind of wasn’t, but, even if he was, it’s not uncommon for families to interbreed. Look at, oh what was his name, the one with the nose.” He was good with faces, not with names. It was one of the things he’d never bothered to learn, despite his mother telling him, after remembering countless things from all his books, he should be good at. But something about the sneers and way they looked down at him made him resolutely determined not to learn them.

Magni shrugged, “I never really saw you royals all that much.”

Which was a fair point. 

At least Magni didn’t have a problem with it. Or Modi. Or the others, it turned out. Loki thought they were afraid to have an opinion. This thing with Thor was still fragile, and while their relationship with Loki was nonexistent, well, almost nonexistent, Thor had one, and Thor had known Loki longer than them. Saying something about it might just result in a fallout none of them wanted.

Fenrir was just confused when Loki brought the topic up. It took a lot of questions on Loki’s part to figure out that Fenrir hadn’t known Thor and Loki had stopped being ‘mates’ at any point. He was still trying to puzzle it out when their next family dinner cropped up.

As if proving to the kids that what Thor had told them was true, Thor made sure Loki sat next to him, that he got first cut of whatever meat Thor had acquired of them that day. He also held Loki’s hand on top of the table, something Loki had immediately snatched his hand away from when Thor attempted it before realising that yeah, they could do that now. He spent the rest of the evening running his thumb over Thor’s knuckles, a stupid thing to fixate on really, but, he’d never looked at Thor’s hand above the table before, in some manner of light. He hadn’t seen how nicely their fingers interlinked away from fast scrambles and constantly listening ears. He’d never had time to just hold Thor’s hand, and to keep holding it even when someone watched them. 

“For you,” Thor announced, a plate of flowers appearing under Loki’s nose. 

He snatched them from Thor’s hands like they were gold, “Where did you get these?” They were flowers most commonly used in potions, healing ones ordinarily, but others that Loki had discovered over the years. Like melting things that shouldn’t melt rather quickly.

“I know some people.”

“You know some people?” Usually it was Loki saying that. “Should I be jealous?”

Thor planted a quick kiss on Loki’s cheek, then a longer one when he realised, like Loki, that they could do this now. “Doubt anyone could hold a candle to you Loki.”

“Not even your lady Jane?” He didn’t hate Thor for falling for her. Maybe. Not a lot. He hadn’t known they weren’t related, and they had seen other people before. Still, the swiftness of which he’d been enthralled had taken Loki aback at the time. Still did. He was still sure she possessed some manner of magic about her.

“I was wondering when her name would crop up.” He took the flowers off Loki, running inside their steadily growing home before taking his arm and starting them towards the edge of the whisper wood. “Go on then,” Thor sighed, “Ask your questions.” As usual hung in the air.

Loki had never been too pleased with Thor’s past lovers, wanting to know everything and anything about them when he’d cornered Thor alone again. He’d never been too good with sharing. Still wasn’t, but, strangely, “I don’t really care Thor. That time in our lives was so complicated your mortal lady doesn’t even pique my interest.” It was a time he’d rather forget, and Jane wasn’t exactly around these days either so, what did Loki have to worry about.

“What about you then?” Thor mused, “That Grandmaster.” The way he said the name had Loki biting back a smile. Even if Loki hadn’t slept with the man he was sure Thor would be saying it with that lilt. It was just the reaction he got out of people.

“What can I say, I like living. It was never anything serious, and, barely anything at all really.” He’d never really slept with the Grandmaster, more, been in a room when something of the likes was happening and managed to garner a bit of interest in a voyeuristic capacity. “Other than Sakaar I daresay you know all of my affiliations. Well, except the ones I don’t remember. But, if that book is to be believed I shared a rather comfy time with a woman named Angrboda. I wonder if she’s still alive.” He’d never even thought of that. Fenrir’s mother could still be alive.

Apparently she was a giant. Loki wondered how that even worked.

“Probably not,” Thor said. “If father got rid of my children’s mothers he probably got rid of her too. If not… well, you told me what Jotunheim was like.” 

That was true. 

All those people. 

“You really are all I have now,” Loki realised. “You and Fenrir.” There were no giants left related to Loki. No Aesir father, no Vanir mother. Just Thor and a son he hadn’t even known he had. 

“And Hela,” Thor reminded him. 

“Oh no, can’t forget about her.”

They shared a not even funny laugh, the two of them doubling back to their home. “Not just me and you Loki,” Thor said when the hut came in sight. “They may be new, and we may not know them all too well, but we still have family here.”

Five boys, one girl and a Bucky. Family indeed.

Another three family dinners came and went. Then another one, and another, until Loki was sitting around the table listening to Thor toast the twins victory in gaining fishing rights for the new Asgardians. “We should have a feast in your honour,” he announced, and said again the next night in front of the rest of new Asgard. The people, well, the people took it extremely well.

They’d been desperate for a party, a distraction, Loki learned. As soon as the declaration of a celebration went up Loki couldn’t pass someone the next day without them asking whether they could bring wine or hang streamers. Instruments were being haggled, and new songs composed. The people were tidying up their clothes, doing their hair, and smiling in a way they hadn’t since Asgard fell.

Loki stole off to the Vanir markets the day before the festivities. Bucky was with him, a suspicious flowered covered ribbon tied to his metal arm. He’d think it was Thrud’s work, but, as Loki had found out, Thrud wasn’t too fond of flowers. If Sif were around Loki was sure they would get along nicely. The only difference being that Thrud wasn’t afraid to actually look like a girl. 

“What are you looking for?” Loki asked when another stall didn’t hold Bucky’s interest. 

“Hair, things,” Bucky gestured, like that would narrow down exactly what it was he wanted.

“Right.” He towed Bucky over to one of the stalls near the front. “These are best for women and,” He pointed to another, “those for men. Of course, both are interchangeable. It just depends on what you’re looking for.”

The women had much more practical ties than the men. The one thing Loki had learned was that women knew how to keep their hair out of their faces. Their ties were stronger, and in Loki’s opinion, much more beautiful, even if the men had pretty jewels inlaid in theirs. He picked a few out for himself, watching Bucky out the corner of his eye cast more and more furtive looks towards the male stall. 

“It’s okay,” Loki told him. “I may not understand why you’re uncomfortable admitting you like men but you must know it’s okay. I mean I do. You’ve seen Thor. This isn’t Midgard. No one cares.” So long as it wasn’t a troll or giant, or, actually, maybe a giant. The other realms weren’t as prejudiced as Asgard he’d found out. 

“I know,” Bucky said quickly. “And I don’t know why you keep bringing it up.”

He felt like tearing his hair out, but, he couldn’t force Bucky to do something he wasn’t comfortable with. He had to get to that point in his own time and in his own way.

Still, there was something Loki could do to help him, and also help himself in the process. Making sure Bucky remembered where they were to meet, he ditched the man looking at the hair ties and went to get what he really came to the market for.

When they got back, he stowed most of his purchases away, leaving only the new tunic and hair ties out and went to go fetch Fenrir.

“Do you like them?” He showed Fenrir the shiny moon band, dwarven make and would definitely withstand a rough child’s treatment. “I thought since this was your first feast we should make sure you look every bit the prince you are.”

Fenrir liked that idea. He also liked his shiny new gifts, demanding to have them on as soon as he woke the next morning. No amount of telling him the party started that evening would dissuade Fenrir from wearing his new clothes and jewels. Probably for the best since the rest of New Asgard thought the same. 

Thor was in the bath until noon, and only when Loki forced him out did he decide he was clean enough to start on his hair. Thrud paraded dress after dress in front of all of them, Loki suspecting Thor may have went overboard when Loki suggested taking her and her brothers for some new feast clothes themselves. Magnus was nowhere to be seen, no doubt with the rest of the musicians warming up for their performance. Loki would have thought something else was afoot except Bucky was sat with Ullr trying to learn intricate Asgardian plaits with Fenrir as his subject.

Modi, Loki heard, was busy helping some lovely Asgardian woman gut the fish he’d been to the harbour the previous day to catch. Magni on the other hand was waiting and whining next to Loki.

“I have to wash my feet,” Loki said, digging more dirt out of his toes. They had a floor now, but with some people not taking their boots off when they came in he still found they were never clean. 

“You’ve been in there for hours. I have to wash too you know.”

‘You have your own house’ Loki wanted to say. But with the way all of them spent more and more time here Loki was starting to think they truly were deciding to move in. He had to say he didn’t hate the idea. Not if they got another three bathtubs that was. A working bathroom too. They were still living like rustic savages, having to fetch their own water from pools and wells. So Loki didn’t say that. Instead, he pointedly shuffled further under the water and slowed down his foot scraping.

He got himself out before things turned violent, after a while. 

Hair done, boots on and fixing the mess Bucky had made on Fenrir, they were ready in time to hear the music outside turn from soft and soothing to something Loki could dance to.

“Up we go.” He made sure Fenrir was secure on his side, the boy much better at crawling these days, and stepped outside right behind Ullr.

Streamers were everywhere, the plain colours reflecting the setting sun until they too were bright and vibrant. The music grew louder as feet started dancing, the ground beneath Loki’s boots seeming to vibrate with the enthusiasm new Asgard showed. Usually, if this were a proper feast in their golden palace, Loki was stuck at the head table, watching the people dance and laugh. Absent from it all. Thor was the only one of the two of them that managed to slip into the masses. He snuck off, around the side so he could ‘check the security’ and ended up dancing in the corners of the hall until father caught him.

This time, with no Odin and no protocol, Loki didn’t even wait for Thor, swinging Fenrir around he bounced the two of them in time to the beat, listening to Fenrir’s shrieks of delight to see what he liked best. The pair of them danced until Loki found where the food was being kept, and after refilling their stomachs they danced some more.

His arms would ache in the morning, but Loki was determined not to put Fenrir down if he could help it. Fenrir deserved to dance of a height with everyone else, and so long as he enjoyed it then Loki would give that to him. 

Thor understood. He understood so much that he sent Ullr over to get Fenrir off Loki, “Just for a little while,” and send him Thor’s way.

“One dance,” Thor bartered, making sure the pair of them had their eye on Fenrir the whole time. 

He gave one dance. Then another when Thrud took Fenrir. Then a third when Magni dangled Loki in his arms and had him attempt to use his feet to dance. When he returned from that dance, Loki did what Magni did and supported most of Fenrir’s weight as Magni went around front and tried to teach a little coordination in Fenrir’s movements. 

The wine was passed around as night fell. For the first time ever Loki kept his head about him and only had a few sips. The others not so much. How this much alcohol even got past the Valkyrie without being half empty he didn’t know, but pretty soon the tempo of the music changed again. Frantic, desperate, and after another half hour Loki had to take Fenrir away lest he witness his first orgy.

He blamed Thor, really. Those fertility powers of his got out of hand when he drank, namely because when he drank he got randy and when he got randy he exuded pheromones that had anyone within a mile seeking someone out for a good time.

Loki had acquired somewhat of an immunity to it, thankfully, and since Fenrir was ready to drop after hours of dancing and laughing he heard no excuses of being a killjoy.

He sat Fenrir gently on the bed, the boy flopping back to the sheets with a sleepy grin. 

“You enjoy yourself?” 

Fenrir nodded, lifting a foot up for Loki to get his boot off. 

“Me too.”

Fenrir pointed to the window, a low whine telling Loki what he wanted.

“We’ll have another one, I promise. And maybe then you’ll be able to dance on your own. No one wants their father to hold their hand forever huh.” Fenrir laughed as Loki tickled his stomach.

Fenrir wriggled away, taking his other boot off himself. He still needed help with his breeches, but his tunic he could do on his own too. He wouldn’t need Loki at all soon. A novel concept, and one Loki thought would come to pass with Fenrir remaining in this form. He hadn’t mentioned turning back into a wolf. Probably because Loki had made sure he wasn’t miserable. Everything new Loki tackled with Fenrir together. He tried to make it fun, tired not to focus on Fenrir’s failures, and when all that failed he got the twins, Fenrir’s favourite people in the world, to help.

It was working, and, for now, Loki had a son. One he still wished he could remember, wolf or not.

“Right, jewellry off, you can keep your plaits in, but when I come back you’d better be under those covers.”

He shoved his own boots off, padding over to their front door to take one last breath of dancing and drinking. He tucked Fenrir in, digging his own blanket out and taking quite a short nap.

Short because someone woke him with not even a quiet “Lokiii,” already half dragging him off his pallet.

He picked his head up, not helping Thor at all move him. It he wanted Loki somewhere else he could damn well do the hard work. “What?”

“Loki,” Thor hissed non too quietly again.

“Ugh.” He got up. It was the only way to get rid of him. “Come on then.”

Thor grinned, dragging Loki through the two doors into his room. 

“Well-” Oh, that’s what he wanted. 

Drunk or not Loki found himself melting at Thor’s lips on his own. Far too long, he told himself. Far, far too long. He wound his arms around Thor’s neck, lifting himself onto his toes until he was pushing Thor backwards. “No sex,” Loki told him. Not when Fenrir had probably heard Loki leave. Or when Thor had been drinking as much as he had. 

“No sex,” Thor agreed, smothering Loki with kisses regardless. 

They fell to the bed, Thor playing possum and letting Loki climb on top of him. Their agreement stood, really it did, but some under the clothes action did occur at some point, and Loki felt like outright purring when it was over, lying on Thor’s chest and thinking about nothing but a long lie in tomorrow morning.

That wasn’t what happened. 

It was like whenever Loki was happy the universe decided to throw him back into chaos. This time, instead of being woken by Thor hissing in his ear, he felt the crackle of magic under his skin, and Thor thrashing in the bed next to him.

He’d seen this before, but it had happened so rarely that Loki never really knew what to do when it did happen again. This time Loki didn’t know what to do for another reason as well, that lightning power Thor had discovered zapping Loki whenever he got too near.

With Thor’s eyelids fluttering Loki was scared to wake Thor up. When they were younger, Frigga had warned Loki that it wasn’t wise to wake someone from a vision. Whatever was strong enough to come through needed to be seen, and interrupting it would only bring them doom. So Loki sat there, and he waited. 

Then he waited some more.

When Thor finally stopped shaking Loki wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. His eyes were still closed, and skin still electrified, but he didn’t look distressed. “Thor?”

Nothing. 

“Magni? Magnus?” He didn’t want to leave Thor’s side, but he was also thirsty, and what was the point of having children around the house if he couldn’t make their hungover selves fetch him something to drink. “Ullr?” He tried when no one answered him. 

He heard little barks of “Fen- ir,” from the other room, so at least Fenrir was awake and well.

A few minutes longer and more calls for “Thrud? Modi?” with no answer, he shouted for Bucky, and at least there he got an answer.

Slowly, carefully, Bucky tip toed into the room, eyes on the room he’d come from as he asked, “Thor’s the same huh?”

“The same?” Darting from the bed Loki saw indeed the others had inherited more than Thor’s good looks. All of them, save Fenrir who was crawling slowly over to Loki, were prone where they lay. Those with eyes open were blank and distant, while the others would look almost in sleep if it weren’t for the magic Loki could feel coming off them.

“This isn’t good huh?” Bucky noted.

Loki grabbed Fenrir when the boy came close enough, “Probably not no.”

Loki near jumped out of his skin when, after a few more moments, all six, Thor included, sat from their beds with a gasp. The best thing to do would be to ask them whether they were alright. Thor had gotten these visions before, but these five, he wasn’t so sure. It was a frightening gift prophecy, and one that wasn’t entirely painless. But Loki wasn’t thinking smartly. If he had been he would have handed Fenrir over to Bucky. Instead, Loki darted over to where Thor was holding his head, setting the boy on Loki’s lap.

“What happened?” Loki demanded, hand outstretched, Thor aware enough not to zap Loki this time. Good thing too or whatever soothing magic Loki was sending wouldn’t have reached Thor at all.

“Bad,” Thor said, sighing into his hands, “Bad, bad, all bad.” He kept saying it, over and over again. Bucky, after handing the others a cup, brought the jug to Thor. The draught allowed him to think, and Loki to ask after the others, all of whom were slowly gathering around Thor’s doorway. 

“What happened?” Loki demanded of the room. “Don’t think I don’t have means of finding out.”

“He’s finished with Jotunheim,” Thor said before one of the others could. “He’s going to Asgard, then Alfheim. Or that’s the plan.”

“The plan?”

“That’s how he did it before,” Magnus said slowly, hollowly, disbelief in every word. “It’s always how he does it. Nidavellir-”

“Then Asgard,” Thrud continued.

“Then Jotunheim,” Modi.

“Midgard,” Magni.

“Muspelheim,” Ullr.

“Then the rest,” Thor finished. 

“Nidavellir?” Loki repeated, not liking how they knew Odin’s pattern. That meant he’d done it before. Maybe more than once. “Why the dwarves? In the stories it’s always Jotunheim next.”

“The dwarves are one of Odin’s biggest threats,” Thor said. “Their weapons Loki, they’ve brought down Gods. Wouldn’t you destroy them first?”

He would. He would destroy them before they even knew Ragnarok was coming. Which meant the giants were Odin’s next biggest threat, and after them, the elves? “Vanaheim is still last?” He made sure.

Thor nodded. “He probably gets enjoyment out of defeating his old enemies last.” 

Made sense, the vindictive ass. “So you saw the pattern,” Loki gathered, getting his head around what he’d already been told. “And,” he turned to Magnus, “You said he’s stopping in Asgard, but the plan is to go to Alfheim.”

Magnus nodded, “I don’t know why.”

“He’s going to check on Midgard,” Thor answered the other part to Loki’s question. “If Midgard is still standing he may go there next and then Alfheim. I’m… I was meant to destroy it. Me and some snake.”

Fenrir perked up at that, “Jjj,” he kept slurring.

“Jormungandr?” Loki guessed.

Fenrir nodded.

Loki’s other son, Fenrir’s brother, and from the looks of things a brother he may have met at one point. Interesting.

“Wait,” Bucky said, “You guys saw all this? Like in a dream?”

Thor plastered on more of a grimace than a smile, “My family has the gift of sight. Mother could thread prophecies like one of her tapestries. I myself am limited to dreams, sometimes the odd waking vision if I put the effort in. I didn’t know that… erm, we’ll have to talk,” he told the others, who all looked mildly disturbed at some kind of answer Thor had given them to a question they had all probably wondered at some point. Thor turned back to Loki, “It was different, this time. It wasn’t merely of Odin. I saw the past. Our past.”

“Our memories?” Loki latched onto.

Thor shook his head, “Not exactly. I was in this place. It was light but there was no sun, and cold but no wind. I couldn’t move, the vision wouldn’t allow me. Instead it brought me through a pass and into a hall. We were there, fighting. Then we weren’t and I was moving again. Then we were, but we were different. And then I moved and we were different again.”

“I don’t follow.” 

“I think- I think they were our past selves. Like the worlds Odin created before this one. You said you found that village, that the realms aren’t destroyed just built on top. And they’re the same. What if father isn’t creating a new world entirely when he starts anew. What if he’s just remaking us, hoping we do what he says this time. He wants a perfect world with perfect people,” Thor said, Loki not too sure he was even aware he was still speaking. “If we were in his first life, if we were what the fates gave him, then some part of him would want to hold on, right? And because he has this power he probably thinks he has the right to mess with us and-”

On and on Thor went, none of them having the strength to stop him, namely because their own thoughts were spiralling that way. How many times had Odin done this? Why? What was so bad with their life that Odin decided he wanted to restart it and try again? 

“So it just, showed you this?” Bucky asked. “Why?”

To that Thor had no answer. Nor did the others. 

Fenrir, on the other hand, had started bouncing on Loki’s lap again, mouth trying to say something. Mostly, a stream of, “Hhh,” came out. Loki listened anyway. Fenrir wasn’t stupid, far from it. He just had communication problems right now. As if to prove so, he just grabbed Loki’s hand, put it on his head and waited expectantly.

“You sure?” He didn’t like invading Fenrir’s mind. Others he had no problem with, but Fenrir had the capacity to inspire guilt in him. 

Fenrir nodded anyway, so with careful magic Loki breached the memories in Fenrir’s mind. It was easy to find what Fenrir wanted to show him, he was projecting it rather loudly. The memories in question were of Fenrir’s stay in Helheim. He was with Hela, in a hall that looked nothing like the one Loki had seen before. There were no howling or screaming. “Helheim is vast,” Fenrir said, as if in answer to Loki’s question. 

There wasn’t gold everywhere, but the architecture was familiar enough for Loki to think it Asgard. 

“Poor Fenrir,” he heard, Fenrir’s memories showing a man that looked, well, like Loki. “What did they do to you this time then?”

There was another wolf not far off that picked its head up. It was the largest thing Loki had ever seen, stretching at least three times as large as Fenrir when he was a wolf. It seemed docile however, dropping back to its paws when this Loki didn’t look back at it. 

“Thor caved his head in,” Hela said, flinging herself down onto a chair. “Your new self seems to think it’ll help stop Ragnarok.”

“Poor Fenrir,” this Loki cooed, “Well, no matter. It’s done now, and until you’re needed how about I introduce you to your brothers? Hmm?”

The memory ended, mostly because Fenrir was trying to tell him something about what Loki had seen. “Others,” he kept saying. 

“Others?” Loki repeated.

“There are others,” More flashes, just like Thor said, of other halls and other Loki’s.

He understood. 

Loki had only known of Valhalla. That was the only afterlife Odin had thought to teach them about. But Helheim was a realm like every other, and why wouldn’t there be other sections. Especially if Hela, Loki suspected, wasn’t as on Odin’s side as Odin probably thought she was.

If Loki were king of Helheim, capable of manipulating the realm around him, he would put in some added bonuses for people perhaps hoping to look for answers against Odin. Maybe preserve all those attempts Odin had made before. Not every realm, not every person, but enough people that had encountered Odin to have an idea of how to defeat him.

“We need to go to Helheim,” Loki decided. “Soon. Before Odin finishes with Alfheim.”

“Thor just said he might not go to Helheim,” Bucky said.

“He will,” Loki realised, “Hela will lie to him, if we ask her. She’s powerful enough to shield Midgard from his eyes should he check.” Loki didn’t think he would. Hela would be able to tell if Midgard had fallen. Odin was lazy, he wouldn’t turn his attentions to Midgard if he didn’t have to. They had always been nothing to him. 

“My vision,” Thor understood, “You think it’s telling us to go to Helheim.”

“Fenrir says our other selves are there.” Of course they were, they may share a soul, but part of that soul died whenever Odin rebirthed them, and that soul remained in Helheim. “If we find those that were alive the first time around, when Odin didn’t know the extent of his powers, maybe they might know some way to stop him.”

“If not,” Thor agreed, “Then there has to be someone older than Odin. He wasn’t just created, that’s not how the myths go.”

A plan. They finally had a plan. 

A lot of things had to happen in a very short amount of time. Thor had to find someone to take over his kingly responsibilities while he was gone since, while he did spend most of his time building and farming, he was still a king. He had responsibilities. Some of those being sitting there settling disputes or breaking up fights. 

He called the Valkyrie after much deliberation and no time to really train someone else. “Thrud is by right, first in line. If you could let her follow you, learn, I would much appreciate that,” Thor said, leading the Valkyrie through the protocol she was already familiar with, since she was the one who usually brought these disputes to Thor in the first place.

With the power of kingship not really being passed to her the Valkyrie was happier to accept the ask Thor made of her. Especially since, “It’ll be nice to have a woman on the throne for once.”

“Indeed,” Thor agreed, never one to pass up an opportunity to praise his children.

After the issue of leadership was settled, Thor went off to get provisions, all five of his children going with him, most of them trying to volunteer to go with him to Helheim with Loki. Something neither of them were going to let happen.

Loki himself had Heimdall to seek out. “Keep an eye on Odin’s progress,” he bade of the man, then asked again about the spell Odin used to travel the realms. 

When it was in his mind once more, he found Bucky, dragging the man back to their hut. “I have a gift, well, a sort of gift. Mainly it’s an experiment.”

“Not liking this,” Bucky said.

“Agree to disagree.” He pulled out the mirror he’d bought at the market, shrunk down for easy maneuvering. “Stand here,” Loki instructed, lengthening the mirror in front of Bucky’s person. The spell was easy to recite, and with the way his magic produced the magic needed told Loki he’d done this before, multiple times. “Midgard, Steve Rogers,” Loki instructed, and before his eyes the image in the mirror shimmered until Steve Rogers himself was shown. 

It was dark on Midgard, wherever Steve was, and despite being awake, Steve looked much better rested than he had last Loki saw him. A hand came into view, handing off a steaming mug of something.

“Steve,” Bucky sighed, hand just that shy of touching the mirror. “What is this?”

“A portal,” Loki said. “Should you step through, it’ll take you to Midgard. Your mind is as best as it’s going to get. Odin may be coming to your realm, so I’ll ask again, do you really want to stay here?”

Bucky took a shaky breath, “This isn’t fair.” 

Probably not. Bucky was building a life here. He was at peace doing nothing but listen to Magnus and Thrud or look after his goats. Sometimes both since the two of them had taking a liking to goat Steve that chewed everything he came in contact with. If Bucky went back to Midgard, he would be walking into animosity and experiments. Even if he was cleared by Shuri’s scientists, who knew who would actually believe that.

Still, Loki thought it was best to ask. “I won’t keep it open forever.”

“This isn’t fair,” Bucky said again. They both knew Steve wouldn’t come back to Vanaheim. He was staying on Midgard until Loki gave the all clear. Hero to the end and all that. 

Loki sighed, taking a seat on the edge of his bed, “You love him,” he said plainly, sick of dancing around the subject. “It’s okay, you’re allowed to be. You’re also allowed to decide who you want to spend your life with. You’ve said it yourself, you could be here long enough for Midgard to be no more. The question is whether you want to be there with Steve when it happens.”

“It’s not- We’re not-” 

“You know we’re quite similar,” Loki said, “A lot of people wouldn’t think it, but we’re quite loyal, and love far too deeply than is good for us. And I know, if the world were ending tomorrow I would do everything I could to get to Thor. I have in fact.” Him being here right now was proof of that. He’d escaped a fiery demise on Asgard, braved Midgardian scorn and walked to Vanaheim to get to Thor. “I don’t know why you don’t want to admit you love him, but surely the end of the world is the best place to just, not care.”

“It’s not that simple,” Bucky grit out.

Loki gave him a little nudge, “I think it is. You mortals just like to overcomplicate things.” He nudged Bucky again, and this time, with one last look back at Loki, he stepped through.

He made it, arriving on the other end to the mortals jumping back, shouting, and then clamouring over Bucky when they realised he wasn’t their foe. Since none of them noticed the mirror, and Bucky certainly couldn’t pinpoint Loki, he gathered those on the other end simply couldn’t see it. A helpful trick for spying. 

The good thing was, it worked, the spell, and Loki’s way to Helheim and back. The bad thing, he liked Bucky, he was the only grown up that wasn’t related to Thor that tolerated him in New Asgard.

He shrunk the mirror back down, packing his bag while he was there, then went to find the others. Most of them were still around Thor, telling him about their abilities and experience ‘adventuring’. If this had been Asgard, Loki doubted they would have even volunteered their name. But, in Asgard they hadn’t known Thor, hadn’t known he was the only parent they had left. They didn’t want anything to happen to him, and, in classic fashion, thought there presence in the realm of death, would ensure Thor was safe.

Thrud was the only one not there, she, out of all of them, accepting the role Thor had given her. She was off with the Valkyrie, best dress on, sword strapped to her side, and trying to figure out just what the Valkyrie was asking of her.

He darted off over to them. “Loki tell him,” and would have got there had Ullr not decided to include him in their little tiff. “Tell him we’re coming with you.”

“I’m not getting involved.” Thor wasn’t going to make Loki the bad parent here. If anything, he was the fun parent. The one that took them swimming and, well, Thor did throw them a party but, Loki took the twins to Jotunheim. That was fun. Life threatening, but they saw a lot of things Thor hadn’t shown them. 

Regardless, Thor was doing his own dirty work.

“You’re not going,” Thor said. ”That’s that.”

“But Fenrir’s going. If he’s going I think we should get to as well. You can’t force us to stay here.”

Loki’s blood ran cold. “Fenrir’s doing what?” He turned back, staring each of them down, “Fenrir is doing what?” He demanded.

“Er,” Magnus pointed behind him to where Fenrir was waiting with the food Thor had fetched for them. “Well, he said he was going. He has a bag.”

“We’ll see,” Loki hissed, grabbing Fenrir away from their supplies. He carried the boy as far away from them he could get before setting him down near the goats. Oh, Loki probably should have sent goat Steve through with Bucky. Eh, he’ll do it later. Right now he had to deal with Fenrir thinking, “You’re coming with us?”

Fenrir nodded, patting at his chest.

“Because you’ve been there before?” Loki gathered, shaking his head, “No, that’s not a good enough reason. You’re not going.”

Fenrir’s face dropped, whining high in his throat.

“No,” he wasn’t going to give in. Not on this. “Last time you went, you got your head caved in. The others aren’t going Fenrir, it’s just going to be me and Thor.”

Fenrir nodded, not looking too happy about it, but he was sticking with his decision to come.

“You’re a brave boy,” Loki said, dropping to Fenrir’s level. “Which is exactly why you’re not coming. Thor and I will be fine. We’re not doing anything dangerous, it’s just a quick trip there and back. But Asgard needs to be protected, and I would feel much happier with you here looking after the others.”

Fenrir shook his head, making a few gestures.

“Yes I know you might know the way, but we’re going to talk to Hela before going to Helheim. She’ll help us, you know she will.” 

She had been kind to him, Loki knew that now, and her name did help Fenrir looked a little appeased. Still, he grumbled to Loki, kicking his feet in a pointed way.

“No, no of course not,” Loki assured. “Even if you could walk I wouldn’t bring you. This is just a boring, grown up walk. All the fun will be here, and I’ll be back before you even notice I’m gone.”

It took a bit more convincing. Even a bribe of Loki letting Fenrir wear his fancy jewels, but eventually Fenrir agreed to stay.

To make things easier on Thor Loki got two out of four to agree to stay on Vanaheim. “You’re the only ones I trust to look after him,” he told the twins. “Just make sure he keeps doing his exercises. There are books under my bed you can read to him, that he can read actually, but he likes to know he’s right about a word so read it aloud with him. He eats twice as much as you so make sure he doesn’t skip a meal and…” he made them a list in case they forgot, but the twins decided that their want to keep Loki happy overrode their need to dive headlong into danger. Loki didn’t think they wanted to go anyway, they weren’t as desperate as their brothers now they’d explored pure danger.

The other two were still fighting with Thor by the time they got up for breakfast that next morning. “They’re not coming,” Loki hissed to him, Ullr and Magnus tossing clothes into a bag not far from them. “Put your foot down.”

“I have,” Thor hissed back. “They won’t listen to me.” If the look he was giving Loki was anything to go by he was hoping Loki would put his foot down instead. 

“Bribe them then. Give them some kind of mission here.”

Thor did none of those things and kept trying to get Loki to sort it. Eventually, Loki gave in and did just that, telling Ullr he needed to stay and help the twins start negotiation with the Vanir. 

“You’re a prince, an ambassador, and we need someone to start informing the Vanir of Odin’s threat.” Which, after much flattery, got Ullr on board. Magnus, well, Loki just told him he needed to stay if he wanted any hope of being in Loki’s new play. With his brothers and sister all staying, he’d kind of lost the want to go. Also, “I er, kind of sent Bucky back to Midgard. If you could look after Steve while I’m gone that would be great.”

“Okay,” Magnus said, not looking at all heartbroken. Maybe Loki had read it wrong. 

Their little family saw them all the way to the pool that would take them to Asgard. Loki half thought some of them would follow them down, but, after brief hugs from all of them, Fenrir clinging on that bit too tight, they stayed where they were and let Thor and Loki go. Which Loki made sure of. He waited for two whole hours for those kids to follow them through. But they didn’t. 

Loki was tempted to wait longer, but they were wasting precious time, so after a third he let Thor urge them on their way.

“This way,” Loki said after a while, realising this was the first time Thor had seen what had become of their home. He was already lost, eyes searching for anything that could be familiar. When it didn’t come, Loki’s heart fell further at the pain Thor didn’t hide.

They barely talked as Loki led them through Asgard. They hunted in silence, slept in silence, the easy camaraderie they had in Vanaheim gone. What was there to say? I’m sorry our home is gone? I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything? I’m sorry our father is such a selfish power hungry demon of a man? Both of them knew those questions did nothing but lead them around in circles. It wasn’t either of their faults Odin had played them, nor that they had thought to ignore hearing Hela out. 

For once, neither of them had anything to blame on the other, and that in itself was weird territory, for Loki at least. He’d always had something to blame on Thor. His lack of friends, his status in Asgard. Almost everything he’d had something to trace back to Thor because, well, it was convenient. It was how brothers worked. Even when they’d been on friendlier terms in their youth Loki had held something or other against Thor. Just like Thor had done the same to him. They fought. They made up. They got on with their lives and found something else to blame on the other. 

It kept things interesting. 

Although, compared to what they’d lost, this past life they had once lived, how interesting could those things had been?

“It’s so empty,” Thor said.

Night had fallen, and with it the two of them hunkering down for the evening. A fire was lit between them, courtesy of Loki, and since no one had shown their faces Loki felt at ease enough to relax a little.

“What do you expect, everything’s gone.” The trees may have still stood in some part of Asgard, but the rest of it was still as barren as Loki had last seen it.

“I know,” Thor was still looking around. He hadn’t stopped since they’d emerged here. It was, Loki realised, Thor’s first look at what he’d done. “But, even the earth, I can’t feel it anymore. Not here.”

God of fertility Loki remembered, recalling the crops he’d helped sow in new Asgard. He kicked Thor’s leg, getting his attention off the morbid for a moment, “Hela’s replanting. If we’re right, this is all going to grow back Thor.”

“If we’re right,” Thor repeated, grabbing Loki’s foot after a while and dragging him closer. With one arm flung over Loki’s middle, Thor made himself comfortable, having the nerve of asking Loki to cast something to warm them up before snoring for eight hours.

It took near a week of walking before they located Hela. During that, Loki had thought over and over again of using the spell to just, magic them into Helheim and looking themselves. But he didn’t. Mainly because it would be faster if Hela could tell them outright where to go and save them a fair bit of time. 

When they finally found her, she was no longer at the docks. Instead, she was near one of the mountains, crouched over a series of boulders and watching the last trickle inside of them dry up.

She also wasn’t alone.

“... to your liking,” drifted over to them, Hela twirling the last of the water over her fingers. 

“A few more kinks, that’s all this is then we’ll have our perfect world.”

Loki felt Thor stiffen beside him, the two of them watching Odin, younger, definitely younger, step closer to their supposed ‘sister. Loki could scarcely believe it. He still thought, at any moment he’d wake and see his father, his older father, tell him it was all a dream. That he wasn’t as malicious as he truly was.

Yet Loki didn’t wake. Instead he watched as Hela droned, “Your perfect world. Mine was with my father.”

“Your father my brother,” Odin said, as if reciting from a long worn out play. “And one that told me to look after you. You know I didn’t have to let you out. Loki would have set Ragnarok off one way or another.”

Hela turned her head, only Thor and Loki catching the dark look she hid from Odin. 

As if it were some great gift Odin said, “You should be grateful. Be beyond grateful and maybe I’ll even let you stay on Asgard for a while. I’m sure with some persuasion I could get someone else to take your place in Helheim.”

“Helheim was a gift,” Hela spat, “My father-”

“Wouldn’t have even been able to give it to you were it not for me,” Odin said calmly back. 

Her knees came up, Hela looking more like a petulant child than the woman who tried to take over Asgard. “What kinks?”

Odin spun around, Loki barely recognising the man that faced them if only for a moment. “I think the palace should be more elevated this time. Somewhere the lower masses can’t get to so easily. Giants either.”

“No audiences this time?” Hela sneered.

Odin didn’t seem to hear her attitude as he agreed, “No audiences at all. No lower masses either. Way I see it we had something good going on when it was just us few Aesir.”

“No Vanir then either?” 

At that Odin took a long pause, and the words he said next had Loki pushing Thor to the ground with all his might and magic so the man wouldn’t blow their cover. Loki felt like caving Odin’s head in too. Especially when he heard the supposed father of the nine speak about Frigga like she was merely an option. Like, “Maybe I’ll even take Freyja for a wife too. She was always more agreeable with me,” was something he could just get away with.

If Loki hated the man before, lying there, with Thor thrashing under him, and Frigga’s name besmirched, truly showed him what pure hate was.

Their conversation dwindled after that. Odin wandering off to put more thought into his future queen, a sordid comment about creating someone new entirely almost sending both Loki and Thor after the man. 

Loki held strong however. It wouldn’t do for the pair of them to be murdered. They would have their time. It was just a matter of waiting.

He held Thor to the ground until both of them were breathing evenly again, and by that time a dark shadow had cast itself above them, Hela planting her hands on her hips. “Nice to see you two again.”

“You as well,” Loki said, slowly unlatching his hands from Thor. 

They both dusted themselves off, Thor with his eyes on where Odin had last been. With no word from any of them for a few minutes, Loki figured, as usual, it was down to him to start the negotiations off-

“You don’t like him,” Thor surprised Loki with.

Hela didn’t even humour Thor by turning around, “He’s the worst thing Yggdrasil ever created.”

“Well,” Thor said, “Good. Because we’re going to try and kill him.”

Loki slapped Thor in the stomach before he could say anything more. They didn’t even know if that were possible yet. Loki was hoping for imprisonment at least if they couldn’t kill him. “What Thor means is that it would be-”

“How?” Hela demanded before Loki could finish.

“We need to go to Helheim to find out,” Thor said, just, putting it out there like Hela might not turn against them. Screw what they’d just seen, Hela had no loyalty to them, she could just as easily be putting this on to get them to go along with some kind of- kind of contingency!

“Helheim?” She raised a brow, “Don’t you think if there was answer in Helheim as how to kill him I would have found it already?”

Thor shrugged, “Maybe you’re asking the wrong people.”

Hela considered that for a moment. “I suppose the reason you’re here is for directions.”

“They would be helpful,” Thor agreed.

“Hang on!” Loki dragged Thor a few feet away, “What are you doing? We were going to finesse directions out of her, not ask her outright. What if she gives us up to Odin?”

Thor waved him off, Loki too slow to grab him again as he said, “We’re seeking the others. The ones that were here before us. Fenrir said you introduced him to them.”

There was a twitch in Hela’s brow at the mention of them, “They won’t know what you’re asking of them. I would know if they knew of a way to destroy Odin.”

“I know,” Thor said, easily believing her. “But they might know where we can find someone older. Someone that will know. Even if they don’t, just let us ask. We haven’t got much time left, and I, for one, would like to die, if that’s what fate will, knowing I did whatever I could to make sure there was nothing I could have done.”

Another twitch in Hela’s brow then her hands flowed together. When they parted, Loki was looking at a part of Helheim that looked… well, it looked a lot like Asgard.

“This was my home,” Hela told them. “My Asgard. I don’t know if it was _the_ Asgard, but, I haven’t come across anything older in all my travels in Helheim.” 

The palace itself wasn’t made of gold, but the architecture was notably of Asgard, something Odin had probably replicated in some feeling of nostalgia over the years. Loki familiarised himself with the details, the windows, the wall so they wouldn’t end up at someone else’s doorstep.

“Where are they?” Thor asked, a note of hesitancy in his tone, “Is that…”

“Valhalla?” Hela laughed, “I’m afraid not. Valhalla, as I’ve learned, is only for those Odin likes. The people he’d like to visit in his home away from home. So far there’s only Freyja inside, and even she’s having a bad time in Odin’s supposed ‘paradise’. Probably because her own place in Helheim is missing her presence.”

Loki wondered if it was the original Freyja, or whether it was some version of her down the years that Odin had created to fulfil his every whim. Whatever the case he pitied the poor girl. 

“So just normal Helheim?” Thor made sure.

Hela nodded, “Afraid so. Quite frankly I think it’s more pleasant than Valhalla. Norns knows my father would have hated being trapped in Odin’s pleasure palace for all eternity.” All three of them made a face at that. Who knew what ‘pleasure palace’ entailed when it came to Odin. She conjured the image again, showing Loki more than Thor the entrance hall. “It shouldn’t be too hard to transport your way there.”

“Shouldn’t be,” Loki agreed, doing his best to imagine himself there. 

“You made it first try to Helheim without even seeing it before,” Hela noted.

Loki made a face, “I’m afraid I’m not the same man I once was,” and Loki was beginning to think that man was more powerful than Loki in ways he couldn’t even imagine. He felt cheated to have that all stripped away. “Right,” he made to grab the mirror.

Hela stayed his hand, nodding over to the pond, “It’s easier to use something disposable, I’ve heard. The mirror won’t follow you through.”

Loki was loathe to believe her, except, now that he thought about it, how would he get the mirror if that itself was the portal. “Fine.” He raised the water, freezing it with a simple spell and smoothing it until it showed their reflections. Concentrating on the image of old Asgard, of Helheim, he spoke the spell Heimdall showed him and watched as the entrance hall materialised. “We just, step on through then.” It would be fine. It had worked before. Bucky was still alive, and Loki had already used this spell countless times in his forgotten youth. 

Still, he couldn’t help but hesitate in front of his ice mirror. 

Thor ended up taking the first step. His faith, truly, was going to get him killed one day as he strode through the portal and to the other side. Safe. Whole. Breathing still if-

“Thor!” He’d fallen. Not even fallen he’d just collapsed, and Loki didn’t second guess himself at all as he ran to Thor’s side. “What happened?” He scoured around, knife already in hand for whoever had done this.

“He’s fine,” Hela said, coming to Thor’s other side. “It’s Helheim, it’s not for the living.”

Now that she’d mentioned it, and the adrenalin was fading, Loki could feel his usual reserves fading. His limbs felt groggy, and when he tried to stand, it took a good moment of thinking about it before he was able to. 

Thor, well, Thor didn’t have even that. 

Pushing the fatigue away as much as he could he noted she didn’t have any trouble standing. “You’re coming with us?” 

Hela rolled her eyes, “Don’t want you getting lost. And with him like that, you want to be thankful I am.” She walked straight past Loki, a brief bat from her hand almost sending Loki down as the knife clattered. He was going to be useless here. “Don’t just stand there,” Hela called, “Get one end and I’ll get the other.” She had Thor on his feet by the time Loki turned. 

He didn’t look well, and with the last time they were this close Thor probably lost his eye, Loki quickly took the other side, shouldering enough of Thor to prove he didn’t need her help. She didn’t listen, keeping a firm hand on Thor’s other side as the two of them basically carried Thor through the old worn stones.

It was quiet. Loki would call it peaceful had this whole place not looked like it had been frozen in time. The grass underfoot didn’t sway with wind, and the apples on the orchard trees looked too glassy to possibly be real. If this was Hela’s domain, did she create this? Did she make this home for these people? 

“Is Fenrir still living?” Hela asked, her voice loud enough to make Loki jump.

“Fenrir? Yes. He’s on Vanaheim. Last I saw of him he was trying to get one of Thor’s son’s to pick him up.” His little Fenrir. Loki hadn’t even been gone a month and he was missing the boy. Who’d have thought fatherhood was a good look on him. Certainly not Loki.

“Good luck with that,” She snorted.

It dawned on Loki then, as they strode through an arch leading to another courtyard, that Hela wasn’t monstrous. He’d known, he’d seen proof, but until that moment, it hadn’t really sunk in that she wasn’t all that different from Loki. She wasn’t inherently evil. Just pissed at the lot life gave her. She was capable of love and kindness. She was someone who probably had interests. Someone who had grown up, just like everyone else, who had lived through a childhood, had a father, a mother and who knows what else. She’d willingly cared for Fenrir when Loki could not. She’d brought him to her home, spent time with him. She could have let Fenrir to rot, not spare another thought about him, yet here she was asking about him. 

It was those thoughts that had Loki telling her, “I changed his form. I suspect he may be capable of doing so himself when he is older,” He’d felt a spark in Fenrir. Something that needed to be nurtured. “But for now, I thought it best he stay in a form he could communicate with us in. He seems to enjoy it more.”

“He would,” Hela agreed. They dragged Thor through a hall of doors, all leading off in different directions. The one they wanted was already open, and through it the walls lost their basic stone and grew metal and cloth, woven with runes and tapestries. “My brother,” Hela said after a moment, “It’s strange, he always enjoyed his wolf form better. He liked the wild. Enjoyed losing himself to the soil underfoot and wind in his fur. Can’t say I blame him. When you brought Fenrir to me, I thought he’d finally done it. He’d been born without brains. He’d been allowed to truly be wild.”

“He isn’t wild,” Loki said.

“No,” Hela agreed. “And for that I was truly sorry for him. I’m glad he’s happy now. We all should be at least once in our existence.”

A huff sounded between them, the pair of them stopping as Thor lifted his head barely an inch from his neck, his jaw slack as it tried to grin. “You’re both so morbid,” He breathed, not having the energy to truly find it hilarious.

“And you’re too cheerful for someone half dead,” Loki said, hefting Thor up a little higher as they continued along the corridor.

Loki wouldn’t call it dark, since it wasn’t. There was light in Helheim, but it wasn’t light that could be described. The torches that had been erected into the walls were lit, but their flames didn’t flicker like fire would. They stayed still, silent, and with no subtle change in energy or look it reminded Loki of how wrong this place was for someone like him. Someone living.

The hallway got lighter as they reached the end. The torches didn’t increase in number, but the cavern above seemed to radiate its own light. It was like looking in on a party from outside. There was dark surrounding Loki, yet up ahead the sheer jovility of the people inside made them shine like stars.

There were less than thirty people inside, some of them children, and all of them drinking and eating like they truly were in Valhalla.


	18. Chapter 18

Loki wasn’t sure what to make of them. The men and women talking and eating jovially around their table. He knew them. He knew them in his soul. He knew their faces and their hearts but he didn’t. Not really.

That wasn’t his Sif. The girl he’d competed with Thor’s attention for since childhood. That wasn’t his Freya, the girl that was always so nice to him when she visited. That wasn’t his Heimdall, his Baldur. They were people that looked like them that was true, but it wasn’t them. Just like the blond stuffing his face wasn’t his Thor. Loki’s Thor was hanging off Loki’s shoulder, sounding like he was two breaths away from passing out. That man, too, who was, “Hela!” sitting on the floor surrounded by all manner of creatures wasn’t him.

But Hela knew him. “Father,” she definitely knew him.

Talk stopped, everyone facing the entry way where Loki stood. The other Loki, the one rising from the floor, was the only one to look all three of them over and smile. “Well isn’t this a surprise. I thought you were sending them with the rest of their people.” He kissed Hela’s cheek, Loki trying to wrap his head around a few things.

”He’s- wait, he’s your father?” He sort of knew, but at the same time having it blatantly said out loud like that just made his head spin. Loki, a past Loki, was her father. He, at some point in the past, helped create the woman who was known as The Goddess of Death. 

Okay.

Hela gave him a droll look, one Loki had seen on his own face, what he was seeing on his older, other face right now too. “Ignore him,” Hela said. “How are the others?”

”Er, no,” Loki interjected, “don’t ignore me. The whole reason we’re down here is because of me,” well Thor’s vision and Fenrir’s quick thinking, but Loki liked to think he helped a little to get them here too. He turned to other him, "We were hoping to get your help."

Other him narrower his eyes for a moment before rolling them, "I don't know what you're expecting me to say. I don't know how to kill him. Trust me I tried while I was alive and if I knew how to do so in death I would gladly give the answers over to you."

There were some agreeing hums from behind him, Loki seeing the others at the table nodding their heads. Mother was up there. Or, another Frigga he supposed. Seeing her still hurt his heart however, and reminded him that they weren't here just for these people.

"What about the others? Odin's brothers. He had two didn't he?" Loki remembered the story. How Odin slayed his traitorous brothers in a bid for the claim of Allfather. 

"Three," other Loki corrected, "I was his brother once too. So he said anyway. I don't even know how he came up with that little _plan_."

Loki's lips twisted. Things felt off here. Had Odin erased this Loki's memory too? Was that why he couldn't remember their supposed familial relation? Was that why Odin was so concerned with keeping Loki in his life? He obviously didn't care for Loki. Loki only had a sole use too, bringing about Ragnarok. So maybe the only reason he was kept around was because he was related to Odin?

That made no sense however. Loki was a giant. Odin was half, at the very least. Unless they shared a parent...?

"You're not his Loki," came next to Loki, Thor lifting his head up. He didn't look well, falling more heavily onto Loki's shoulder. "There is someone older."

Hela pursed her lips, "I already told you I can't find-"

"I know," Thor said. "But maybe that's because you're not the only Hela. She could be hiding them from you."

Hela didn't appear to have thought of that. Loki hadn't thought about that either. If this wasn't the only Hela to ever live, then maybe she wasn't the sole ruler of Helheim. Maybe there was another, the original Hela hiding away like Thor said from Odin's eyes. A girl who had outright refused to even side with him. Loki didn't trust this Hela. He knew at one point she'd followed Odin's orders, maybe under duress maybe not. But she'd done so. Maybe that was because the other hadn't. He seemed to be picking and choosing who he wanted with him in this new world. Why make another Hela if he managed to find one that followed his orders in another life? Why chancecreating her again when that risk of her turning on him was too high.

That, however, "Doesn't help us," Hela said, "If she's hiding then I can't find her."

"We don't need to," Thor huffed. "We only need to find the underground. Or this place's underground. Mimir should be there."

"Mimir?" Loki vaguely remembered that name.

Thor nodded, head falling back to Loki's neck. 

Hela shared a look with her father. "Mimir isn't here is he?" Other Loki asked.

Hela shook her head, "I didn't think to bring him. He was nothing more than a head. I thought it better to let him rest with his body in wherever Helheim sent him than spend time here."

What?

"He would know," the other Loki said slowly. 

"He would?" Hela asked.

Her father nodded. "Mimir has the gift of prophecy. He whispered Ragnarok to me, and to Odin." He shook his head, "It could be a trick however. They say I'm a trickster but Odin is more conniving than I ever could be. He could very well have planted that idea in Mimir's head. Maybe that's how it was before."

"So we are going to have to find the others then?" Loki realised.

Hela scowled as she nodded. "It looks so."

Great.

Hela went off with her father, the two of them venturing over to where a wolf Loki had only seen in Fenrir's head. Fenrir was a huge boy, and when he switched to a more Aesir form to hug his sister he was still larger than Loki was expecting. 

"He looks like you," Thor mumbled.

"He is me," Loki muttered back.

Thor huffed a laugh, "I meant Fenrir. He looks a lot like you. It's cute."

Was that really what Fenrir was going to look like grown? He did look quite a lot like Loki. His hair was dark, it was dark as a child now, but older it truly looked more like Loki's. Even if it was longer. His nose was pointed too, cheeks more angular. He was handsome in a way Loki wasn't however. More larger than slim, firm instead of delicate. Loki knew he had some rather fluid features, but Fenrir was most certainly a man.

"What are we going to do?" Loki sighed.

Thor grabbed Loki's other shoulder, pulling himself up in a way that almost floored Loki. "Hopefully we find the other Asgard. Can you not use your fancy mirror?"

"I don't-" Oh. Maybe. "Huh." Hela had said he hadn't even been to Helheim the first time he came here. Maybe it wasn't so much visualising where he was going as knowing where. "Maybe." It couldn't be that simple could it?

They knew now, for a fact, there was someone older so, maybe he just had to think old. Think really, really old and force his magic to send him to Mimir. The proper Mimir.

"Okay." He grabbed Thor around the waist shifting him back and out of the room. He made it three steps before someone was hoisting Thor's other side up.

He expected Hela, instead he saw Frigga. "My rooms are this way," she said, guiding them to another hall.

"No offence-"

"Just walk before I change my mind," for someone who looked like his mother this Frigga couldn't have been more cold.

She didn't talk to him or Thor the whole way to her chambers, and departed almost as quickly as she'd come, leaving them in a room with a mirror Loki got the hint he was to use.

The only problem was it was smaller than he wanted it to be. It was big enough to get through, but they'd have to crawl. 

"Okay," Loki sighed, working quickly before Hela caught up to them again. He remembered the spell, saying it three times, forcing every inch of magic he had into it before something happened.

He guessed it was as simple as that.

"After you I guess," Loki said, shuffling Thor over until the oaf could grab the mirror and climb his way, slowly, through.

He looked okay on the other side, Loki making sure before following himself. He was surprised to see Thor standing when he turned. He was surprised to see the grass greener than in the mirror when he looked too. He was surprised by a lot of things. Namely how alive this place felt.

He felt no fatigue. Not like he had in other Asgard. He waved his hand feeling his magic still working too so no trap.

Still, it didn't sit right with him.

Thor looked like he felt the same when Loki checked, dwindling a little closer the longer they looked around.

The whole thing felt alive, which shouldn't be possible for Helheim. What's more there was a giant wall standing between Loki and what he was guessing was the palace they needed to break into.

He really wasn't in the mood to climb today. "If I fly up there how long do you think it would take you to climb?" Loki asked.

Thor appraised the wall for a moment. "An hour?"

"An hour?" The wall was as big as a giant. Bigger. Loki was half sure the thing had been created to keep giants out, meaning it had to be bigger than one. "It's gonna take you an hour to climb that thing?"

Thor rolled his shoulders, still looking tired as he amended his timescale to "One and a half?"

Absolute liar. 

"Alright then, I'll see you up there in one and a half hours." He changed his form, about to take off when Thor grabbed him in his big meaty hand.

"Wait, wait, wait," Thor still kept Loki in his hand as he said, "Maybe... maybe you could change into something bigger?"

Loki considered that for a moment before realising that he could either exert energy now flying Thor up, or he could be bored for as many hours as it took for Thor to climb up. Thor was their main fighter too if things... came to blows. Loki also didn't want to sit there worried sick in case Thor slipped and died climbing up.

So he changed grabbing Thor around the waist and climbing the two up to the top.he wished, halfway up, that Thor still had mjolnir. Maybe then he could fly himself up. 

He probably still could now Loki thought about it, but the oaf had always trusted more in weapons than his natural magic so who knew in Thor's case.

They made it to the top after a good four hours, Loki's breath coming heavy as they rested on the cool stones. "I'm never lifting you up again." Thor could climb down. He'd even push Thor down he was sure the man could take it. But he was never lifting Thor up again.

"Not even for fun?" Thor asked, hands on his hips as he gazed over the structure beyond the wall.

Loki shook his head. "You can pick me up. In fact," he made grabby hands.

"Er no. Climb yourself."

Ass.

Thor let Loki have a few moments to collect himself before offering a hand up, the two of them now able to see the smaller than expected hall. It looked rather like something the giants had built in Jotunheim. No palace, just a long hall with multiple entrances dotted around.

Cosy.

It was larger when they eventually got to the ground, Loki getting a sense of deja vu when he went to one of the windows. Thor took the other side, the two of them watching an empty hall.

"Think we should chance it?" Thor asked.

Loki edged open the window further, "Sure." He had no problem breaking and entering. 

They crawled through, Loki keeping to the shadows. Underground, Thor had said Mimir was underground. The question was where underground was in this place, or if there even was an underground.

If nothing else Loki could just find a mirror and wish up Mimir if this led to nothing. Actually he probably should have done that in the first place. He hated foresight.

The stone was rough beneath his boots, specks of dirt clinging to the underfoot. The air was warm, a slight twinge in the air of bread baking over a fire. There were people here.

Thor's hand came onto his back, "Which way do you think?"

"Does it look like I have a map?" He took a guess down one corridor anyway, keeping to the shadows still.

The floor stayed mostly level as they crept along the halls. It was quiet too, although loki could hear the soft crackling of a fire getting louder the more they went in one direction.

They found a bedroom at one point, furs piled high on one low bed. It reminded Loki of Jotunheim. There were carvings in the wood too, elaborate stories of giants and Aesir on adventures together.

Strange.

"I guess they must have got along the first time around," Loki said.

Thor looked over, spying the same tales as Loki, "That or father hadn't managed to incite a war that first time."

More likely.

They left when no trapdoor was found. 

Further they went until they came to a crossroads. One, Loki knew would lead to the fire. The other had writing overhead leading to another part of this palace. One named quite familiar to Loki's eyes.

"If your halls are down here," Loki centred in his mind, making a map, "then, maybe the underground is this way," Thor's halls back home connected to their mothers. That meant they were most likely in Frigga's right now.

"Might not be the same layout," which could be true.

"Or maybe we've been living in the ruins of our other selves as well. Odin's a clever man, but how long do you think he really spends on architecture?" Especially when there were worlds to conquer.

"We could split up," Thor suggested after neither of them moved.

"A stupid idea."

"I know." He took Loki's hand, squeezing it tight. "If this place has a sundown we'll meet back here then."

"And if it doesn't?" This place didn't feel right to him.

"Then I trust you to find me. Or I'll find you." He kissed Loki's head. "Don't do anything stupid."

He should be telling Thor that, yet he didn't. Instead he watched Thor go into his own halls. His other self's old halls, until he disappeared from sight. Only when Loki could see him no more did he venture off on his own.

It took a while for him to find the room the bread was baking in. When he did it centred in his mind again that Odin had modelled their shining golden home on this one. It may not have been gold or grand, but mother always liked having a kitchen in her halls. She taught Loki and Thor respectively how to cook inside it, telling them they weren't going to starve on her watch when they went on their adventures.

At least, that was how he remembered it. Who knew what the truth was.

If those were Frigga's kitchen, then her tapestry room should be around here somewhere too. Tapestry seemed simple enough for her to have as a hobby here. They were always to the left, a room that welcomed into her own bedroom. Her training room, or just a courtyard as Loki discovered, was closer than it would have been in Loki's own home. But there it was.

Okay. 

Simple. He just had to think simple. Nothing lavish like the library or the science halls. Magic rooms maybe, there were still Vanir here. But the rest, the more advanced rooms they had, Loki didn't think he would find here.

It begged the question how long Pdin let these people live before he sent them to their room.

"Gotcha!"

Before Loki could think more his hair was grabbed and he was forced into the wall. He felt his head bruise, eyes cutting back to see familiar golden ones glaring back at him. 

"Well, well, well, looks like someone didn't get the message. You're not wanted here trickster," Heimdall, a very oddly spoken Heimdall, told him.

"Excuse me-"

He tried to get out before he was doubled over, Heimdall's first gearing up for another bash. "Even your wife doesn't want to speak to you, so I'm gonna tell you one last time-"

He scrambled away, leaving an illusion in his place. He was rather glad of it too since his other self looked like it would have gotten quite the whack if it actually landed.

So Heimdall was crazy here. That was good to know. Everyone apparently hated him too if Heimdall's words were to be believed. So that was something.

He scampered to somewhere dark, hiding low and keeping an ear out for footsteps as he tried to orient himself again. He was still in Frigga's halls, which could be a good thing. Except he was pretty sure the only reason Heimdall was there was because something must be going on. Bread wasn't baked for just anyone, and that probably meant there were more people around. How many, Loki wasn't sure. In the last hall they'd been in there were only a few people. No Volstagg or his brood, no Fandrall or his adoring masses and while Hogun could very well be in Vanaheim he wasn't so sure about that.

The point was that there were people afoot, people who didn't like this other him that was lurking around here somewhere too.

He best find Mimir quick.

The problem was that he wasn't so sure the usual passage to the underground would exist. Usually they were in Odin's halls. But if Odin wasn't welcome here then who was today his hall was here. Loki could very well end up walking a circle. Or perhaps never find this underground at all.

Nevertheless, there was no harm in trying. Loki was here now, and he had no better place to be until whatever constitutes as sundown here emerged. So off he went east, hoping the halls would stay in their same layout and Hela, this Hela merely decided to banish Odin instead of removing every inch of him from her home.

Kitchens. Seating area. A hearth. Bedroom. Bedroom. Kitchen again. Some sort of courtyard with a stable- and Loki was being yanked again.

He didn't hit the wall this time. Instead he went flying onto the ground, a boot planting itself onto his middle and a familiar face staring down at him.

"You're not going to beat me too are you?" Loki asked.

His double, and Loki was getting rather tired of seeing his own face if he were honest, smirked down at him. It was a little more weathered, a little wearied around the eyes, but it was him. Definitely him. "Aren't you a surprise." He pushed his boot in a little harder before that smirk spread into a smile, "Did my brother send you?"

"Depends," Loki sighed. "Do you mean our giant brothers, Thor or Odin?" He had too many family members.

His double bit his lip, nodding to himself. "He did it then. Made us again."

"Unfortunately," Loki agreed. "That's sort of why I'm here." He wouldn't give Thor up. Loki could play distraction for hours so long as Thor had time to look for Mimir. 

"Of course you are," other him said. "I doubt you'll find what you're looking for however. You look far too young to kill him."

Young? "What does my age have to do with killing Odin?"

Other him dug his boot in one last time before removing it, holding a hand down to help Loki up. "Best talk inside. I'm not the most popular person here."

Loki made a face, "Believe me, I know." He could still feel Heimdall's fist. 

They walked to the stables, Loki thinking back on the other him, the one before they came here, how he was sitting on the floor. Did they really get treated like dirt in death as well as life? 

"I don't understand, why do they hate you. It's Odin that ruined their lives," Loki asked.

"Ruined your life," other him corrected, falling onto a pile of hay. A few rustles came from further down the stalls, Loki ignoring them in favour of hearing, "He was okay, in this one. To them anyway. I was the only one who saw what a monster he was. They never forgave me. But then," other him sighed, "Why would they? I basically destroyed the nine realms."

Which was a fair point. "Are you the first then? The real first of us?" He was curious. If this wasn't the original lifetime then what was? Did it even exist anymore.

"No idea," it looked like he'd never know. "But I remember seeing him as a child. I was one myself, a little flicker nursing in my mother's forest fire." 

"You're a giant," Loki gathered. "A runt?" Since he wasn't over eighteen feet tall.

"Giants don't have runts," he seemed to see what confused Loki anyway as he said, "They must have changed. Or you're not a real giant. I wouldn't put it past Odin to limit the giants power. The only reason he was able to destroy them the first time around was because I did it for him."

An interesting thought, and one he had so many questions about. But that wasn't why he was here, and who knew how many hours he had before Thor would come looking for him. So, "You said I wasn't old enough?"

Other him blinked a few times before latching onto their earlier conversation. He looked Loki over slowly, "You're what, thousand, a thousand and a few hundred years?"

Loki's immediate number, the one he knew because he'd celebrated it in Asgard before all this chaos came to mind. But, "I don't know."

"You don't know?"

Loki shook his head, "There was a spell... Odin took I don't even know how many years from me."

Other him didn't even look surprised. "There are spells that can do that. Hela could undo it before you leave if you like?"

Like that? Just like that? All this time and-

"As for why you're not old enough," he sucked his teeth, "I had Fenrir when I was in my early hundreds. He had children of his own when Ragnarok was set into motion."

He waited for more, eventually prompting, "Right?"

Other him gave him a look, "Well you know the prophecy."

"Obviously not," otherwise he wouldn't be here, and he wouldn't be standing here asking for more information.

Other him narrower his eyes, "Suppose he could have doused that down too. Usually the Norns give it out however so..." he grumbled a little to himself before starting from the beginning. The actual beginning.

Loki was there for hours listening to his other self weave the story of the beginning of his world. Of being a being of pure fire, and being tricked by some half giant into servitude under the guise of 'brother'. He listened as other him told the prophecy. The real prophecy, and Loki realised, listening to this, that he was too young. Or, more specifically, Fenrir was too young. 

"We still don't know if it would have been Fenrir, Skoll or Hati," other him said, "all the prophecy says is that a wolf will devour everything in its path. Your Fenrir will be a child. Mine was full grown. He will not be big enough to be a threat and Odin probably knows so. He's not stupid."

No. Odin wasn't.

Damn.

It took a while for him to think again. Their last hope had been to come here and learn of someone to kill Odin. It turned out they had their killer, maybe, but Fenrir was a child, a very fragile child right now too. Even if he was a wolf, Loki wouldn't send him out to battle. He wouldn't win, that was all there was to it. 

"... I have to go," Loki remembered after a while. 

More rustling came from down the stalls, other him, peering past Loki to look down it, "Probably for the best, Sleipnir wants out and he's not too fond of strangers."

Sleipnir? The horse?

He stood, making a few steps back until he saw a few too many hooves kicking out of the stall. Okay. "I thought your children weren't talking to you." That was what Heimdall said.

"My wife isn't talking to me," other him corrected, "My children don't care. They're the only ones who don't." He stood next to Loki, "How are the twins in your life? Are they well? I remember when they were no higher than my knee. They looked a lot like their mother, but they had my wit. Drove Sigyn mad."

The twins... right. "I never married Sigyn." He was pretty sure. "Vali and Narvi, right?"

"Narfi," other him corrected, "Yeah."

Right. "There's a book in my time. I thought it was some sort of prophecy about my life, but now I'm wondering if it wasn't that. If it was something else. A biography, maybe." 

"The Edda?" other him guessed.

Loki nodded.

"Yeah," other him sighed, "I remember that book. Odin started writing it after we went to Midgard. It's so strange, the Midgardians were so backwards, yet they invented books before the Gods themselves."

A memoir. A blueprint. One that might have gotten lost at one point and reprinted, but a blueprint nonetheless. One Odin could look back on when he wanted to remember the good times, the original times when things played out the way they should have gone, not pushed by Odin's hand. The time Odin wanted so badly but hated every time enough that he wanted to start it all again.

"I'm going to kill him," Loki decided. He didn't know how, or even if he'd succeed, but he'd kill Odin somehow. 

Other him hummed, wandering off to the back of the barn. He passed Sleipnir, the horse turning and poking its very dark head out, and ended up leaning over the stall at the far end.

Loki left him to it, remembering just as he stepped over the threshold to ask where Hela was. He found her in a grove with another familiar face that definitely wasn't happy to see him. Loki could say the feeling was mutual except, well, this wasn't his Baldur. This wasn't the poor boy he'd been tricked into killing, this was another Baldur, who probably had a good right to hate the man wearing Loki's face. He'd read that book after all, he knew how Baldur had been killed.

"I'm here for Hela," he braced himself for yelling, for some kind of attack. But Baldur didn't give any, merely standing and leaving with another glare. "That was easy," he sighed taking Baldur's seat.

Hela didn't even look up from where she was drawing something into the ground, "He's not a fighter. Never has been."

"Ah." A little different to his Baldur then. "Your father sent me. I'm er-"

"I know," she still didn't look at him, but Loki looked at her. She was Hela, but she wasn't. There was an air about her, something innocent that was missing in the one Loki knew. Her eyes were clear of darkness, her dress plain. She looked like an ordinary girl. "I felt you come in." An ordinary girl that was the actual goddess of death. "Thor should be joining us soon."

"You know where he is?" Loki asked.

She nodded, "I know everything here." Her voice remained a constant melancholic tune, the runes she was carving into the dirt getting more elaborate as she said, "I can give them back. But do you want them?"

"Of course," was his immediate response. He needed to know who he was. "I've been asking myself for years who I am, you are the only one with those answers. I need them."

"It won't make anything better," Hela said.

"It won't make anything worse either," Loki countered. "My world is coming to an end. I'd like to meet it as myself."

She sighed like the world had dropped another weight on top of her before nodding.

They lapsed into silence, the sun still beating against their backs. There was a breeze, the scent of grass and wildflowers tickling his nose. It felt like home here. "How does it feel so alive?"

Hela shrugged, "I wanted it to."

Right. "So the other Hela doesn't want Helheim to feel alive."

"No." Hela continued to draw into the dirt. "I don't. She has no control over Helheim. Not really. She just sends them down here and sorts them into piles."

Oh. "We really are just copies of you aren't we." How diminished were his powers? How weak was he compared to his original self? He wasn't a 'true' giant according to his other self, so what, exactly, was he? What was natural about himself and what was fabricated by Odin because he was scared of what Loki's true power if he were allowed to be himself would be?

"Basically."

Loki let his head fall into his hands, "Can you not kill him?"

She shook her head, "That's not how the prophecy goes."

"And you believe the prophecy is the ultimate power here?" She, surely she out of all of them had the power to defeat Odin.

"The Norns breathed the prophecy down to us. Do you want to argue with them?" 

Good point.

Thor turned up just as Loki was starting to get restless. He had a tankard in his hand, because of course he did, and a jolly smile on his face. It looked like, once again, while Loki had a hard time of things Thor had been making friends. "Have fun?" Loki asked.

"Much," Thor agreed. "Hello Hela. I was told to come find you by one of your brothers." He glanced Loki over, "You are my Loki right? If I'm talking to Vali again you have to tell me."

"I thought Vali looked like his mother?" that was what the other him said.

"Illusion magic," Hela sighed, finally standing up. She took the tankard from Thor, downing it in one. "Do you want your memory back too?"

"Memory?" Thor asked.

"She can break Odin's spell," Loki explained. "She can give us our childhood back."

"Ah," Thor nodded. He pursed his lips for a while before slowly shaking his head, "I think I'd rather not."

"Really?" Loki snapped.

Thor gave him a shaky grin, "You've always been the brains between us. You know if I learn something new something else gets pushed out."

Liar. Thor wasn't stupid. Loki called him it but Thor had brains, Loki had seen them at work. He just pretended to be an oaf because that was what was what he'd projected to the people for so long. Something else was going on. 

Something Loki wouldn't learn right now as Thor shoved him forward, "Try not to hurt him. Please."

Hela nodded, and before Loki could speak his head was split open. He saw it all. He lived it all. Being helpless as an infant on the shores of Midgard. His so called mother growing wearier and wearier as the years went on and Loki didn't age. Her giving him up.

Asgard.

Odin. 

Frigga.

Thor. 

He remembered it all. He remembered Jotunheim and his brothers. His nephews he could only hold for so many weeks before they were too big for his small hands to grab for too long. The battle for the casket of ancient winters. Other Loki, his so called brother. His marriage. Angrboda. He remembered.

At the end of it he honestly didn't know who he was. He'd spent so long as who he'd been, Prince Loki of Asgard, that being himself, remembering himself, was foreign to him. Foreign and familiar.

His hands were shaking. His whole being was shaking and Loki didn't think it was stopping anytime soon. Again and again he remembered things and two different voices, two different opinions yelled at him, forcing themselves on a mind that was already fragile enough.

"Loki?" 

Blond hair came into blurry focus above him. 

"Loki?"

The ground was gone beneath him, Loki seeing Hela's face. Not his Hela, the real Hela. A goddess. A real goddess. The one he'd prayed to when he was a child at his mother's hearth. Had Hela heard him, he wondered. Had she heard him here, begging for his life? For a chance to survive this next battle, this next boat ride? Had she helped him, or had she let him be guided by fate?

"... take him... waiting..." 

Hela nodded, coming close to dig something out of Loki's bag.

He wasn't really paying attention to what was happening next. He wasn't even sure where he really was. One second he knew he was in Helheim, the next he was staring at faces that flashed as children to adult to children again in his mind.

Modi. Magni. Ullr, he'd seen Ullr before. He'd seen Magnus too. Magnus used to come to the pier with the other children and ask him about his teeth. Thrud. 

Thrud.

Dear Gods did Thor even know? Why was he even calling upon the Gods? He hadn't done so since he was a child and it wasn't like these Gods could help him anyway. 

But did he? Did Thor know she was Sif's? His and Sif's. The one Sif had kept at home with her mother while she went off adventuring with Thor. The mother that had ended up killed, most likely, as the story went, by some monster in the night, hence why Sif had joined the warrior's three to begin with. Nevermind that she'd just been a girl who'd wanted more out of life. A girl who had taken advantage of Loki's malicious revenge to worm her way into a life as a shield maiden. 

He felt sick. 

He was pretty sure he passed out again, waking to less people in the room. One was on his chest, Loki unsure what to do with himself. He knew it was Fenrir. Before, when he didn't know, he would have embraced Fenrir close, glad to be near his son again.

Now? His hand wouldn't move. 

"Loki?" Came behind him, Thor shuffling until Loki could see him out the corner of his eye. "Are you awake?"

"Yeah," Loki croaked. He was awake. He was finally awake and knew who he was. 

Thor dropped his head onto Loki's shoulder, his mouth making short contact. Brother and husband warred in his mind as Thor told him, "He climbed on top of you as soon as I put you down. Didn't even care that I was here." there was something strange in Thor's voice, and it took a while for Loki to realise Thor was waiting for a difference. For a reaction from this 'old' Loki that had been buried for, what, near nine hundred years?

He tried to put his hand down again, but he couldn't. "I killed him," Loki said. "I... sent him- I-" he'd seen it from Fenrir's point of view, and that was bad enough, but to remember himself, to remember the decision, in the middle of the night, to take his own son to Helheim. To murder him because Loki was scared of what was to come. "It hadn't even helped. I knew, he knew? I knew it wouldn't help but I did it. I took him to Hela. I had a knife-"

Thor wrapped him up before he finished, squeezing him so hard he could forget for a moment what he was thinking about. But then Fenrir rolled himself awake and- and-

"I'm so sorry," Loki said. There was no amount of sorry's that could mend this. there was nothing he could say that could undo what he did. That could make Fenrir being here, on his chest, anything short of a miracle. "You should hate me."

Fenrir looked to Thor, like the other week, or who knew how long it had been since they'd been gone, he hadn't hated the mere sight of Thor.

"Go find the others," Thor told him.

Fenrir looked back to Loki before crawling off the bed.

"Loki?" Thor asked.

"I killed him." He'd killed a lot of people, yet it was Fenrir, a son he didn't even want, hadn't wanted, that was leaving him here wishing he'd forgotten all over again. Forgetting his entire life may have been a curse but there was a silver lining in all that too. Forgetting his part in Fenrir's death had been a gift he was only now appreciating.

Thor held him tighter, taking a breath deep enough Loki could hear it in his ear. "You didn't," Thor told him.

"You don't-"

"I do," Thor insisted. "You told me remember. I killed him. _Me,_ Loki. I killed him, not you."

"But you don't-"

"I don't need to remember," Thor insisted. "I know. I know every time I look at him. You can take away memories but memories aren't everything. It was me, Loki, you know it was me."

Sweet words, ones Thor had tried before, and like before Loki was selfish enough to push the blame onto Thor. He didn't want this guilt. He didn't want any of these feelings. These confusing, overwhelming feelings as he warred with himself.

Thor kept him close while he calmed, and once his breathing had evened out he asked, "You remember then?"

Loki nodded. "It's awful."

"The memories?"

Loki shook his head. "Mother loved us though," that he had to tell Thor. "She didn't know. And she loved us," she loved him. Even when he was a power hungry monster she loved him. Both times. 

"I loved you too," Thor insisted.

Loki wasn't so sure.

Thor was however, reading into the silence to clutch Loki once more, "I did. Like I said, memories aren't everything, and if I didn't love you, I doubt we would have done half the stuff we did when we were, you know, related."

Loki hummed. He supposed he could see Thor's logic now he knew the truth. On his side anyway. He'd always been tied to Thor. Always trusted him in a way he didn't others. It wasn't unlimited trust, but it was trust enough in enough things that Loki felt safe. He felt safe sleeping with Thor when others sent his skin tingling and nerves on edge. He felt safe in Thor's shadow, when he'd stuck by it, because it was living in Thor's shadow the first time that had let him survive Asgard. Thor was like his umbrella, and even without his memories Loki's instincts had known how safe Thor made him feel and stuck by him when the rest of the world didn't make sense.

"I know when he did it now," Loki realised. "I can see it, the day things changed." How strange that day had been in Loki's eye even as a prince. "Poor Freyja." She'd known. She'd been scheduled to visit that day. She'd hugged Loki, he remembered that, and handed him a shield he'd made for Frey and his bride. Then she'd been hurried off before she could finish telling him how much her brother would have liked to see him. Which had been strange because he was sure he'd never met her brother. "Freyja had known. The other realms," he knew now, "they knew. But," he shook his head, "Only Jotunheim and a few of the Vanir nobles knew who I was beforehand. I think they were threatened." or killed off. If Odin had done it to Thor's children's mothers he could easily do it to a few strangers.

"That's unsettling," Thor said.

Loki agreed. He would have said so too had their room not been flooded with a hoard of blond heads. In mere seconds Loki was surrounded by adults he'd babysat as children. Oh ew he'd offered to have a threesome with Thor's kids. It was one thing to know it and only know them as adults and a whole other to remember them as children literally crawling across his lap and threatening to chop his tail off if he didn't change into his proper form.

He tuned back into the room, a cacophony of voices assaulting his ears as the others asked and told him things he supposedly should know about. 

Fenrir was back on the bed, making a few noises to Magnus until he moved enough to let Fenrir crawl his way back onto Loki. He still couldn't bring himself to touch, but Fenrir didn't seem to notice, sitting there like a king with an audience as he pushed Magnus further away and made a few noises at the others until they quieted.

Well, it was good to know Fenrir had wrapped them around his finger.

"Okay," Loki sighed, shuffling until he could sit up in bed. They had so much to go through, he really didn't have time to be going through this crisis. "First things first, how long were we gone?"

"Three months," Thor answered before the others, "I checked as soon as I put you to bed. Hela's here by the way."

"Yeah," Modi said, "About her, are we sure we should be letting her stay here?"

Hela was here? Which Hela? "Our Hela or the original Hela?"

"The one that destroyed Asgard," Thor confirmed, "And yes, she's staying, I've already put her in a hut." and they all knew they didn't have the power to kick her out. Even if she was a watered down version of the real Hela she was still powerful enough to wipe out an entire branch on Yggdrasil. "She's also pretty pissed about being ditched so we sort of have to hear her out."

"Okay...?"

Modi was the one who answered this time, "She asked for an audience with Thor as soon as she came here but," he motioned to Loki.

Right. 

Other things had happened. Odin was finishing with his latest realm faster than expected, meaning if they had a plan they were going to have to put it into motion fast. Also, "Freyja's mobilising an army, she wants to meet with you when you're able. She said to bring Fenrir."

Loki nodded. She knew. She'd read the book just like the rest of Vanaheim. "She's going to be very disappointed." Even if Loki hadn't basically put Fenrir in stasis he wouldn't be fully grown. According to his double anyway. That meant they needed another solution.

They just needed to think of one.

First things first however, and that was filling the others in on what they'd learned in Helheim. Starting with what they all knew, and that was Odin was a complete bastard.


End file.
